The Thursday Threesome::Two Day Sale::

Onesome: Two - Hey, we did 'threes' last week; let's try 'twos' this week. When you think of pairs, what comes to mind? ...and 'Bartletts' is the only wrong answer !

Oh, I'll bet the answer I'm thinking of is even more wrong than that.

Twosome: Day - Which day of the week do you live for? Is it getting back to work on Monday (right!) or maybe Friday, so you're gone! One of the weekend days? Which day works for you?

It's Saturday. That's when I get to see my family. Between one thing and another, the other six days they're scattered to the winds.

Threesome: Sale - Are you one of those people who will wait until something is on sale before you buy it? ...even if it's like forever? ...or do you just haul on down to the store whenever the urge hits? Hmmm? Planner, immediate or impulse? What type of buyer are you?

I'm a planner. I do research when I'm shopping for something, to decide exactly what I want, and to learn what's a fair price for it and whether it's likely to go on sale. Then I wait until I see it at a price I like.

Last week's topic of the week at the Back Porch: Let's Go to the Movies!

We wanna know - what movie can you bat the lines out faster then the actors? What are your favorite lines from a movie? Come on - this is your chance to show off your acting skills!

"Casablanca" is the only movie ever made that consists of nothing but favorite lines. But my favorite scene is the one where the young wife asks Rick if Renault is a man of his word. And a newly restored print hits DVD this week. Gotta have it.

Of course they're purple

AP | Dark-chocolate Hershey's Kisses
A dark-chocolate Hershey's Kiss, sporting a purple foil wrap and the paper tag reading 'Dark', is shown Friday, Aug. 1, 2003 in Philadelphia. The new line of candy will hit the stores in the coming weeks behind a $10 million dollar advertising campaign.

Region in transition
This photo from Yahoo seems to say it.

The Friday Five: This week's questions:

1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?

Variable. I usually wake up around 7:30 or 8:00. Since I am still on disability from work, there is no compelling reason to go anyhere, so sometimes I go back to sleep, depending on how late I was up the night before.

2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?

No. If anything, I'm more likely to get up early.

3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?

Are you after a more profound answer than "go to the bathroom"?

4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?

Variable. Anywhere from a half hour to all day. :)

5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?

McDonald's. I'm a big fan of the sausage mcmuffin.

The Thursday Threesome::Three Dog Night::

Onesome: Three - Lucky happenings are supposed to come in threes... What else comes in triplets and trios in your experience?

I'm not superstitious. It takes creative counting and self-fulfilling prophecies to make anything come in threes.

Twosome: Dog - Dogs and cats... Got a preference? ...and how about pedigree vs pound puppies/kittens? What do you think?

I'm not a pet person.

Threesome: Night - Hey, do you ever do a Sports Night and head out to watch a local team/event? What draws you out? Is it baseball, football, hockey, racing, lacrosse?

Nope. Hey, that's three for three: This week I'm an official party pooper.

New technology is a mixed blessing

TelevisionWeek | Saving Face in Hi-Def
Cameron Diaz is beautiful, right? After all, the green-eyed blonde has been a regular on People magazine's list of the most beautiful people in the world.
However, the magazine's editors-and most of the Western world-do not have a high-definition TV. If they did, they would see that Diaz's face is spotted with small pockmarks, the unfortunate consequence of a longtime acne problem. The actress recently discussed her skin troubles in the U.K. edition of Glamour.
"I want girls to realize that nobody looks like the women in the glossy photos without the help of a load of talented people," said Diaz, who reportedly had to skip a Gangs of New York premiere because of a new acne outbreak.
When seen on film, Diaz's skin imperfections are not noticeable, thanks to Hollywood's talented makeup artists. However, with HDTV, the picture is so precise that the acne damage cannot be hidden. In a high-def broadcast of Charlie's Angels on HBO, Diaz looks like a different person. She's still very pretty. But to be very frank, I doubt that she would make People's most beautiful list.
I am writing this not to discount the considerable charms of Cameron Diaz. But the story illustrates the impact that HDTV is having on the Hollywood glamour machine. As stars run for cover-literally-the industry is searching for new makeup techniques that will combat the evils of digital television. With high-def now in fewer than 6 million homes, the problem is under control. But if new solutions aren't found-and millions more get HDTV, as expected-the technology could change our perception of who's beautiful and who's not.
People sometimes say that an actor looks better-or worse-on TV than in person. Well, there's a reason for that. Heavy makeup-combined with the imprecise picture of an analog TV channel-can make an average-looking person look attractive.
However, HDTV's ultra-realistic picture is the great equalizer. Someone like Catherine Zeta-Jones, who has naturally beautiful skin and hair, looks even better on HDTV while Diaz suffers in comparison. Younger actors look more vibrant while older actors, such as Becker's Ted Danson, look their age or worse. Sorry, Ted.

TVPredictions.com | Playboy in HDTV: Not Looking Good
Playboy TV President Jim English says his company is not planning to launch a High-Definition channel anytime soon.
Why?
English says that some adult film stars would not look very attractive through the naked lens of HDTV. The technology delivers a picture so clear that many have compared it to looking through a window.
The problem is not new in Hollywood. TVPredictions.com reported last month that make-up artists are searching for new techniques to cover up the facial imperfections of celebrities when they appear in high-def.

Tell you what, here's a wild idea: What if, and of course I'm just talking through my hat here, but what if viewers are actually able to accept that not everybody has flawless skin? What if the rest of us know what Hollywood's forgotten: That the contents matter at least as much as the package, usually more.

After all, if Humphrey Bogart could become a movie star, then Cameron Diaz might be able to do it too--if she works as hard on her acting talents as she does on covering her acne.

Naah.

Y'ever heard of anyone having a "face for radio"? Soon we'll be speaking of a "face for low-rez".

The last time I went to (of all places) Sears, I saw a high-definition TV on display. I hadn't seen one before, and I was expecting to be underwhelmed. When Every New Thing claims to be the beginning of a revolution, you get jaded after a while.

I was stunned. Mesmerized. Compared to regular TV, it does, as advertised, look like you're looking through a window. As I walked up, it was a shot of tropical fish, and I thought it was a real aquarium--until the camera, and my point of view, moved.

I thought I'd fallen in.

I'm serious. If you're not prepared to drop the money on one of these things, don't go see for yourself, I beg you. Must...forget...

