The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Mountain. Hey, summer's on the way! If you can get away, is it to the mountains or to the beaches? ...and even if you cannot: if you could, which would you go for?

I'll be getting away to the mountains in a couple of weeks... but it's the companionship, not the scenery, that takes me there. If I could, I'd hit the beach.

Twosome: Spring. Enough is enough! Are you ready for Spring yet? ...or are you one of the lucky ones who are aleady smelling the roses?

I'm cold. I've been cold since September. I'm tired of being cold.

Threesome: Water. Domestic or bottled? Are you one of those who just cannot drink tap water and absolutely has to have bottled? ...or does any source that has some chlorine in it to okay with you?

I don't understand the question: Are you confusing chlorine (a common pool additive) for flouride (a common drinking water additive) accidentally or deliberately? Tap water is just fine with me... although pools are nice, too.

Inconvenient timing

Approach of War Reveals an Alienation in California
In fact, many people acknowledged that they might feel differently if a Democrat were leading them into battle. "I was wondering if I would feel more comfortable if it were Bill Clinton and Al Gore saying we needed to do this now, and I think I would," said Felicia Marcus, who was the regional administrator in California for the United States Environmental Protection Agency in the Clinton administration.

Well, Gore hasn't been too conspicuous, but Clinton and Lieberman are both on board. So everything should be fine now.

During some lunchtime and office-cooler chatter there has even been longing for President Clinton, a Hollywood favorite, who, the reasoning goes, would never have allowed a war to play havoc with Oscar night, one of the state's most hallowed traditions.

You. Must. Be. Kidding.

(Via Suman Palit, Kolkata Libertarian.)

There's no such thing...is there?
Through a long series of blog references (okay, not so long, South Knox Bubba via Instapundit), I give you one man's attempt to spend $2 at Taco Bell.

Stop the presses

Crusty debate rages in Legislature over official state cookie
Seems that, once again, the separate chambers of the [Pennsylvania] Legislature are at odds when it comes to designating an official state cookie.
The Senate is pitching anew for the chocolate-chip cookie, whereas the House is supporting the Nazareth sugar cookie.

Somebody send this URL to Saddam Hussein. He needs to understand that we actually have time to worry about sugar vs chocolate chip.

(Isn't Hershey in Pennsylvania? Doesn't Hershey make chocolate? Why are we talking about sugar cookies?)

Careful what you wish for

The New Yorker: The Talk of the Town
A paranoid, they say, is a person in possession of the facts.
...This invasion was thus designed to root out the very weapons we hoped�and at the same time feared�that he possessed. And we journalists were coming along not only to witness any chemical nastiness that might ensue but also, presumably, to breathe it.
With this embed program, the Department of Defense was embarking on a public-relations experiment of unprecedented size and scope. It remained to be seen how much latitude would be afforded the media once the bullets began flying, but by the look of things the Pentagon truly wanted us to be right there on the battlefield, free and unfettered, reporting precisely what we saw.

As opposed to on the rooftop of the nearest four-star hotel reading press releases. WWII-era war correspondents knew what you're going through. A fellow could get killed out there.

Perhaps too many of your immediate predecessors were complaining too much about being kept too far from the action.

How history is rewritten

CNN.com - Is there a 'Superman' curse? - Mar. 17, 2003
...The first cartoon "Superman" was voiced by Bud Collyer from 1941-43...

Yes, that's true, as far as it goes. But Collyer's participation in the Fleischer "Superman" cartoons was a footnote to his history with the character, as he spent over a decade on the radio portraying the character. This is not mentioned.

(I mean, the animated Superman barely spoke at all. I wouldn't be surprised if Collyer didn't even remember he'd done it.)

I'm not too bent out of shape over this, as it is consistent with most media coverage of the Golden Age of Radio. Or, more precisely, coverage that should include the Golden Age of Radio, but somehow never does. Richard Crenna's obituary, for example, prominently mentioned his supporting role on the television series "Our Miss Brooks" -- but didn't mention that the character, and the show, began on the radio.

It's as if the medium never existed. The only reminder I ever see that radio was once the dominant medium that television now is, is a cartoon that occasionally pops up on Cartoon Network: A small child demands to be allowed to stay up late to listen to the radio, and dreams of radio personalities of the day (who appear in animated form).

Pick your battles

Asymmetrical Information: Flying under false colors
I've never actually said I was a Democrat, you understand. I've never lied about any of my beliefs. I've just failed to mention that I thought the person I was speaking to was wildly, impossibly, horribly wrong about 90% of their core ideas.
...The fact is that in New York, if you want to get along with people, it's best to just let them think you're an arch-liberal.

The idea that there are people like Jane Galt in New York, people who haven't bought into the apparently-prevailing political winds, is the most encouraging thing I've heard in a long time.

On the other hand, they did elect Senator Clinton.

Here's a wild idea: What if everybody actually said what they thought? Did what they felt was right? Voted their conscience, instead of the least-objectionable "major" party line?

(See also "Another Kind of Insight", for the story of an occasion when I felt subversive.)

What he said

Text: Bush on Iraq (washingtonpost.com)
Should Saddam Hussein choose confrontation, the American people can know that every measure has been taken to avoid war and every measure will be taken to win it.
...
We are a peaceful people, yet we are not a fragile people. And we will not be intimidated by thugs and killers.

The price of being the only superpower left is that occasionally you have to risk France's disapproval.

Welcome to planet Earth

FOXNews.com: 'Human Shields' Booted After Criticizing Iraq's Instructions
They had chosen locations "essential to the civilian population," such as food storage warehouses and water and electricity facilities, said Ken O'Keefe, of Haleiwa, Hawaii.
But the Iraqi government wanted the shields in more sensitive locations, he said. He did not elaborate, but some earlier activists have also left Iraq, reportedly after being told they would be posted at potentially strategic targets, such as oil refineries and power plants.
"They removed us from the sites we had chosen because we were critical of the integrity and the autonomy of the Iraqi authorities," said O'Keefe, 33. "I was escorted by Iraqi intelligence officers to the border, because I say what I believe and the Iraqi government wants submissive easy robots."

I can't decide if that's close enough to call a correct answer.

"The Iraqi government was acting absolutely very stupid," O'Keefe said, dressed in a long Arabic dishdasha robes while talking to The Associated Press at a small hotel in downtown Amman. "If they had only cooperated and let us do part of what we wanted to do, we could have worked with them also to protect these sites and we would have brought in more people to stay."

And you're proud of that?

Have you really thought this through? I'd be more disposed to respect your courage (if not your common sense) if I thought you understood that providing "aid and comfort" to an enemy is one of the few Constitutionally-defined crimes (treason), and is commonly punished by revoking your citizenship and deporting you.

What's up, Julia?
Not that I don't appreciate the visitors, but why are so many people Googling Julia Sawalha today?

LATER: But I did find a Julia Sawalha / Harry Potter connection...!

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. Do you like talking on the phone? Why or why not?

I do not. With rare exceptions, phones are tools to make appointments.

2. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?

My wife, actually.

3. About how many telephones do you have at home?

Hm. (Counting on fingers.) Five. Not counting modems. No, six. Forgot there's one in the fax machine.

4. Have you encountered anyone who has really bad phone manners? What happened?

Of course. I used to work tech support for Microsoft. :) I have a high tolerance. Now that I don't have to put up with it, I find it fairly easy to hang up.

5. Would you rather pick up the phone and call someone or write them an e-mail or a letter? Why or why not?

E-mail, definitely. I can go on at whatever length I want to without feeling I'm intruding-- and you can answer at your leisure.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Blue. Mac brought color into the scheme of computer things. What color would your computer be if they offered custom colors for PC or Mac?

Who cares? All right, all right, my PC is black (Dell Dimension 4400) and I really like it that way. I don't need computers in designer colors, but more than one is good.

Twosome: Screen. Hey how about a quick survey? What type of screen are you running, CRT or LCD? ...and what size screen would that be? Uh-huh, and that would be at what resolution? Designing minds want to know...

It's a CRT, 19", running at 1024x768. I'm old and half-blind, I need it big. (I'm amused and amazed at the changes my vision has gone through in the last six months or so. From not being able to read anything, to being able to read only small and narrow lines, to not being able to read anything smaller than a cow.)
LCDs are getting good enough to use as a primary display, but they haven't gotten cheap enough.

Threesome: of Death. Have you ever had a catastrophic computer crash? Could it be revived or did you have to pronounce it dead?

I have never (knock wood) had a crash so catastrophic that I couldn't get it running again, at least long enough to download the data. Where I've lost data, it's been because I forgot to copy it.

Oh, I can think of something more frightening

Yahoo! News - Dixie Chicks Explain Anti-Bush Comment
The trio performed a live show in London on Monday (March 10th) night, and Natalie Maines (news) told the crowd, "Just so you know, we're ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas."
That statement prompted all kinds of reactions from the American public, causing the group to further explain their stance on their official website... "While we support our troops, there is nothing more frightening than the notion of going to war with Iraq and the prospect of all the innocent lives that will be lost."

How about the innocent lives that have already been lost because we didn't go sooner?

What am I missing?

Yahoo! News - Smart Phones Will Know When You Can't Answer
Tiny microphones, cameras and sensors reveal body language and computer software analyzes the signals to determine whether someone is too occupied to take a call.

We already have answering machines. Mine stays on all the time, and if I don't make it to the phone within four rings, I was too busy to answer it.

This may be one of those things I won't know how I ever survived without in ten years... but my first reaction is, I don't need a phone that withholds calls because it thinks I'm too busy to answer them anyway.

Now, give me a television that turns itself off N minutes after the last person leaves the room, and we'll talk.

So what are they keeping?

Yahoo! News - "Superman" Tights Hard to Fill
Also causing controversy is the screenplay from Alias creator JJ Adams, which is coming under fire from comic book geeks for its modifications to the Superman mythology. Over 11,000 aficionados with time to spare have signed an online petition protesting the changes.
At stake are: Jimmy Olsen's sexuality (in the new movie he's gay); Superman's new status as a player (he flirts with Lois instead of saving people); an intact planet Krypton (in the original movie the planet explodes); the red and blue suit emerging as the superhero's source of power; and, finally, Lex Luther as a Kryptonian bent on destroying Earth.

Ah, I see. You'd have to be a "geek...with time to spare" to object to any of that. Or even to point out that none of the movies are the original, or that it's "Lex Luthor". Next thing, they'll be giving "The Scarlet Letter" a happy ending... No, wait...

Every now and again, Hollywood gets an urge to "fix" something that isn't broken. There isn't a producer, writer, or actor working who has the kind of lonegivity, good will, and name recognition that Superman has. All they have to do is play it as written.

Oh, chill. I know why they release articles like this, it's to generate "buzz". I'm not that naive. I remember the rumors about Chris Rock as Jimmy Olsen. Heck, I remember the rumors about the Mario Puzo draft of the first Chris Reeve "Superman", in which the Fortress would supposedly be decorated with hunting trophies. They spill things like this to make publicity. And apparently it works: I'm writing about it.

The mythology is pretty well defined by now: All they have to do is get it right. "Spider-Man" worked because, for all the minor changes, Sam Raimi obviously had some affection and respect for his source material. "X-Men", which looked nothing like the comic, remained true to the characters that inspired it.

Marvel movies are getting closer to their roots... and DC movies are getting further away. Marvel movies are setting the box office afire; DC is having trouble getting off the ground. Coincidence?

Keep it up. Keep telling those "geeks...with time to spare" that you don't need or want their attention. Tell those who are, currently, the only people inclined to go see this movie that the only thing you intend to keep is the name "Superman". And then wonder why your "buzz" isn't buzzing the way you wanted it to.

Calling occupants of interplanetary craft
One to go, please.

Yahoo! News - Happy Space Alien Day!
A New Mexico legislator proposed on Monday having the state honor all extraterrestrial beings with a special day that will "celebrate and honor all past, present and future extraterrestrial visitors" to New Mexico, the measure reads.
Rep. Dan Foley, a Republican from Roswell, the spot where some say aliens crash-landed more than 50 years ago, said he introduced the legislation to "enhance relationships among all the citizens of the cosmos, known and unknown."

Whatever happened to World Contact Day?

Eww

Police say man who swallowed $37,500 gem has yielded loot
He was caught and left the shop in handcuffs. Investigators had been waiting ever since for the loot to make its way through his intestinal tract.
Mannix--who allegedly gulped down the stone at a shop on Jewelers Row, at 5 S. Wabash, while trying to switch it with a fake--finally gave up the gem Friday morning, officials said.

(Noted at obscurestore.com.)

Spare me

Memoirs of a Market- Savvy Sock Puppet
After 22 months in the unemployment lines, a savvier Sock Puppet is enjoying a modest comeback. Last year he landed a gig as spokespuppet for Bar None, a Pleasanton auto loan company. In September he appeared alongside former New York Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani in Times Square for the 20th anniversary of the board game Trivial Pursuit. Two months later he opened for keynote speaker Bill Gates in a video shown at Comdex, the annual Las Vegas geekfest. He has also appeared in a documentary by video artist Christian Jankowski.
Word is, he has even been approached by Hollywood producers to discuss a television sitcom.

(Noted at obscurestore.com.)

A war blog like no other
Michael's Modern Blog. Nothing I can say will prepare you for it without giving it away. Just go.

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. What was the last song you heard?

James Taylor, "Only One".

2. What were the last two movies you saw?

At all? The Music Man (both Preston and Broderick versions, in succession) and Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro. In the theater? Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and Spider-Man.

3. What were the last three things you purchased?

A USB cable for my printer; Superman in the Fifties; Video Girl Ai, Vol. 5: Spinoff.

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?

Oh, all the things I need to do need doing during the week.

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?

The four people I live with (wife, children, and kids' godfather) and my son's teacher.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Cold. Are you a cold weather person and just deal with it or do you prefer temperatures closer to the century mark?

As with so many things, the answer I give now is not the answer I would have given last year. I used to enjoy the first cold snap of autumn: I rarely got cold in Georgia's temperate winter. However, since my stroke, my internal thermostat has changed, and I begin to understand why people retire to Florida.

Twosome: and Misty. What makes you misty-eyed? Do you cry at Hallmark commercials or get all sentimental when you hear a specific song? You can tell us, we won't laugh ;)

God. I cried at Lilo and Stitch. ("This is my family. I found it myself. It is broken, but still good.") I cried at Pinky and the Brain Christmas Special. (I've never gotten a good look at the damn keychain.) I even cried at Harry Potter when Hagrid gave Harry the photo album. Willow's yellow crayon in Buffy. Just the other day hearing the theme song of Oh, My Goddess was enough to set me off.

Threesome: Morning. Mornings? ...or evenings? Which is your time of the day? Are you up with the sun or do you help the moon keep the night lit?

Evenings, definitely evenings.

Next time, think things through

Yahoo! News - Stranded human shields buses seek fare home
Two red double decker buses and a white London taxi that ferried anti-war activists to Baghdad to serve as "human shields" are stranded in Beirut with their owner short the 3,400 pounds it costs to ship them home.
...Some 50 other Swedish anti-war human shield activists who had travelled to Iraq began to leave on Monday, saying they had wanted to protect hospitals and schools but had been forced out to refineries, power plants and water works.

Sorry, write your own joke here. Too many opportunities, can't decide...

2 cool 2 B 4 got 10

Yahoo! News - Girl baffles teacher with SMS essay
An English essay written by a teenager in text messaging short-hand has reignited concern among teachers that literacy standards are under threat.
...The teenager's essay which caused the problem began:
"My smmr hols wr CWOT. B4, we used 2go2 NY 2C my bro, his GF & thr 3 :- kids FTF. ILNY, it's a gr8 plc."

What's worse: That the student handed it in, or that the teacher (who spends all day with 13-year-olds) didn't recognize it?

This is news? If the teacher's feeling generous, hand it back and have the child re-copy it in English. If she's not, failing grade. Who called the newspaper? Why?

Judith Gillespie, of the Scottish Parent Teacher Council, told the newspaper a decline in grammar and written English was partly linked to the text messaging craze.

Ah. I see. In my day it was rock and roll.