LATER: Good heavens. I forgot to compare this situation to its obvious analogue, in the early days of sound pictures, when actors' careers folded because their speaking voices didn't match their looks.

How time flies

New York Times | As Clock Ticks for Hubble, Some Plead for a Reprieve
Since it was launched in 1989 with a flawed mirror and then repaired by spacewalking astronauts, the Hubble, floating above the murky atmosphere, has been a matchless time machine, providing astronomers with views of unprecedented clarity deep into space and time. "The Hubble is the single most important instrument ever made in astronomy," said Dr. Sandra Faber, an astronomer at the University of California at Santa Cruz.
But its days (and nights) have always been numbered. NASA has long planned to end Hubble's spectacular run and bring it down in 2010 to make way in the budget for the James Webb Space Telescope, scheduled to be launched in 2011.
Still, some astronomers are urging that Hubble's life be extended. They argue that the telescope has grown even more productive in its years in orbit, thanks to periodic service calls by astronauts.
These astronomers say that killing Hubble in its prime makes little sense, either scientifically or from the standpoint of public relations. "Hubble is by far the best news NASA has now," a senior astronomer said.

It will cost $600 million to keep Hubble up for a few more years. You know, in governmental terms... that's still a lot of money. I'm afraid they are going to have to decide whether they want Hubble or Webb up there: Maintaining the one will delay the other. (I mean, I'm sure I could find $600 million worth of government spending I'd be willing to forego--why, that's only just over one million dollars per congressman and senator--but that wouldn't put any more cash in NASA's budget anyway.)

The Friday Five: This week's questions:

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?

"The Day After Groundhog Day".

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?

Oh, lots of classic sappy love songs by Paul Williams, Carly Simon, or maybe Harry Connick Jr. It should include "It Must Be You" by Stephen Bishop, "Out There" from Hunchback of Notre Dame and "I'm Going To Go Back There Someday" from The Muppet Movie. Maybe even "If You Believe" from Prince of Egypt, which I just heard yesterday for the first time in a while, and which broke my heart all over again.

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?

Live action, I think. Nothing happens that is sufficiently improbable to need animation. Maybe muppets.

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?

"The good news is, they're making a movie of your life. The bad news is, they've cast Bob Denver as you."
I think Richard Karn is the best we can do for me. Amanda Peet is my wife (or maybe Ashley Judd). I'm stumped for anybody else.

5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.

...Sorry, I'm drawing a blank.

The Thursday Threesome::Chicken Pot Pie::

Onesome: Chicken - Chicken, beef or pork? What's in the barbeque or on the grill this summer? ...or is it just too hot and a salad is all you're up to putting together?

Hey, I like salads. If I must grill a piece of meat, it's beef. However, not being a gourmet, it's either hamburger or a beef hot dog. If someone else is cooking it, I'll take a brat.

Twosome: Pot - Okay, really, did you inhale? I mean, what happened to all the side dishes that were served with the meat? ...and what side dish is essential to make your meal complete?

Assuming we're still grilling, get chips and potato salad.

Threesome: Pie - Hey, are you a pie or cake kind of person? ...or is it ice cream that 'floats' your dessert boat?

There are specific kinds of pie (chess) and cake (red velvet) that I'll always go for, but as a general rule I prefer ice cream.

EXTRA: The topic of the week at the Back Porch: Lights, camera...
We all have those scenes in our favourite movies that we wished turned out differently. If you could change a scene, what would you do to it? How would it affect the outcome of the film, if at all?

In Disney's "Hunchback of Notre Dame", Esmaralda really should have died. (Hope I'm not spoiling anything to point out that she does in the book.) It would have turned a good movie into a great one.

This-or-That Tuesday: Audience Potpourri Participation!:

1. DVD or VHS?

DVD. It's just plain better. And I can live happily without all those "extras", just give me a good movie with clear sound and a sharp picture.

2. Best Literary/Movie Villain: Voldemort (Harry Potter) or Sauron (LoTR)?

One of these days I guess I'm going to have to watch that "Ring" thing. The book bored me to tears. Voldemort's okay, but Goldfinger's got 'em both beat, so far. "You expect me to talk, Goldfinger?" "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

3. Meat: rare or well-done?

Well done. Civilized people cook their meat. Raw is for vegetables.

4. High Speed Internet-Cable or DSL?

We've had DSL for about a month and a half now, and Cable is looking better and better.

5) Women: 1-piece bathing suit or Bikini?

That depends on the woman in it. I do recall a certain black bikini, though...

6. To be fair--Men: Boxers or briefs?

Boxers. You're never going to catch me in briefs again. Now will someone please tell me what that is supposed to "say" about me?

7. Beer or Liquor/Wine?

Nope. Don't drink. I've sampled both: Must be an acquired taste. I'll be fine with a 7-up.

8. Coke or Mountain Dew?

Coke. This is Atlanta.

9. In honor of my 10/18/03 nuptials: Morning or Afternoon/Night Wedding?

Afternoon. Everyone will smirk if your "wedding night" is a nooner. And who ever heard of a night wedding? If you don't get to bed until 2am, you might do something you'll regret... like go to sleep.

10. Carpet or Hardwood Floors?

Hardwood. Low maintenance, allergy-friendly, beautiful hardwood.

11. American cars or foreign?

In this household we're three for three: Foreign.

12. Cutest TV Twin: Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen?

You. Must. Be. Kidding.

13. Coffee: Caffeinated or Decaf?

Coffee? Bleaugh.

14. Thought-Provoking Question of the Week: Computers: Do they make life better or worse? Why?

Better. I think. Sometimes I wonder.
No, better. I remember what writing was like with a manual typewriter. (You young people, you don't know what it was like. You try typing a term paper on a manual typewriter. Even better, try to produce an original and two clean carbon copies. I'll bet you don't even know what carbon paper is. Yes, they still make it.)

The Friday Five: This week's questions:

1. When was the last time you cheated?
2. When was the last time you stole?
3. When was the last time you lied?
4. When was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property?
5. When was the last time you hurt a loved one?

You know, I don't think I want to answer these questions. Where the answer is "never", it sounds sanctimonious. Where it isn't, there is no good that can come of reopening a wound. Ancient history and lingering regrets. The only reason I'm acknowledging the questions at all is that it would be at least as conspicuous not to.
I started answering these weekly memes in order to discuss subjects it wouldn't ordinarily occur to me to discuss. In order to play the game fairly, I have answered some questions I didn't particularly want to answer. But there's a point beyond which I'm not prepared to go.