March 15: Eat an Animal for PETA Day
See Meryl Yourish for details...but here's the intolerably stupid PETA ad campaign that spawned this response.

(Thanks, Ron.)

I'm shocked, shocked

Yahoo! News - Bermuda Tourism Ads Shot in Other Edens
Bermuda, the picturesque Atlantic island famed for its pink beaches, has admitted using pictures shot in other locales in tourism ads, a newspaper reported Friday.

Honey? Cancel this year's trip to Bermuda, we're going to the Seychelles instead...

Naked Quidditch Update
The ninth and final chapter is online.

The Friday Five

1. What is your favorite type of literature to read (magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)?

Science fiction, humor, and comic books. I indulge my second childhood in reprint collections of the comics I loved as a child.

2. What is your favorite novel?

Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein.

3. Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!)

"To his mistris going to bed", by John Donne.

4. What is one thing you've always wanted to read, or wish you had more time to read?

Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand.

5. What are you currently reading?

In Our Defense: The Bill of Rights in Action, by Ellen Alderman and Caroline Kennedy.

Thursday Threesome

Onesome: Big. Anything "big" happen to you lately? Come now, what's the biggest thing in your life these days?

Recovering from a stroke and wondering if I have a job to go back to -- and wondering if I can still do it. And what I could possibly do instead.

Twosome: Band. I didn't do the band, but I did choir when I was in school. Tell us: what kind of extracurricular activities did YOU do when you were in school?

Nothing willingly. I was in the band: My instrument was trombone. I am cursed with, well, I suppose it isn't perfect pitch, but it is close enough that I was able to play slide trombone.

Threesome: Music. Our topic of the week is music, so why don't YOU share little about your personal tastes in music. Favorite band? Favorite song? Have a song you love to sing along with but hate to admit it? Now's the time to fess up!

Any answer I could give would only betray my fogeyhood, I think. I'll pick Alison Krauss' cover of "I Will". I don't believe dobro, banjo and steel drums have ever been used together before. However, to counter any goodwill this selection may engender, I'll also admit I like Barry Manilow.

Resonance
James Lileks concedes his Thursday Bleat is aimless, but then a broken clock is right twice a day, too. There's really no other explanation for the fact that it sounds awfully familiar.

He begins with a dream the essentials of which I've had many times. No, I don't think I've ever dreamed that I had to create a rhyme for Tristan and Isolde, but who hasn't, in those not-quite-awake pre-dawn moments, thought I haven't been to class in weeks, I'm going to fail the final for sure? Only after the panic has awakened you do you remember that you graduated over twenty-five years ago -- and you wish that all you had to worry about was getting to class on time.

Well, fine. So I am the only person that ever happens to.

Then he goes on to chat about his head cold, which I am sharing at the moment without even the excuse of Minnesota weather. My friend who's directing our upcoming radio theater performance found another way to make me sing in public last night (which triggers acute stage fright), impersonating Barney no less. The only thing worse than that is to do so with a sore throat.

At least I was only filling in, and not permanently cast in the part. But the missing couple was missing because the wife's brother has passed away, so I really don't have any problems.

Anyway, I was talking about Mr Lileks, not me.

He goes on to talk about his daughter, "Gnat" (I can't point fingers: I used to call mine "Peanut"), and how nimbly (at two and a half) she skips through dialog boxes in her computer games. Hey, the point of this kind of user interface was to be intuitive. I'm thinking that they only fail to be so with us older types, whose "intuitions" are already shaped by lifelong exposure to media now obsolete. I'll bet Gnat can't drop a stylus on a 78. (I'll bet half the people reading this have no idea what I'm talking about.)

No, I'm not lamenting the good old days. A ten-inch disc with a capacity of five-minutes of music? Who needs it?

He concludes by complaining about how much work it is to get to the "fun parts" in Sim City. He's right, of course, which is one reason I don't play it (or Age of Empires, my households current addiction; there are five working computers in this house, a realization that boggles me when I think of it, and at any given moment three of them are running some version or another of Age of Empires).

I crossed this threshhold years ago, with the popular (and now primitive) Lunar Lander simulations. The idea, as you may remember, was to manually tweak the level of thrust on the lander's rockets so that you survive the touchdown. Too much thrust and you use up your fuel too soon, then fall like a rock. Not enough and you impact at orbital velocity.

It occurred to me after two or three attempts that this is the kind of problem computers were invented to solve. Why am I playing a game in which the computer simulates the environment, and I play the part of the computer?

In this sense, Lunar Lander, Age of Empires, and Sim City are the same game. And people wonder why the only games I play are solitaire and backgammon.

I'm fine
Sorry for the failure to post. I have no good excuse.

I had a follow-up appointment with my neural ophthalmologist last Thursday, and the good news is that I have been pronounced safe to drive. At least, purely as far as vision goes. My reaction time seems to be acceptable, as well. I will have to drive with caution, but I can drive.

The less-good news is that I do still have some visual impairment, and it is likely that it is permanent. It is not as dramatic as that may sound. It's not a "blind spot", as I've been describing it, but there is a zone in which I don't see details. Fortunately, it's UP and to the right, an area from which traffic is unlikely to approach. (Hey, some people obviously go for weeks at a time without glancing at their rear-view mirrors.)

I have been trying to get back into the habit of driving, and so far it's going well.

And the crowd goes wild
Well, hit number 60,000 just came and went. I know InstaPundit gets more than that in a single day, but for me it's a big deal.

Of course, I have no idea who it was, and there are no prizes. But whoever you are at att.net who visited me at 5:09pm (Eastern) this afternoon, thanks for dropping by.

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. What is your most prized material possession?

That house fire in '99 cleaned out a lot of clutter and changed my perspective on just how much stuff I need to keep around. I prize my family: Everything else is Just Stuff.

2. What item, that you currently own, have you had the longest?

Justice League of America vol 1 #6, "The Wheel of Misfortune", by Gardner Fox and Mike Sekowsky.

3. Are you a packrat?

Yes. Not so much as I was. See above.

4. Do you prefer a spic-and-span clean house? Or is some clutter necessary to avoid the appearance of a museum?

I would like a spic-and-span house: I've never been able to manage it, and I've come to the conclusion that such a house wouldn't look lived-in. A certain amount of clutter creates the illusion of activity, even in an empty house.

5. Do the rooms in your house have a theme? Or is it a mixture of knick-knacks here and there?

Theme rooms? *BWAH HAH HAH* Tell me another one.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: New- Hey, it's close enough to spring (even though the East Coasters have been getting hammered) to ask what's on the "to do" list for March. Do you have plans for changing anything around in your home or apartment? ...or are you ready to just get out of the place once the weather clears?

Life has been so hectic that the last thing on our minds is redecorating.

Twosome: Paint- ...any refurbishing or refinishing projects just waiting for the warm weather? That trim that needs painting or that one room with that horrible carpet? ...or do you have something you just dream about doing?

See above. Isn't this the same question?

Threesome: Smell- ...and lest we forget the gardeners out there: what spring madness do you have planned in the plant world? New flowers for the windowsill? How about that garden where the snails took over last year? ...or does a quick dusting of the artificial ficus cover you for another year?

Three for three. They can't all be gems.

InstaBook™

Yahoo! News - German Book to Set Record from Pen to Print
Forty German authors are hoping to set a new world record by conceiving, writing and printing a book in 12 hours, the event's organizers said Tuesday.
..."Generally, people associate writing a book with years of brain-racking and reflection. We wanted to make the point that print literature can still hold its own in the age of the Internet," spokesman Christoph Schaefer told Reuters.

You wanted to prove that a real book can be just as slapdash as, well, a blog?

If speed is all that matters, then "print literature" is indeed doomed. The internet shines, of course, at hastily-conceived poorly-edited trash, such as I confidently expect this project will be.

Which is to say, good and bad both transcend their media. A bad idea is still a bad idea, and good work will still attract attention whether it is found in ink or pixels.

Bloogle!
Google bought Blogger? Cool.

So, which of the alternatives is going to get snapped up by the Evil Empire, its name changed to Microsoft Blog, and its code bundled into the next version of Windows? (XPanded?) I mean, God knows they won't write one...