France bans e-mail
Not the concept--just the word.

AP | France Bans the Term 'E-Mail'
PARIS - Goodbye "e-mail", the French government says, and hello "courriel" - the term that linguistically sensitive France is now using to refer to electronic mail in official documents.
The Culture Ministry has announced a ban on the use of "e-mail" in all government ministries, documents, publications or Web sites, the latest step to stem an incursion of English words into the French lexicon.
The ministry's General Commission on Terminology and Neology insists Internet surfers in France are broadly using the term "courrier electronique" (electronic mail) instead of e-mail - a claim some industry experts dispute. "Courriel" is a fusion of the two words.

The French people, on the other hand, "insist" that the Culture Ministry has its t�te up its �ne.

What's the point...?
...of stealing somebody else's page and posting it as your own? Stevland Ambrose of SuperFastComputer has busted a few of his least imaginative imitators. Some of them might be in the intermediate stages of using his template as a starting point... but some of them are just, how should I say it, unauthorized mirror sites.

They x-rayed a teddy bear?
And a good thing too.

Yahoo! News / AP | Airport Workers Find Gun in Teddy Bear
ORLANDO, Fla. - Airport security workers found a loaded handgun stuffed inside a brown teddy bear that a 10-year-old boy was carrying on a trip home after his family's Florida vacation, authorities said Thursday.
The FBI is investigating how the gun got inside the teddy bear.
A Transportation Security Administration worker noticed the outline of a gun when the bear passed through an X-ray machine at Orlando International Airport on Saturday.
The TSA found a loaded .22-caliber gun after the bear was opened. The boy's family told investigators that the bear was a gift from a girl at the hotel where they stayed during their Orlando vacation.

The Thursday Threesome::Bell, Book and Candle::

Onesome: Bell - Belling the cat: What have you taken on lately that you really, really didn't want to do? ...and did it get taken care of?

Uh...

Twosome: Book - What was the last radical departure in your reading habits? I mean, you were reading one genre for a while, what did you switch to?

My reading habits are so eclectic that it's hard to say which direction is a departure. But the last book I finished was Red Thunder by John Varley.

Threesome: Candle - Do you burn candles around the house? use them for decoration? ...or are you more into flowers and tablecloths?

Candles? Flowers? Tablecloths? We only use candles when the power goes out. Flowers... die around here. We do have a tablecloth on the dining room table...

EXTRA: The topic of the week at the Back Porch: The Patronus
�The Patronus is a kind of positive force, a projection of the very thing that the Dementor feeds upon � hope, happiness, the desire to survive � but it cannot feel despair, as real humans can, so the Dementors can�t hurt it.�Each one is unique to the wizard who conjures it�.(It) will work only if you are concentrating with all your might on a single, very happy memory.�
(Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, p. 176)
If you have read the book, you will know that Harry�s Patronus took the form of a stag, which was the animal his father would transform into.
If you were to conjure a Patronus as a guardian, what would be the single, very happy memory you would use? And what form do you think your Patronus would take?

For a happy memory, it's hard to top the births of my children.
What form? What else? Moo.

Think happy thoughts
Jerry's dad was scheduled to undergo open heart surgery (two bypasses and a valve reconstruction) when his heart stopped. Because he is in a first-rate heart facility, they got it started again.

Several times.

There appears to be no brain damage, and they intend to go ahead with the surgery as planned. The risks just increased dramatically, but there is really no other option.

Jerry is in Albuquerque now. Prayers and happy thoughts are encouraged.

(I've just posted this same update to Milblog: I imagine further updates will appear there as well.)

This-or-That Tuesday: Summer Re-run!:

1. Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck?

Daffy Duck. Oh, yes, Bugs was day-in and day-out more consistent, but when Daffy was at his best he was sublime. Duck Dodgers; Robin Hood; and alone on a white background. And the sheer audacity of removing Bugs' drag disguise in front of Elmer!

2. Tom or Jerry?

Tom. It wasn't always his fault.

3. Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck?

Mickey Mouse. Donald is a one-note character at best, only funny when he fails. The Mouse is the Man.

4. Rocky & Bullwinkle or Boris & Natasha?

Rocky & Bullwinkle. Although it is Boris and Natasha that give the show a spine, it is Rocky and Bullwinkle that give it heart.

5. Road Runner or Wile E. Coyote?

Wile E. Coyote. Unlike the Road Runner, there's not a shred of cruelty or viciousness in him. He just wants to eat.

6. Sylvester or Tweety?

Sylvester. His best moments are without Tweety (a handful of 'toons in which he's Porky's silent, terrified pet). After seven minutes of Tweety's annoying voice I'm ready to shoot him myself.

7. Popeye or Bluto?

Popeye.

8. South Park or The Simpsons?

The Simpsons.

9. Jetsons or Flintstones?

Jetsons.

10. And finally, the eternal question asked by all good Scooby-Doo fans: Velma or Daphne?

Oh, Velma!

The Friday Five: This week's questions:

1. Do you remember your first best friend? Who was it?

Yes I do, but you're not getting his name. He was a next door neighbor.

2. Are you still in touch with this person?

No. That's why you're not getting his name. And I'm not telling you why, either.

3. Do you have a current close friend?

I have several friends to whom I am close, and whom I trust explicitly, but not a "best friend"...unless you count the one I married.

4. How did you become friends with this person?

Magic. I have no better explanation.

5. Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with? Why?

There are plenty of people I don't see enough of, but I'm hard pressed to think of someone I don't see at all that I wish I did.

The Thursday Threesome::From the Summer Picnic Basket!::

Onesome: Honey - Hey there! Not that you personally need any sweetening, but just in case: what goes in your summer drinks to sweeten things up? Honey? Sugar? Artificial sweetener? ...or are your taking things straight up this time 'round?

Splenda. It's the only artificial sweetener that actually tastes like sugar.

Twosome: Mustard - Okay, what condiment has to come to the table for that burger or hotdog? Ketchup? Mustard? Salt? Pepper? Just what is it you 'relish'?

Heinz 57 sauce or something like it.

Threesome: Sauce - ...and along with that, which sauce do you simply have to have around? BBQ? A-1? That special sauce you learned to make when you worked fast food at the mall? How about it? You brought those napkins along for a reason!