LATER: I don't usually get Down On Microsoft, so I thought I should explain that I'm not down on them now, either. But let's face it, it's been years since anything really new originated in Redmond. They endlessly refine what they already have, and they acquire. I don't fault them for it, it's just what they do, and it has worked out well for them. And when there is such a product as MS Blog, I feel certain it will be an acquisition (cf Front Page, Visio, HotMail), not an internal creation. (Heck, even the Big One, MS-DOS, was an acquisition.)

But he doesn't know the territory
I made a mistake. I watched "The Music Man" on Saturday night. Yes, I meant Saturday night. Can you believe it? I forgot about the remake on Sunday.

I watched my DVD of the Robert Preston version on Saturday, so it was fresh in my mind when I tuned in to Matthew Broderick (late, unfortunately: I missed "Trouble"). Now, I am not one of those who automatically rejects remakes, especially not of shows as popular as "Music Man". I don't think a week goes by that someone isn't mounting a production of it somewhere, because it's a difficult show to kill.

As someone said in another context, every generation has a right to grow up feeling that these characters are theirs, not their parents'.

It should have worked out okay, because I should have discovered that the Preston version has not aged well, which would have primed me for a new, young cast at their creative peaks to take over the show and make it theirs.

Unfortunately, the Robert Preston "Music Man" has aged quite well, because it doesn't try to be "natural": It may just be a perfect musical, perfectly cast. And the Broderick version is only adequate. Everybody hits their marks, sings pretty much on key, and generally allows the script and music to work -- but nobody is inspired. Oddly, the Preston version, which doesn't bother trying to look like anything other than a filmed stage show (it even fades to black between scenes) rings truer than the more realistic television setting.

Preston is larger than life: Broderick is exactly life size.

Perhaps Broderick felt that, having taken over Gene Wilder's part in "The Producers" and made it his, he could do the same here. Perhaps he can. He didn't.

MUCH LATER: I really wanted the new Music Man to work. Here are things they did right:

(1) So far as I was able to determine, except for minor changes in staging that minimized the appearance of physical harm to little Winthrop for comedy's sake (he doesn't actually fall out of the tree, and he's never considered having run away), they actually performed the play as written. They didn't update, they didn't "improve", they didn't tweak.

(2) Kristin Chenoweth. The interviews implied she would play Marian as a modern liberated woman. I was quite please to learn that wasn't true, but disappointed that it came as a revelation that Marian has an "edge". Even a casual viewing of Shirley Jones' portrayal will show that she understood it. In road show and high school productions, Marian is largely a cypher, though, and Kristin actually comes close to Jones' depth. After seeing Matthew Broderick's watery performance, it was a pleasure to find stronger spirits in Chenoweth.

(3) Couldn't have asked for more from the kid playing Winthrop. The resolution of the play hinges on his delivery of the question, "What band?" He didn't disappoint.

A "Rest of the Story" we'll never see

Yahoo! News - New York Convict's Sperm Saga Ends
A saga over the frozen sperm of a reputed New York mobster who smuggled it out of prison to impregnate his wife has come to an end with its destruction, a prosecutor said this week.

Perhaps I lead a sheltered life. Perhaps this is one of those questions to which I would rather not know the answer. But how, exactly, does one smuggle sperm out of a prison? There has to be a story in that.

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. Explain why you started to journal/blog.

Because I could. I've been writing regularly for various audiences for well over twenty years; this was a way to stay in the habit between deadlines and keep my web page fresh.

2. Do people you interact with day to day or family members know about your journal/blog? Why or why not?

Yes, they do. Why shouldn't they?
Well, given my content there's no reason they shouldn't know. Heck, I even put my real name on it. My current boss doesn't know, not because it's a secret (my previous supervisor knew), but because I just haven't bothered to tell him. He's not a bloggin' kind'a guy. If I find myself with something to say that I don't want my loved ones to know, I'll just start a pseudonymous blog. Hey, maybe I already have. (No, I'm not the Unablogger. But how would you know if I weren't?)

3. Do you have a theme for your journal/blog?

Not really, except for "that which amuses me". I don't want to be tied down to a theme. Sometimes I feel like talking about the War on Terror: Sometimes I feel like talking about Buffy.

4. What direction would you like to have your journal/blog go in over the next year?

More of the same. It's serving my purposes now, why change? I'd prefer to write fewer, longer entries, and maybe I will, eventually.

5. Pimp five of your favorite journals/blogs.

Look to the left: There's far more than five in my list of favorites. The five I read when I only have time for five are James Lileks, The Last Page, USS Clueless, PhotoDude, and the Obscure Store.

What's mine is mine, what's yours is mine
Let's see, let me document this chain correctly: Photodude sent me to writetheweb where I found this ancient (2/2002) link to a Guardian story about Tom Sharp, an author of 100% True, a popular feature in :here magazine collected in a book available from stone soup.

Follow that? So what's the point? Well, parties unknown sent large portions of the book to a friend in an e-mail, and, well, you know how it goes.

"It was really annoying. We spent three years thinking up these things. Now people are sending them back to us suggesting that we put them in the magazine and they have no idea that we wrote them in the first place."

Other magazines and several radio personalities are picking them up and re-using them, too, all without attribution. So while you're griping about how Information Wants To Be Free, and what a terrible blow upcoming legislation will be to the public domain, spare a thought for property rights.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Three- Hmmm... There's a three day weekend coming up for some people. Do you have Monday off and have some special plans? ...or is this just another weekend (or maybe one with two Sundays)?

Well, I'm still on disability, so I have every day off. (I expect I'll be back at work soon.) School is closed, so the kids will be home. I do not expect to do anything special for President's Day.

Twosome: Blind- It's holiday time once again (tomorrow silly!). Do you have to turn a blind eye to anything when these days come around? ...or are you surprised at what shows up?

I have no idea what you're trying to ask here. Perhaps this question will make more sense after I've seen some of the other responses. Are you asking if I have to willfully ignore things in order to be surprised by Valentine's Day plans? C'mon, it's only Valentine's Day. Diamonds and island retreats are making a bit too much of a deal over a contrived holiday. I might get her some chocolates, because she likes chocolate -- but I also might wait until after Friday so I can buy them on sale, and I don't think she'll mind. Heck, she writes the checks around here. They'll taste just as good. (I guess. I don't eat chocolates, generally. I had an Oreo -- one -- a couple of weeks ago.)

Threesome: Mice- Enough mousing around! Are you ready for tomorrow? ...or are you stopping by the pushcart people on the way home (I'm betting the guys and gals have really different answers on this one).

You know, this is the kind of sexist assumption that tempts me to stop answering these questions. As may be obvious now, we don't generally trade gifts for Valentine's Day, and I neither expect nor want one. However, I've had a present for her for two weeks. Heck, it's been wrapped for two weeks. The opportunity arose to get a little something (I'm not being coy, it really isn't a big thing) she's been wanting, that I know she'll appreciate. It's... nope, can't tell you. She reads this. I've already said too much.
(LATER: Now that I've given it to her, I can tell you it's a Bel Cream Maker. Generically, it's a hand emulsifier, useful for making cream or mayonnaise. She saw it in Cook's Illustrated, where unfortunately I can't link to the specific article. You can usually find one at eBay or Wheel of Time; Paul Marsden's Online Cookbook has an entertaining description of food-based emulsions. I love the web.)

Dost thine eyes deceive thee?
I have made a couple of changes to the template lately, one you almost certainly won't notice and one you might. Most likely you'll just think something is different but you can't put your finger on what it is. Should I tell you what, or make you guess?

Ahh, I should tell you. But I'll hide it, just in case you like to play games with yourself. The title has a drop shadow now; The boxes down the left side are gone; I've lightened the text font of the sidebar to keep it visible against the darker background.
(Need I say that hidden text can be revealed by selecting it? Hold down the left mouse button and sweep over it... or hit control-A.)

At least Roger Ebert is on my side
Not about any particular movie, but about commercials in the theater. In his "Answer Man" columns of Jan 12 and Feb 9, he explains his reasoning.

Yes, I know. I've worked the management staff of five different movie theaters. I know how little of the ticket price the theater gets to keep. I know they're struggling to survive, to redefine themselves in a VCR/DVD-capable market. I still think that alienating people who love movies by making them watch commercials is not the way to go.

You have got to be kidding

ABCNEWS.com : Trial Set in Southwest Racist Rhyme Suit
"The court agrees with plaintiffs that because of its history, the phrase `eenie, meenie, minie, moe' could reasonably be viewed as objectively racist and offensive."

C'm'on, ladies, there are people out there with real problems. Don't insult them by taking Southwest Airlines to court over this.

Boobs for peace
Little Green Footballs has contrasting photos of nude war protests in New York and Australia. (Warning: Teeny-tiny can't-see-nothin' nudity.) Hm. Stripping nude to protect a country in which you would be beaten with a stick for either protesting your government or taking off your clothes in public -- Oh, the irony is hip deep.

Say it ain't so

Poynter Online - Doc's Swimsuit Issue
In short, Doc wonders if American culture isn't hootered out.

It's a sad day for American journalism when we're contemplating the question of whether there are too many girls in swimsuits on the newsstand.

In honor of Valentine's Day
More than you wanted to know about NECCO, the home of Sweetheart Conversation Hearts.

BONUS: My other favorite candy, Hot Tamales, has an Official Web Site. Well, of course. Doesn't everything? (Fair warning: It's...Flashy. There's actually more product information here.)

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. What did you have for breakfast this morning? If you didn't have breakfast, why not?

Frankly, I forgot to eat any. I usually have a small bowl of cereal (Corn Chex at the moment), two Jimmy Dean microwave link sausages, a glass of milk, and (when we have 'em) a serving of cantaloupe.

2. What's your favorite cereal?

When I could have sugar, it was Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Now, it's a toss-up between Crispix and Cheerios.

3. How often do you eat out? Do you want that to change?

About once a week, on Wednesday nights on the way to my radio theater meeting. Sure, I'd love to eat out more, but until I'm back at work, it's not going to happen.

4. What do you plan on having for dinner tonight? Got a recipe for that?

Fettucine. I'm making it. Of course I have a recipe. Oh, you're asking for it. I don't have it with me, tell Jabba...

5. What's your favorite restaurant? Why?

Shells. Fortunately, the closest one is a six-hour drive away in Ocala, FL (but I prefer the look of Clearwater), so I don't have to feel tempted to go very often. It's Red Lobster done right. Not that there's anything really wrong with Red Lobster, but it can't compare to Shells.

Is there anybody left with their clothes on?
I keep updating that darned nude calendar page. They're (pardon me) popping out all over the place.

Is it April 1st already?
No, what are the real designs for the new World Trade Center?

This is it?

Look, I'm a born Southerner, the rest of the country knows we're all rednecks and don't have any taste, culture or sophistication. But if I had to look at either of these monstrosities every day, I'd leave town. The point of a memorial is to heal the wound, not hold it open.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Shower- Shower or a bath? Which one works best for you? ...or do you have uses for both?

Tub. Absolutely, tub bath. We have an antique claw-footed tub that is actually big enough to lay down in, which makes all the difference. These modern tubs...

Twosome: Shave- How often do you shave? Ladies, what do you consider shave-worthy? Come on, you know what I mean ;) ! ...and guys: how about you? Any facial hair?

Beard and moustache. Somehow this answer seems inadequate. You ask the ladies to quantify what characteristics in a date prompt them to, er, go the extra mile to get ready for it... and you ask the gentlemen if they have facial hair. Well, you can easily see that I do. Maybe I should talk about what kind of evening would prompt me to shave... and whether you ladies have facial hair.

Threesome: Style- How much time do you spend in front of the mirror in the morning, fixing your hairstyle (and face, for the ladies).

None. (The first person who says "And it shows...")

They tried...
...but they couldn't do it.

After two days of fearful "Should we be in space?" graphics and Time magazine reports answering "No", AOL's welcome page today (inbetween glances at the housing market and Taryn Manning) featured the "America's Pulse" question: "Should the space shuttle program continue?" Leaving aside the question of whether a space program could continue without the shuttle, not considering whether the shuttle is relatively old technology that should have been superseded years ago...

I'm proud of us. As of now, it's 83% YES.

Requiem
The Angry Clam quotes Robert A. Heinlein's The Green Hills of Earth.

The arching sky is calling
Spacemen back to their trade.
ALL HANDS! STAND BY! FREE FALLING!
And the lights below us fade.

Out ride the sons of Terra,
Far drives the thundering jet,
Up leaps a race of Earthmen,
Out, far, and onward yet ---

We pray for one last landing
On the globe that gave us birth;
Let us rest our eyes on the friendly skies
And the cool, green hills of Earth.

The Skipper brave and sure

Ship of Fools Then comes the Big One, a k a World War II, during which the man we remember as the skipper of the ill-fated S.S. Minnow serves with distinction in the South Pacific on a PT boat squadron with fellow commanders Jack Kennedy and Quentin McHale.

I may have to find a copy of Tom Carson's Gilligan's Wake...

Everyone's entitled to an opinion

Yahoo! News - Mandela Calls Bush Shortsighted on Iraq "One power with a president who has no foresight and cannot think properly, is now wanting to plunge the world into a holocaust," Mandela told the International Women's Forum.
..."Why is the United States behaving so arrogantly?" he asked. "All that (Bush) wants is Iraqi oil," he said.
..."Is it because the secretary-general of the United Nations is now a black man? They never did that when secretary-generals were white," he said.

Perhaps the Secretary of State and the National Security Advisor would have something to say about that.

"If there is a country that has committed unspeakable atrocities in the world, it is the United States of America. They don't care for human beings," he said.

Anyone care to add up the humanitarian aid originating from the U.S. versus the rest of the world combined?

Is anyone still listening to Nelson Mandela?

Mark your calendar
. What, no milliseconds?

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?

Batman, of course.
When I was growing up, there were really only three superheroes: Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. Anyone else was "the rest". And young boys don't paint eagles on their chests and pretend to be Wonder Woman.
So it was between Superman and Batman. I can't remember who pointed it out first: The average kid knew he could never be Superman. He would have to arrange to have been born on another planet. I suppose most kids, at some point, suspect (or, in some cases, wish) that their parents would turn out to be not their real parents and their real parents would turn out to be royalty or rich or, I suppose, aliens-- but most kids know that isn't going to happen. We weren't going to grow up to be Superman.
But we could conceivably grow up to be Batman. All that had to happen was that our parents got killed in some brutal, traumatic crime, and we spent a painless ten years offstage in the lap of wealthy luxury training to be a superhero. (Some of us didn't really think about the fact that Batman's origin was really no more likely than Superman's.)

2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?

To have been an only child. :) No, seriously, let me think. Actually, I can't think of anything. I never really wanted much.

3. What's the furthest from home you've been?

Newark, New Jersey.

4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?

Oh, gosh, I don't know. I'm so very ignorant, I wouldn't know where to start.

5. What are your plans for the weekend?

Radio theater meeting.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Echoes: What sound do you hear from time to time that immediately draws up an echo from the past?

Trains. Living in cozy Grant Park as I do, I'm very close to dozens of railroad tracks (this may seem odd for a downtown area in a major metropolitan city, unless you know Atlanta), and distant train whistles often sound in the night. It never fails to move me.
If you spend most of your time in front of a computer, it's easy to forget that some things haven't changed.

Twosome: Visions: ...and what about something you might see now and again that evokes a scene from days gone by?

Here in Atlanta, things change very fast. Not much is left standing with much age to it. Occasionally I'll spot a structure, or a part of one, that has been there for a while, and I'll flash back to what the neighborhood used to look like. Every now and again I gaze at the old Sears store... which is now City Hall East Annex... and think about Ponce deLeon Field, where the Atlanta Crackers played, which used to stand across the street where the Borders, Staples, and Home Depot are now. That's the trouble with being a native Atlantan: We get lost in used-to-bes.

Threesome: Memories: "Misty water color memories"? Is there a painting or a picture you like to look back on just to remember a certain time or place?