See above. I find that Heinz 57 sauce improves almost everything it touches, from ground beef to chicken nuggets.

EXTRA: The topic of the week at the Back Porch:
Lining Up - Anyone here so desperate to get their hands on a copy of the new Harry Potter book that they lined up overnight to get it?
Or have you ever camped out in sleeping bags with a thermos of hot coffee on a cold Winter's night for concert tickets for your fave band?
Share your stories about the times your obsession with a book, band, sporting team or anything else has seen you spending an obscene amount of time in line.
What did you do to pass the time? What were the people like around you? Who were you with? And would you do it again?

As mentioned previously, I was part of the entertainment at the Harry Potter release party at the Perimeter Mall (Atlanta) Barnes & Noble. If I hadn't been part of the show, I have to admit, I wouldn't have been there.
I don't recall waiting in line overnight for anything. My wife has, though: Atlanta Public Schools makes the process of requesting an out-of-zone transfer far more work than it needs to be. And although they say you have a month to apply, in practice if you aren't there when they open the doors on the first day, you won't get it.

I saw this and thought of you
Hey, Ha, is this you?

Britney Spears isn't a virgin!
I'm sure, somewhere, there must be somebody who cares.

Actually, I find myself sympathizing. Adolescence is hard enough without being famous, too.

What do you mean, she's twenty-one?

Finally
Late last night, I finished Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

You know, it's hard to argue with success, and Rowling has gone from being a struggling single mom to being richer than the Queen on the strength of this continuing story. But I can't help thinking this would have been a better book had it been about a third shorter.

UPDATE: My wife reminds me I said the same thing about Goblet of Fire. Yeah, well, ok. Make it one-half. (C'mon, it's not like she's being paid by the word.)

The Friday Five: This week's questions:

1. What were your favorite childhood stories?

Much to my wife's astonishment and dismay, I never read children's stories as a child. They bored me. I remember being particularly unimpressed by "The Cat in the Hat", which character I found intensely annoying. (The hero of the book, it seemed to me, was the fish.) I read comic books. I read anything Batman was in.
Well, I must have read some. I remember ordering regularly from Scholastic Book Services, and reading them until they fell apart. Miss Pickerell Goes to Mars. The Boy Who Stole The Elephant. The Thinking Machine (not really a children's book, but an edited version for young readers; I've since re-encountered these stories in the unabridged Dover editions).

2. What books from your childhood would you like to share with [your] children?

See above. But they're old enough to appreciate Robert Heinlein's juveniles. It may be time to introduce my son to the Thinking Machine. "Two and two make four, not just sometimes, but all of the time."

3. Have you re-read any of those childhood stories and been surprised by anything?

Most of the stories I'm reading to my kids now, I'm reading for the first time, so re-reading is not an issue. If I'm surprised by anything, it's that some of them actually are decent reading.

4. How old were you when you first learned to read?

I don't remember learning. I know my grandmother taught me to read on TV Guide. I think I must have been around three.

5. Do you remember the first 'grown-up' book you read? How old were you?

Good heavens, no. Again, see above. But Tarzan of the Apes must have been among them. I was enthralled by Burroughs' storytelling, and disappointed that the Tarzan movies were so much simpler than the rich, multi-threaded pulp originals.

The Thursday Threesome::Celebrate!::

Onesome: Celebrate - What's your favourite way to celebrate? Do you go out for a meal at a nice restaurant or head out to the local bars and blow off some steam with your friends and a few drinks? Or maybe something quiet, like a nice meal at home with the movie of your choice in the DVD player or VCR? Or something completely different? Tell us!

Generally I go out to eat, somewhere a step or two up from McDonald's.

Twosome: Independence - How old were you when you declared your independence and left home for the first time? Did you go back temporarily? Are you still there? ;)

I was 21 in 1976 when I got married and moved into an apartment. I've never lived at "home" since.

Threesome: Day - As in, "Day-o!" (Cueing up Harry Belafonte!) Hey, what are you singing this summer? Last year it was Sheryl Crow "Soak up the Sun"; what's working the beat for you this year? Is there a favorite song or two on your hit list?

Last year I was in and out of the hospital all summer, and wasn't singing much. (I wouldn't know Sheryl Crow if she bit me.) This year... Hm. For some reason I'm not listening to a lot of music these days. I'll go with, of all things, Olivia Newton-John, "I Honestly Love You." (The original arrangement, not the lush treacle on the soundtrack of "The Wedding Planner.")

Better late than never?

Yahoo! / Reuters | 'Luftwaffe' Scrubbed Off German President's Planes
The name "Luftwaffe" is being replaced on two official German government planes more than half a century after the Nazi air force terrorized Europe's skies.
..."Obviously when the president flew to countries where there are certain historic resentments against the Luftwaffe, he didn't exactly get off to a good start when the plane landed with that word dominating the plane," said one government official who asked not to be identified.
Rau has decided to have "Bundesrepublik Deutschland" (Federal Republic of Germany) painted on the planes instead, modeling them after U.S. presidential aircraft.

Well, it's German for "air force", what are they supposed to say? Fliegengnugen?

Keep swimming

L.A. Times | Fish Flushers Learn Life Does Not Imitate 'Nemo'
Margie Valadez, a dispatcher for RotoRooter, is used to calls from upset customers whose watches, rings or even cell phones were accidentally flushed down the toilet. Lately, though, she's been taking calls from hysterical parents asking if plumbers can rescue fish.
"I hear kids crying in the background," she said. "But there's nothing we can do. They're gone."
...Sasha De Marino, manager of Aquarium Stock in Los Angeles, said she has received seven calls from parents whose children won't believe them about the real destination of flushed fish.
"I've had to explain to these young kids that flushing them doesn't take the fishes to where they would want to go," De Marino said.

The story goes on to explain exactly what really happens to a fish that goes down the drain. I wasn't expecting this level of detail. It ain't pretty.

But I told you all that to give you the punch line:

But Dan Mathews, vice president of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, agreed with the movie's message that "any fishbowl is just a hellish prison." He said he hoped that parents would "have the brains and the sense to tell their children fish are better left in their natural environment."

Count on the L.A. Times to be sure that this perspective isn't overlooked. After all, sales of clownfish are way up.

By the way--I loved Finding Nemo. Yes, I cried, darnit.

The Friday Five: This week's questions:

1. How are you planning to spend the summer [winter]?

Returning to some work, somewhere. I don't think the job I'm collecting disability from is still there.

2. What was your first summer job?

Bagging groceries at my father's grocery store.

3. If you could go anywhere this summer [winter], where would you go?

Beeeeeach. Clearwater FL or Jekyll Island GA will do fine.

4. What was your worst vacation ever?

When I was a kid, my dad took a notion to drive all week. We went north on I-75 as far as we could go, turned east around Lake Erie and cut through Canada, re-entered the U.S. at Niagara Falls, then back south via the Pennsylvania Turnpike and I-85. Camping every night. I hate camping.

5. What was your best vacation ever?

Hm. Tampa/Clearwater FL, about five years ago. We were down for a radio theater appearance at a science fiction convention, and stayed an extra day just to loaf around.

The Thursday Threesome::Rings, things and fine array::

Onesome: Rings- Hmmm.. How are you about jewelry? Do you wear any? ...none? What is your day to day complement. ...and what one particular piece do you save for special occasions?

I don't do jewelry.

Twosome: Things- Ah, and how about those 'things' about the place? You know, the ones that you cannot throw out, but don't seem to really have a place of their own... Where do they end up? ...in The Drawer? ...or do you have a better place for those bits of randomness that just seem to show up now and again?

We throw them out, generally. If it's something we actually need to keep, it has a place where it belongs.

Threesome: and fine array- Okay, so Summer's here (except in the Land Down Under)... What is your "fine array" to clothe yourself in for the next few months? Do you still maintain? ...or do you 'go native' with vengence? Hmmmm???

My wardrobe doesn't change much seasonally. I'm just looking forward to being warm.

The personals
Thursday Threesome:
Onesome: Free. Do you watch the ads for "Buy this and get this trinket free" just so you can get that second gift? ...and then wonder what to do with the first one?
No, I don't. Getting two things I don't need for the price of one is no bargain.

Twosome: Gift How the heck do you figure out how to buy gifts for family members? You know, the ones with no list who say, "Oh, whatever..."
If you don't know what to give, give money. It's always appreciated.

Money is better than gift certificates. Gift certificates force the recipient to shop at a particular store convenient for you, which might not be convenient for them -- and if you're so sure where they want to shop, how can you not know what they would like there? Plus, did you know that some GCs have expiration dates?

On the other hand, if you're giving money, you have to give more money than you would have spent on a gift.

Threesome: Wrapping Are you a wrapping maven? ..or are are you wrappingly challenged? Who does the gift wrapping around your place anyway?
If I do say so myself, I wrap pretty good. But what kind of ingrate feels less grateful for a gift if its wrapped badly?

The Friday Five is still on vacation.

The trouble with making a statement
...is that sometimes you're not saying what you think you're saying.

Take this American Apology Shirt, for example. Perhaps you've seen it: A multi-lingual text-based shirt, bearing the legend "I'm sorry my president's an idiot. I didn't vote for him." The marketer, Joel Aufrecht, claims it's intended for international travel: There's a variant for domestic wear, missing the English version, implying that anyone likely to be offended won't be able to read any other language. (Which is absurd: I don't remember much of my high school Spanish or college French, but I remember enough to parse this.)

But then, I'm not really offended by this. Astonished, yeah. Amused, marginally--though I'll find it terribly amusing if I actually see someone wearing one. Does Mr Aufrecht actually imagine that it will be taken at face value? Is it possible that it would be?

The question this brings to mind is this: At what point does any public figure forfeit the expectation of respectful disagreement? Is it possible for someone on the left to be so screwloose that it's okay to say the equivalent of "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot"?

(Ah, Seattle. Might have known.)

Mostly I find myself jealous that I haven't thought of some pithy marketable political statement I could raise a few dollars with. There was a time, back when flag burning was in the news and Jay Leno was advertising Lay's potato chips, that I toyed with having bumper stickers made with the slogan, "Burn all you want: We'll make more." Today, of course, thanks to CafePress and services like it, it's only a moment's work to actually make it happen--but few people remember the snack commercial that would make the joke clever (if, in fact, it is clever at all).

Ah, well. My version of the Iraqi Deck of Cards is out there somewhere, waiting for me to think of it.

Adventures in Oz

CNN | Democrats pledge support for affirmative action
"When I'm president, we'll do executive orders to overcome any wrong thing the Supreme Court does tomorrow or any other day," said Rep. Dick Gephardt of Missouri.

Oh, good, that's another of those supremely stupid things that every body is already on. Or, at least, the bloggers are. Glenn Reynolds thinks this remark is (or should be) a Trent Lott moment, and wonders why more people don't seem to think so. I am saddened, but not surprised.

Happy Potter's Day
Yes, there is a reference to water-skiing budgies in the first chapter.

My son is reading it now. Me, I'm going to bed.

The Friday Five: This week's questions:

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?

Straight and shortish.

2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?

It used to be extremely blond. Now, that which remains is "dark blond" (light brown) with gray.

3. How do your normally wear your hair?

Oh my head. Combed straight back, loosely parted on the left.

4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?

My bald spot would disappear.

5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?

Not really. Men don't have "disasters", just the occasional bad haircut.

The Thursday Threesome::Harry Potter Mania::

Onesome: Potter- Which Harry Potter character is your favourite? Why do you like him or her?

Poor Ron Weasley. One of a crowd of Weasleys and the hero's best friend. Doomed to be overlooked and ignored no matter what he does. (Interesting contrast with Harry, who spent ten of his first eleven years being hated, four years being Famous, and would now give anything to be overlooked and ignored.)

Twosome: Publication- Is there one publication that you just have to read? A paper you read daily, a magazine you read weekly or monthly? Newsletters? And do you buy it for the articles, or just to look at the pictures? ;) Whatever it is, tell us about it!

Nope. Well, I'm enjoying the current run of The Amazing Spider-Man...

Threesome: Party!- The festivities begin tomorrow night in bookstores across the US and England, (and elsewhere too, probably!) with fun and games for the kid in all of us. Do you plan to be there standing in the queue when the clock strikes midnight to pick up your copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix?