Not really. We lost most of our photographs in a house fire back in '99. The closest I have is an aerial photograph of McDonough, GA (where I grew up) that I downloaded from somewhere. It dates from when I lived there, and when I look at it I can almost smell the drugstore where I used to buy books and comics.

This one time, at band camp...

Showing their pluck / Musicians see nude calendar as ticket to Carnegie Hall
Talent earned the Cal Poly Wind Orchestra an invitation to Carnegie Hall, but it's sex appeal that will get them there.
To help raise the $80,000 or so needed to get to New York in April, 13 women in the orchestra bared almost all in a 2003 calendar that is sailing out of the Cal Poly Technical University bookstore at 10 bucks a pop.
Most posed behind their instruments, but in some cases that wasn't discrete enough -- a piccolo is so small -- so strategically placed music stands and props keep their privates, well, private.
"The water polo team did something similar a few years ago, but all they had to work with was their water polo balls," said Holly Ransom, a senior featured with her bass trombone in February. "Ours are more unique because we got to use our instruments."

LATER: I'm not sure this is a wise thing to do, but in light of the fact that my "nude calendar" post on New Years' 2002 attracted so much attention, I've expanded it and updated it, and put the resulting page over here.

MUCH LATER: No insult was intended to the students of Cal Poly. But you had to know you'd attract attention when you decided to do this. That's sort of the point. Congratulations: Knock 'em dead at Carnegie.

Dave Barry has a blog
I think this is one of those things that every blogger has to acknowledge. At some point this weekend, those five words will probably saturate the blogosphere to the point that they will actually become visible to the naked eye.

Well, to some naked eyes. Other people's eyes will have to put clothes on. Maybe one of those three-of-clubs contact lenses like Teller wears.

I really shouldn't try to write at this hour.

Wait a minute. Dave Barry got a blog at Blogger? At BlogSpot? Yeah, right. Sure, it's really him. I believe everything I read on the web, don't you?

What a country

Yahoo! News - Comedian Disarms Good-Humored Gangsters
TIRANA, Albania (Reuters) - A famous Albanian comedian averted a highway robbery by making the bandits laugh, an Albanian newspaper reported.

I had no idea there was such a thing as a "famous Albanian comedian". I guess I am hopelessly provincial. I'm also one of those insensitive clods who, when I hear the phrase "Ethiopian cuisine", I think "empty plates".

It certainly isn't my fault that when a hotel advertises "Continental breakfast", it means they don't serve any. (Well? They leave a handful of dried croissants in a basket in the lobby. C'mon, honestly, do you consider that "serving breakfast"?)

I probably shouldn't try to write at this hour.

Why not?

Yahoo! News - National Geographic Doing Swimsuit Issue
It's the middle of winter, so it must be time for a swimsuit issue to liven up magazine reading.
No, not that one.
National Geographic is doing a swimsuit issue.

Oh, I loved that "Girls of Siberia" thing they did last time, didn't you?

I swear, I hadn't seen this when I said that

Yahoo! News - Western 'Human Shields' Head for Iraq
LONDON (Reuters) - Proclaiming they were prepared to die if necessary to stop war in Iraq, the first convoy of Western "human shield" volunteers drove out of London on Saturday on double-decker buses bound for Baghdad.
...The campaign has upset some among the thousands of Westerners detained by Saddam to act as shields against attacks after his 1990 invasion of Kuwait and the ensuing 1991 Gulf War.
They feel the volunteers do not appreciate the seriousness of what they are doing and are unaware of their past suffering.

I tell you, people never cease to surprise me.

Axis of Weasel
<pseudo-Roseann Rosannadanna mode> Oh, I see, Rumsfeld didn't actually say that. It was just a joke. Never mind. </pseudo-Roseann Rosannadanna mode>

This thing exploded so fast I thought maybe he had said it... (The NY Post cover is real, not photoshopped.)

He said this instead:
CNN.com - Rumsfeld: France, Germany are 'problems' in Iraqi conflict - Jan. 23, 2003

"Germany has been a problem, and France has been a problem," said Rumsfeld, a former NATO ambassador. "But you look at vast numbers of other countries in Europe. They're not with France and Germany on this, they're with the United States."
Germany and France represent "old Europe," and NATO's expansion in recent years means "the center of gravity is shifting to the east," Rumsfeld said.

Hm. Well, maybe he did say it.

Now, there could have been a thoughtful, reasonable response to this. There wasn't:
ABCNEWS.com : 'Old Europe' Jibe Prompts German, French Media Ire

"Mister Rumsfeld, hundreds of thousands of your G.I.'s fell for 'old Europe' because they freed us from the tyranny of Hitler. You are sinning against your own heroes by disparaging 'old Europe'. Your G.I.'s died for the ideals of your place of origin," Bild wrote in an editorial.

Now, even I see a problem with this logic, but I'm a notoriously slow blogger. Steven Den Beste -- who is, after all, not the secretary of defense of the world's remaining military superpower, nor the writer of editorials for a foreign-language newspaper, but only a person like me, who reads things and thinks about them -- said this:

You know, if anything that argument would run the other direction. Wouldn't you think? I, myself, have tried not to use the "dammit, they owe us" argument but it's truly strange for them to try to turn it around and use it against us. If thousands of American dead in cemeteries in France and Germany lay any obligation on anyone, wouldn't you think it would be on them and not on us? Of course, these are also the nations who used the invocation of NATO Article V ("An attack on one will be considered an attack on all") to mean that the US had to get permission from Europe before fighting alone ("Since we were all attacked, we all have to agree on how to fight back using the US military that we all collectively control").

I'm thinking I'd like to see a "human shield" approach to the defense of Iraq. Sean Penn had the right idea (a phrase I thought I'd never hear myself say): Go to Baghdad. Talk. Listen. I mean, really listen. See for yourself. Use your presence at the bulls-eye as a deterrent to war. Hold yourself hostage.

Dare I comment?
Presidential Candidate Wants To Make Love, Not War To Iraq

...If elected, [Clint] Arthur's inaugural speech will explain how to give a woman multiple orgasms -- information he believes will revitalize the economy better than any tax plan.

I don't think I dare.

LATER: I have to say it. There's an inaugural address I'd pay to hear. You know, it actually sounds like it would belong on pay-per-view, doesn't it?

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. What is one thing you don't like about your body?

It's 48 years old. (It's hard not to dwell on these things.) I think it's probably a good thing that at about the same time our "can't do that any more" list begins to get long, we forget how much fun some of the things on it are. I mean, were. Memory, they say, is the second thing to go. What's the first? I forget.

2. What are two things you love about your body?

(a) It's still here. (b) It's 50 pounds lighter than it was.

3. What are three things you want to change about your home?

(Picture me stumbling over that last step that isn't there.) "Home"? I thought we were talking about my body. (a) Warmer. (b) Bigger. (c) More bookshelves.

4. What are four books you want to read this year?

(a) The Free Fall of Webster Cummings by Tom Bodett. (b) The Century of Sex by James R. Petersen. (c) In Our Defense by Ellen Alderman and Caroline Kennedy. (d) Atlanta's Half Century by Furman Bisher and Celestine Sibley. (There are more books than that on my "in progress" shelf, but I wanted to restrict myself to books that I haven't really started yet. I've almost finished Carl Sagan's "The Demon-Haunted World.")

5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself?

I can't count that high. (a) Love my wife. (b) Love my daughter. (c) Love my son. (d) Lose weight. (e) Get stronger.

Sorry, that was your fifteen minutes
Yahoo! News - Radio Station in Court Over Dry Ice Stunt

LONDON (Reuters) - A British radio station was in court Friday for running a competition during which four listeners suffered severe frostbite.
During the "Coolest Seats In Town" challenge by BRMB station in Birmingham, central England, four listeners competed to see who could sit on dry ice for the longest time.

Sometimes you just don't know who to slap first. Did none of these people know what dry ice is?

The silver screen
There was a time when I used to go to movies regularly. A number of things conspired to get me out of the habit.

I used to take Evenings Off (or, actually, late-afternoons off) and go to discount matinees. But when my hobby came to consume an evening every week, and the kids came along to take most of the rest, I lost that time to myself.