Why, thank you so much for an opportunity to plug the release party at the Perimeter Mall Barnes & Noble, where the Atlanta Radio Theatre Company will present readings from the first four books. Your correspondent will be appearing in several supporting roles, including Arthur Weasley, Nearly Headless Nick, and James Potter. My son will be Colin Creevey, and my daughter (!) is Draco Malfoy. No, really. The magic of radio.
(Well, she has the right coloring. Blonde hair, pale skin, all that. Wearing her school uniform in Slytherin colors, she does look like she could be a Malfoy. We just have to convince her that however snotty she thinks she has to be to play Draco, double it. There's no way to overdo this.)

Continental drift in the blogosphere
Because I posted that snarky little comment about Bill O'Reilly, and because I linked back to the transcript of Mr O's original comment, I showed up on Technorati's inbound link list as a "fresh link" for FoxNews.com, and got a fistful of page views out of it. I hope they weren't disappointed.

Between Technorati, Popdex and Google, the whole Blogopolis dynamic is changing. I'm sure someone with more patience than I can (possibly already has) come up with a way to "game" the system.

Or is it changing? Do these tools just quantify what was already happening? I notice that the activities they reward -- frequent posting, linking to sources -- are pretty basic, and it's no surprise that Instapundit, who was already doing these things and achieving deserved popularity thereby, remains the Blogfather of Blogdom as it currently stands.

Playing saxophone on the street corner
Andrew Sullivan can make six figures from blogging? Maybe I should play up my ongoing disability and my appalling cash flow situation...

Naah. I'm no Andrew Sullivan, in any category. I agree with Photodude on this one. There's a tip jar on the left, for the same reason I buy the occasional lottery ticket. And I figure it has about the same odds for a significant payoff. It's been used exactly once. I'm okay with that. I do this for giggles.

Unrestrained speech
Naah, nothing for me to add to the public humiliation of Bill O'Reilly. Everybody, and I mean every body, is already on it.

Unfortunately, the bean counters at Fox will consider it free publicity for the show, and the irony of the situation is probably lost on Mr O'Reilly. I did find it amusing that the screed opened with an allusion to "sex lies and videotape", which (1) had nothing to do with the rest of the essay (being sparked by a true but arguably incomplete NEWSPAPER report regarding the departure of a RADIO show from the San Francisco airwaves: an error is not a lie, and there's no sign of sex and videotape in the story at all), and (2) is what passes for cutting edge currency in the world of O'Reilly, being fourteen years old. And it ended with an equally amusing assertion that there was no "Most Ridiculous Item" for that date, which is blatantly false, except that the host's own opening statement will never be considered for that honor.

Ah, well. As I said, I have nothing to add.

Say, did you hear there's a new Harry Potter book coming out? Maybe.

The Friday Five: This week's questions:

1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?

Oh, I can't tell you that.

2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?

I try to be. That may be why so few people ask me such questions.

3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?

Nothing. They were never found. :)
No, I have a serious answer, but it may be too serious to follow that joke. In the course of a conversation, a female friend confided in me that she had, not long previously, been raped. She was still bearing bruises and scratches from that attack. She was such a sweet girl that I wanted to apologize to her on behalf of all men, which I quickly realized would have been a stupid thing to say, so I said the only thing I could say... which was, basically, to express shock and sympathy. I still don't know what else I could have said.

4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?

Oh, being a member of Lazarus Long's extended family (see Robert A. Heinlein's Time Enough for Love) sounds pretty good. Wealth beyond imagining, eternal life, and constant sex: Who would turn that down?

5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?

Well, aside from the ability to make money without working? I wish I could draw.

The Thursday Threesome::Quoth the Raven, Nevermore::

Onesome: Quoth- Do you use quotations much? ..at all? What is your favorite quote? ...and why, pray tell?

A

I don't use quotations much. I'd rather not risk using them out of their proper context. I'd rather be sure that I'm using them in a way that accurately reflects their original intent. Favorite quote? I think I answered that a couple of weeks back in the Friday Five.

Twosome: the Raven- The symbol of the raven has a lot of mythology and superstition attached. How are you in this area? Do you avoid ladders with black cats perched on them on Friday the thirteenth? ...or do you just toss a pinch of salt over your shoulder and move along about your business? Hmmm?

Well, that was a bit of a stretch. No, I'm not superstitious. Except for comic effect. Knock wood.

Threesome: Nevermore- ...and the softball of the week: What is it that you've tried that is on the "Nevermore" list? ...and do people even dare to bring it up around you?

Hm. There are plenty of things I don't do, but nothing that stands out in my mind in this context.

WMDs: Do they matter?
In some contexts, no. Instapundit has more. Specifically, scroll down to the letter from Major Diggs Cleveland, who has just taken my breath away.

I say that one only needs to look into a mass grave, filled with the bones of children scattered among dolls and toys, to know that this war was necessary.

If you are not prepared to accept that, then don't bother reading the rest of the post. Nothing the Major, the Professor, or I can say is likely to persuade you.

The Friday Five: My, what...profound questions this week.

1. How many times have you truly been in love?

Truly? Once. (There was another close call, though. *Sigh*)

2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?

I don't have the bandwidth to tell you. But read the stuff she wrote while I was in the hospital and you'll get a clue.

3. What qualities should a significant other have?

Above all, tolerance. With me, she'll need it.

4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?

I think so. My first relationship ended very badly.

5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?

It's worth it.

LATER: I just read some of the other answers, and I see someone else gave the same answer to question five. In fact, they said it first. I never claimed it was an original insight, just that it is the truth.

I stared at it for a while before I hit the "post" link, thinking that it needed more elaboration, perhaps some qualification. I need to justify my reputation as a writer and generally deep thinker. But no. It's one of the few Absolute Truths in Life, and anything I could add weakens it.

I repeat: It's worth it.

The Thursday Threesome::Rice Krispies Treats::

Onesome: Rice- Okay, what's the preference at your place at dinner time, rice or potatoes? ...or something else? Hmmm?

Generally the family prefers potatoes, although I prefer rice.

Twosome: Krispies- ...and how about breakfast? If you're a cereal person, what is your favorite? ...or is there something else you'd prefer to start your day with?

Cheeri-Os. Preferably with a side of two microwave sausage links and a small bowl of chunked cantaloupe.

Threesome: Treats- Has anyone not seen "Finding Nemo"? What treat did you have to buy (or slip in) for it to be a "Theatre Experience"?

I haven't seen "Finding Nemo". And movies need popcorn.

The Friday Five: My, what...sweeping questions this week.

1. What do you most want to be remembered for?

Pleasant companionship.

2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life?

"'In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." (What it's from.)

3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year?

Living through it.

4. What about the past ten years?

Uh. Acting on stage with Harlan Ellison, Anthony Daniels and Jonathan Harris.

5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say?

"Life isn't fair." I'm a parent, I get this question almost daily. I never know what answer to which question will be The One My Kids Remember.

The Thursday Threesome::Pop Quiz!::

Onesome: Ain't- There's a lot of slang floating around out there. Some of it has even found its way into the dictionary. Is there any one word that you find more annoying than others? That you just wish would fall off the face of the planet, never to be heard again?

"Tight" as an expression of approval.

Twosome: It- It's/Its, they're/their/there. Just a few of the most commonly misspelled words in the English language. So the question is, when you blog, do you worry about grammar, punctuation and spelling? If you notice a typo do you go back and edit? Or do you shrug it off because everyone makes typos?

If it's worth writing about, it's worth spelling it correctly. I fix it. Everyone should. Editing is easy. (It's harder to catch 'em than it used to be...)

Threesome: Purty?- Purty/pretty, crick/creek, warsh/wash. All common pronunciations, whether they sound pretty or not. And one is mispronounced. What's one commonly mispronounced word that just drives you nuts?

Here in Georgia, you develop a high tolerance for such things. The crick, after all, don't care: It's still purty. (There's something about saying you're "on line", though, when the correct usage is so clearly "in line".)
That said, I don't care for deliberate mispronunciations for the sake of humor. I am amused to observe that when someone, let's say the President, says "nucular", it effectively ends any discussion of the actual subject while everyone rolls their eyes at his pronunciation. One might almost think he does it on purpose.

He's here, he's there, he's everywhere

Expatica.com | Twin teens terrorise town
"One twin would confront a child and force the kid to run down a street where, on rounding a corner, it would come face-to-face with the other twin and freak out."
By telling their victims "you can run but you can't hide", the boys established a lucrative criminal operation "based on fear and intimidation", the officer said.
As their notoriety spread, children would "voluntarily" hand over protection money, police said. In at least one instance, the twins forced a boy to use a tree branch to whip a girl who had crossed them.
The reign of terror ended last July when one child broke down and told his parents how multiple bruises had been inflicted by a mystery youth who could be in two places at once. The parents notified neighbours whose children had also been roughed up.

This is the kind of thing that all of us who've ever wished we were twins fantasized about doing. Every twin I've ever met, on the other hand, talked about their desire to be thought of as an individual person and not half of a set.
But then, that's what you'd expect them to say, isn't it...?

The Friday Five:

1. What brand of toothpaste do you use?

Crest.

2. What brand of toilet paper do you prefer?

Scott.

3. What brand(s) of shoes do you wear?

Shoes have brands?

4. What brand of soda do you drink?

Sprite. Though I'm developing a taste for Sierra Mist.

5. What brand of gum do you chew?

None. (Doing market research? Slow question week?)

The Thursday Threesome::Rain, rain, go away. Come back another day::

Onesome: Rain, rain- Some people love rainy days every once in a while. Are you one of them? Do they make you want to curl up in bed with a good book or going walking through the mist? Or would you rather it just go away?

C'mon, have you seen the Georgia weather this spring? We're drowning here! Streets are getting washed away!

Twosome: Go away- If you could go away to just one place, where would you go and why?

I am in need of a warm beach. I've been cold since last August and I'm tired of it. I want to be warm. (How do you go away to more than one place? No matter where I go, I'm only in one place.).

Threesome: Come back another day- What's the one place you've been to that you would like to go back to another time?

Beach notwithstanding, I would love to get a group of friends together and take a road trip to New Orleans.

An RSS feed? Why?
I can barely spell RSS! Fortunately, the good people at Blogmatrix have made it pretty easy. If you're in the mood, here's the code for the DPM RSS feed: Give it a try and let me know how it works.

I'm agreeing with a Democrat.
Sorry, it was in the Agenda.

Creators.com | Susan Estrich: The Clintons are back.
Bill Clinton is a brilliant man. But the more attention he gets, the more the Democrats of the future suffer. He would be the first to say this, if it weren't about him.

There were other, er, interesting quotes I could have pulled (including the reason most papers that normally carry Susan Estrich's column aren't carrying this one), but that one will do.

The Friday Five:

1. What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.?

Tap is just fine.

2. What are your favourite flavor of chips?

I no longer eat chips. However, when I did, I had developed a fondness for barbeque corn chips.

3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most?

That would be "dislike the least": I don't llike to cook. That said, I like the way I fix fettucine.

4. How do you have your eggs?

In the refrigerator.
Oh, that's not what you meant? If I have to cook 'em, they're gonna be scrambled. If someone else will do it, I'll have a ham and cheese omelet.

5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out?

That would be my wife (although she had our daughter make the mashed potatoes). It was fine.

Thursday Threesome::Quick as Can Be!::

Onesome: Quick as-- Quickly now, June is almost here: are you attending any graduation ceremonies in the next few weeks? Hmmm... Maybe that should be "Have you been invited to any?"

Nope. (This is my son's last year in elementary school, but they are correctly calling it a Promotion Exercise.)

Twosome: Can-- Still moving right along: Can it really be the Merry Month of May? How many birthdays do you have to remember this month? Family? Friends? Associates?

My son's birthday is the 29th: He'll be twelve. Ulrika's is... why, it's today!

Threesome: Be(e)-- Be ready, the bug population is starting to be a bother (at least from blog reports). Is there any particular crawly or flying beastie that just makes you jump out of your skin?

Not really. I hate mosquitoes worst of all, the little bloodthirsty vermin.

Just grab a picture, any picture
One of the three feature stories on today's AOL startup screen is tonight's lunar eclipse.

The photo illustrating this story is of a solar eclipse.


UPDATE: Aw, they fixed it...

SECOND UPDATE: Atlanta sky overcast: No moon visible.

If I'd looked up at midnight and seen a solar eclipse, I guess I would have just gone back inside and hugged my wife in the few moments remaining before the planet is reduced to a cinder.

Either that or reset my clock.

Conspicuous silence?
Possibly. But the Jayson Blair story has been telling itself so well that I haven't felt a need to contribute. Mickey Kaus is all over it. (Just so you know I noticed it.)