I used to work in a movie theater. I thought that would be heaven. Nothing can put you off going to a movie like working there. I saw the first and last 15 minutes of E. T. dozens of times. I mounted the film on the platters they use for projectors nowadays: I hated that. It eliminated the need to synchronize multiple projectors, but it also produced an explosion of splice marks at each reel transition. And not only was this esthetically unpleasing to me, but I was responsible for it.

Plus I made popcorn and mopped up spilled "golden seasoning", whatever that was. We all pretended it was butter, but we knew it wasn't.

Then, yes, affordable home video came along. For the price of going to a movie, I could own a copy and watch it at home. DVD was the final nail in that coffin: The picture at home is actually better than anything I can see at the theater. I saw Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in a theater... and I was horrified! The film grain is enormous. (When this isn't obvious, it's because it's out of focus.) The image was so contrasty as to be almost posterized. The music's too loud and the dialogue is too soft.

And I really resent paying good money to see commercials on a 50-foot screen. Raise the ticket price if you must, but it's them or me, Regal, them or me.

And cinematography has gone to hell. Television standards have taken over. Fast cuts and close-ups look fine on a 26-inch screen: In the theater, when Potter's knitted brows fill your field of vision, it's like being beaten with a blunt instrument. Come on, guys, I don't need to count nose hairs. Close-ups are for subtleties of expression: Tell your stories with medium shots. I need to see context, location, ambiance.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Still- Can't hold still? What type of music gets you going? I mean to where your just have to crank it up and start moving to the beat!

Every now and again, I feel that I reside on a different planet from the rest of you. This is one of those times. I don't dance. I mean, period. I'm immune to it. Tone deaf to it, if you wish to put it that way. I can hold still for, oh, days on end.

Twosome: Life- Life in the fast lane? What would it take to slow you down a bit and let you relax this weekend? Hmmm? ...or are you going to turn That Game on? (...and who's going to win?)

Considering that (for medical reasons) I haven't been to work since August, I don't think I'm in the fast lane right now. Game? What game? Risk? Parcheesi? ...Oh, is it still football season?

Threesome: In watercolor- Hey! How about wall art? What do you like to have hanging around the place for decoration? Kid pics? Knick-knacks? ...the Monet or two?

My walls are conspicuously bare. I have a framed poster or two from radio theater productions I've participated in.

Trivial pursuit
The news media have two general categories of information they can impart: Things we need to know and things we want to know. Many more acute observers than I have pointed out the conflict between them. Many have lamented that television news in particular is no longer a "pure" public service (which, cynicism aside, I believe it once was). But since it is now a clear and significant profit center for the networks that produce it, it is therefore obligated to gloss over difficult subjects so they won't drive too many viewers away.

In which of these categories falls Michael Jackson's nose? We clearly do not need to know: Can that be possible that we want to know?

Well, something led me to follow the chain of links from InstaPundit to Blogs4God to Anomalies Unlimited's The HisTory of Michael Jackson's face. (I am deeply ashamed.) The "HisTory" offers ample photographic documentation of Mr Jackson's deteriorating features. I suspect NBC will offer no further insight into the question without which this is "simple" archive retrieval: What was he thinking?

I am somewhat comforted by the fact that I spent no more than five minutes on this task. No hundreds of thousands of dollars to produce nor promote nor sponsor an hour-long program on the subject; nor indirectly support those who will / did by purchasing products. Five minutes from the origin of curiosity to its satisfaction. The web is a wonderful place.

I suppose that curiosity of this sort is a special case of "want to know". In which case, I have one further curiosity that will probably remain unsatisfied: How many things that I need to know will go unreported for want of the resources being allocated to Michael Jackson's nose?

LATER:
'Dateline' to spotlight Michael Jackson's face

The series can ''run the gamut from important, serious shows like Tom Brokaw's fantastic hour on Iraq to ridiculous but fascinating hours on Michael Jackson's face,'' [NBC Entertainment President Jeff] Zucker told the Television Critics Association.

Ah. Ridiculous. Entertainment. That makes it all right, then. That makes it OK to pick Michael Jackson's nose (oh, how I fought not to phrase it that way, but some events defy, I say, defy any attempt to maintain standards) for an hour (well, 48 minutes less commercials) on national television (which isn't worth what it used to be, what with the fractured viewer base and declining share, but is still a fair sized chunk of change).

Who will knowingly choose to sponsor this show? Clearasil? Revlon? Six Flags? NAMBLA?

Farewell
Locus Online: News Log, January 2003

Virginia (Ginny) Heinlein, widow of SF writer Robert A. Heinlein, passed away Saturday morning, January 18, 2003. She married Robert in 1948, and after his death in 1988 oversaw publication of several posthumous works, including Grumbles from the Grave and the uncut edition of Stranger in a Strange Land. She lived on the Atlantic coast.

Damn.

UPDATE: Here is Virginia Heinlein's obituary from SFWA.

Lawyers at work
Yahoo! News - Law Targets 'Up-Skirt' Filming

Galled by a court ruling last year that let two men get away with pointing cameras up women's skirts in public, Washington state legislators are proposing updated anti-voyeurism laws to outlaw the practice.

Filming a person's "intimate areas" would be made illegal, even in public places, and DNA samples would be collected from offenders to better track them under a bill written by State Rep. Patricia Lantz, who chairs the House Judiciary Committee (news - web sites).
"In the previous (anti-voyeurism) bill, we didn't consider the remote possibility that jerks would go around filming up the skirts of women," Lantz told Reuters.

...The amended law would not make it illegal to peek at a person's private areas in public, but would outlaw filming, including digital images, which can easily be loaded onto a computer and displayed on the Internet.

"As nasty as it is to the victims, standing over my desk and looking down my blouse is not a crime," Lantz said. "But this bill makes it clear you have a reasonable expectation of privacy about your body and a person's ability to film intimate areas of your body."

I would love to have heard the rationale behind the ruling that sticking a camera up a woman's skirt is not an invasion of her privacy, even if she has had the audacity to leave her home wearing one.

Because the next book is bigger than "War and Peace"
I'm not a big fan of fan-fiction of any kind, but Naked Quidditch makes me laugh out loud.

(That ought to have an interesting effect on my referral logs...)

Just sing, sweetheart, don't talk
Andrew Sullivan, in Salon's "Idiocy of the week", speaking of Sheryl Crow at the American Music Awards:

Here is a fabulously wealthy, famously cute singer, telling the impoverished men, women and children tortured, gassed and abused by one of the most disgusting dictators of all time that any attempt to rescue or liberate them is "not the answer." And she expresses this message in sequins.

Sigh. The message here is that talent or expertise in one field does not legitimize comments made in any other, and we should not delude ourselves that it does. Ms Crow's remarks are... amusing. All the more so that she has chosen the medium of sequins in which to express her opinions. (There's a reason she made her fortune in music.) There is no further significance.

From Yahoo news:

"I just think there's a really vital, sweeping peace movement out there that's not getting covered in the press, so I just kind of try to do my part," she said backstage.

"Not getting covered?" What does she read, Hit Parader? Ah, never mind. Fish in a barrel.

(Heard it from Photodude.)

Portrait of an unbalanced mind

LILEKS (James) The Blog: After Gnat went down for her nap I tried to do the same, but I�d had so much coffee my heart felt like a hummingbird in a shoe box; I laid there thinking it would be unfortunate if I had a heart attack now, because she�d wake up and cry and no one would come. But my wife comes home at six, and she�ll probably nap until one, so that�s just five hours, but still, that�s a long time to cry. Poor girl.

I would write something accusatory about such happy thoughts you have, but I can't pretend such things never occur to me. Consider where I spent the last week of the summer.

(This is an experiment, posted via Blogger's "Blog This" shortcut. The context-menu popup flatly does not work for me: This does, adequately.)

The personals

The Friday Five:

Where do you currently work?

In light of the previous post, I think I'd better not say. I'm currently on disability, anyway, owing to visual impairment resulting from a stroke. I'm sure I've mentioned it before...

How many other jobs have you had and where?

I'm forty-eight years old. How long do you have? I've managed retail stores and movie theaters. I've done tech support for Microsoft. I must be a glutton for punishment.

What do you like best about your job?

Uh. Mostly being left alone to do things my own way.

What do you like least about your job?

Working nights.

What is your dream job?

I copy-edited web pages. I went to work in a shop full of genius graphic artists who created the look and feel of a dozen sites a day, and proofread the pages for grammar and clarity. That was the most fun I've ever been paid to have. (I'd love to do that again. Anybody hiring? I have experience in Dreamweaver, Photoshop, and Microsoft Office, and pretty decent written communications skills...)

They did what?
I was going to draw your attention to The Edge of England's Sword, where you will find Iain Murray's comments regarding Michael Moore on the Daily Show (and of course we bloggers love to link to stuff like that)...

But I now feel compelled to draw your attention to a later post, in which he relates that he was sacked for blogging. No, really. Not blogging on company time, or saying nasty things about one's employer, or publishing confidential memos. Simply having a blog, his employer felt, justified his immediate termination. As if he'd been caught writing on the washroom walls.

Suddenly I understand why so many people don't put their names on theirs.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Health- Do any of your hopes for the New Year concern health issues?

Boy, howdy, do they. I spent entirely too much time in doctor's offices, hospitals and funeral homes this year, and I very much hope to CUT IT OUT.

Twosome: Wealth- What if you didn't have the ten million we were talking about last week on the Porch. What if you had an extra $100 dollars? Where would it go? Uh-uh! No necessities! You can only spend it frivolously!

Oh, come on, how far can you go for $100? That's not even enough for a weekend at the beach. (Well, it is if you don't sleep indoors, or eat...) On the other hand, it would buy Buffy Season Three with plenty enough to spare for dinner out.

Threesome: And Happiness- What would make you happy today? ...and not world peace, just something easy for you.

I'd be content if my long-term disability (which should have started in October) would finally kick in.

Comic book trivia
Well, for some I'm sure that's an oxymoron. For the rest...

Comics Continuum has screenshots from the upcoming "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" movie, starring Sean Connery as Alan Quatermain. Hmmm.

Is this an ad for CleanDisk?
Does this scare the bejezus out of anybody besides me?

Discs in trash lead to porn charge arrest
The man was arrested after a female passer-by dug into his trash and took the discs home. She put the discs into her computer and found the images, then reported her discovery to police.

Tell me something. Why do the words invasion of privacy occur nowhere in this story?

Look, I realize none of this reflects well on this guy. Granted. And I have children, so child porn is one of those things of which I'm not disposed to be tolerant. There are a lot of underage-looking girls making a lot of money with pictures like this, but I'm even willing to concede that your average Pinellas county policeman should be able to tell whether girls just look young for their age, or if they really are "under the age of 10" as the arrest report says. And I wouldn't expect anyone to ignore evidence of a crime (loose body parts, bagged cocaine, bootleg VeggieTales) just because it was found in the garbage. I reckon most evidence of crimes is found in the garbage.

But... but...

Ah, never mind. I don't have a leg to stand on here, just an instinctive "this is wrong" reaction.

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. Where are you right now?

I'm in front of my computer. Duh. (Oh, all right. I know what you meant.) At home.

2. What time is it?

Check the time stamp. Duh. (I've been checking the site since midnight for this week's questions. Obviously I have no life.)

3. What are you wearing?

What kind of phone call is this? What kind of girl do you think I am? No, wait, I'm not any kind of girl. Tempted as I am to say something outrageous, I confess I'm wearing a black tee shirt and casual pants. (Not jeans: I don't own any that fit. Come to think of it, these pants don't fit. I don't own any pants that fit.) Yep. That's what I'm wearing, all right. Nothing unusual going on here.

4. Any people or animals around you? Describe them.

Well, one of us doesn't have a life, I thought at first it was me, but now I'm not sure. My son is in the living room, just home from school, watching Jackie Chan (I think). He's eleven, skinny tow-headed kid. You've probably been watching him, you lurker. And if I see you around here again, I'm calling the police.

5. What are your plans for the weekend?

To live through it. Assuming I succeed in that, to do some grocery shopping and pick up Buffy Season Three. (See "I have no life", above.) Also to... never mind. None of your business. Move along. Nothing to see here. :)

Gosh, you caught me in a strange mood.

The smartest thing Martin Scorsese never said
James Lileks has it in today's Bleat.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Commercial- Are there any TV commercials that really grab you? I mean, to the point you want to show them to other people?

Who watches TV? The last commercial that really grabbed me was from Polaroid (which dates it a bit). The husband is at work preparing to give a presentation: He's obviously nervous, and his small but important audience is getting impatient. His phone rings: It's his wife. We never see her, we hear her over the phone.
"Are you coming home for lunch?"
"Hon, this meeting has come up, I don't think I'm going to be �"
"Have you opened your briefcase?"
He glances apologetically at his unforgiving guests. "No, I haven't. Look, I need to�" He fumbles the briefcase opens and takes out a Polaroid picture (which we, the audience, never see):
Full stop. Pause.
Husband raised the phone to his ear again and says, "I'll be home in twenty minutes."

Twosome: Holiday- Valentine's Day is coming up, do you celebrate the holiday or do you prefer to just let it pass you by?

It may be a modest celebration -- or it may not. We have kids. (Those of you who don't have kids may wonder why that's relevant. Those who do...know.) On the other hand, 2-14 falls on Friday this year...

Threesome: Madness- Even if you don't celebrate it, do you succumb to the madness and buy up boxes of chocolates, just for you?

Good heavens, no. Chocolate doesn't do it for me. I haven't had much of a taste for it for years, and even less so since my medical adventures. I will, however, confess a fondness for Sweetheart message hearts. (Buying Valentine's Day stuff for yourself? Isn't that just the teeniest bit...pathetic?)

There's something you don't hear every day
*BRRRING* *click* "Hello?"
"Yes, could I speak to..." (...and then a long pause, which tells me that (1) they're looking the name up on the list, and (b) it's probably going to be my wife's name, since most people can't figure how to pronounce it. Sure enough, it was for her.)
"I'm sorry, she's at work. Can I take a message?"
"Just tell her the Second Amendment called."
"I will. Tell the First hello for me."
"What?"
"Never mind."

Well, I've never been called by an Amendment before.

Oh, business would never do that

Yahoo! News - Firms Deny Creating Female Sexual Disorder
Pharmaceutical firms on Friday rejected claims they had created a new disorder known as female sexual dysfunction to build a market for Viagra and similar drugs among women.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Postage Hey, did all your packages and cards get delivered? ...or are you (or perhaps someone on the receiving end) still expecting something 'any day now'?

Everything got where it was going, in either direction. At least, everything I'm aware of.

Twosome: Due: Are you due for a break after all the excitement of the holidays? ...or are you just moving on with life? Maybe the upcoming weekend is a good thing to see on the horizon?

The holidays were the break. Now it's back to medical concerns. My dad, freshly out of the hospital, is going on a golfing trip next week (he's not playing, "only" supervising). If it weren't golf, I might go too. I could use a week in Florida.

Threesome: Two cents... What's your two cents on things wintery? Has it been one you can handle so far or a bit too much for your taste?

I am cold, but that has less to do with the weather than my altered metabolism (and being 50 pounds lighter than I'm used to being). It's gonna get colder before it gets warmer. I'll just have to hunker down and bear it.

The Friday Five is back.

1. Do you wear any jewelry? What kind?

I wear a wedding ring my daughter made for me. That's it.

2. How often do you wear it?

Constantly.

3. Do you have any piercings? If so, where?

Good heavens, no. (Well, there's a stint in there, but that's not what you mean, is it?)

4. Do you have any tattoos? If so, where?

Again, good heavens, no. I've never seen any piece of art I liked enough to see it on my hide. All I think when I see a tattoo is pain of application.

5. What are your plans for the weekend?

Radio theater meeting. Grocery shopping. (Gosh, I miss WebVan.) Generally getting the kids ready to return to school next week. I'm sure there are other things I'm not aware of.

Happy New Year
Here's to a dull, boring 2003.

LATER: My father spent the holidays in intensive care in the same hospital I was in last summer, having the same procedure done (angioplasty). He's expected to go home tomorrow. (UPDATE: He did.)