So, is it or ain't it?
I'm so confused. Somebody please read this confusing article in the Seattle Times and tell me what it means. Did Microsoft say the iLoo was a hoax when it really wasn't? Or did they pretend it wasn't a hoax when it really was? Or did it simply not matter because it was "only" the London office?

Not exactly Yu-Gi-Oh
Okay, this playing card thing is getting completely out of hand.

The first set, the Iraqi deck, that was cute. When the media started referring to the capture or surrender of Saddam-regime notables by their placement in the deck, that got old fast. When the Republicans in the Texas legislature had a deck made featuring their "missing" Democratic counterparts hiding out in Oklahoma, it was funny.

(Texas legislators hiding out in Oklahoma? They're doing it to prevent a quorum: Without one, the legislature can't vote on the pending Republican redraw of the district maps. Or, for that matter, anything else--like a budget. Admittedly, it can't beat the "Georgia's Three Governors" story, but it's right up there. It's illegal, of course, and the State Speaker of the House could normally send State Troopers to bring them back...but crossing the state line?)

Now that NewsMax is markeding a "Deck of Weasels" featuring the 54 biggest anti-war whoppers, though, it's just getting embarrassing. (The fact that the original Iraq deck sells for $5 and the NewsMax deck is $15... well, they're not representing it as anything other than a subscription promotion.) The photoshopped berets are a noxious touch that the "America's Most Unwanted" deck did without...

And then there's the Republican ChickenHawk deck, featuring people with "a curious lack of wartime service when others their age had no trouble finding the fight." Looking at this ad alongside the ad for the NewsMax deck, I must say the pages look appallingly similar...much more so than their content would suggest. You'd almost think they're designed and published by the same people...

UPDATE: "Operation Iraqi Freedom Military Heroes Playing Cards"? Greenpeace cards? Artifacts looted from the Iraqi Museum? The Trade Regulation Organization ("The TRO, estimating that the U.S. governing regime is no longer consistent with world peace or prosperity, hopes that the playing cards will show the way to regime change and, eventually, large-scale war crimes proceedings")? ENOUGH!

(The Internet Weekly Report is publishing extraordinarily hateful images of "parody" cards, but doesn't seem to be marketing a physical deck.)

Must...not...comment...
Samizdata.net - A tale of five flags
Samizdata has the bandwidth to give you images of the relevant flags to compare. Me, I've been told I'm too serious and not serious enough to have an opinion.

If one were of a mind to evaluate this issue, though, one should, fairly, consider the appearance of the pre-1956 Georgia flag:



...and the reason why it was changed to include the Confederate battle flag. This point is addressed in Russ Goble's first response, which you'll find eleven comments below Perry de Havilland's.

(I'm OK with the new flag. But then, I'm also OK with the new $20 bill, so my opinion may not be trustworthy.)

Nude Calendar Watch Watch
My God. I've been written up in the L.A. Times! (Link requires registration, but it's free.)

I'm mentioned in the Sunday calendar, which apparently appears in the print edition too (what do I know, I'm in Atlanta, I don't see the print L.A. Times much).

I hope this doesn't do damage to the ever-fragile AOL servers on which that page resides...

The Friday Five:

Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not?

Not especially.

Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly?

I keep a calendar on the computer, which I often print out and travel with. In fact, it's posted on a private web page so my wife and I can access it from work, as needed.

3. Would you say that your desk is organized right now?

Not especially.

4. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter?

Of course I do. I have far too many of all of the above to find anything if I don't.

5. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to organize?

My time.

Thursday Threesome::Coffee, tea or me?::

Onesome: Coffee-- Do you drink coffee? If so, do you ask for brewed or do you prefer the fancy espresso drinks? What's your flavor?

Nope.

Twosome: Tea-- Do you drink tea? Hot or iced? Regular, herbal or flavored?

Yep. Both. Just plain tea (although typically decaf).

Threesome: Or Me?-- Ok, not really me! Seriously, what's your favorite beverage? Alcoholic or non, healthy or not?

It must be Luzianne decaf iced tea, I drink so much of it. There's a cup on the computer right now, in fact. Although Swiss Miss No-Sugar-Added hot chocolate is surprisingly good.

Who can you trust?

Net Music Countdown
According to the father of the Erwin sisters, Dixie Chicks, Martie (MaGuire) and Emily (Robison), the Chicks didn't exactly pose nude for their now famous Entertainment Weekly cover. Paul Erwin reportedly says the nudity was accomplished by an accomplished air-brush artist, so reports MJI.

This stop-the-presses revelation comes as a surprise to no one who has actually seen the photo.

In other news...

Metroactive News & Issues | Airwaves, Shock Waves
It started with Georgia-based Cumulus Media, America's second-largest broadcasting company, publicly bulldozing Dixie Chicks CDs after lead singer Natalie Maines admitted to a London audience that she was ashamed of the behavior of fellow-Texan President George W. Bush. The New York Times, on March 31, reported that stations owned by Texas-based Clear Channel, the nation's largest broadcasting company, had stopped playing the Dixie Chicks because of the remark. In a decision cited in international media reports, MTV-Europe nixed all B-52's videos to avoid invoking thoughts of war and planes. Madonna also purportedly joined the fray by banning her own Bush-and-fatigues video on April 4, just days before its scheduled release.
"It's kind of a sad statement about the psyche of the nation," says Gary Schoenwetter, operations manager for San Jose rock stations KSJO and KUFX, adding that some touring musicians have asked not to be interviewed about the war, because they're against it and fear reprisals.
Despite Schoenwetter's sympathy for the Dixie Chicks, whose wartime artistic crime was speaking out at a concert, he happens to work for Clear Channel, which owns KSJO and KUFX. Schoenwetter, who is in charge of programming, says that there was no mandate sent down from Clear Channel headquarters regarding the issue, but he combed through station playlists anyway after the war broke out, looking for anything that he thought would be "in poor taste."

What? "No mandate sent down from Clear Channel"? But that would mean... the New York Times is wrong!

Well, at least there are those two Colorado Springs DJs who are on suspension for playing the Dixie Chicks. My faith in conspiracy theories is restored.

Or... Heavens, I'm so shaken by the suggestion of inaccuracy in the NYT (not to mention the thought that the Dixie Chicks photo may have been doctored) that I'm having... thoughts. Two DJs are due for a vacation anyway. They decide, in conjunction with station management, to play a Chicks song the day before they go. Free publicity from the Associated Press generates a wave of letters demanding the return of both the DJs and the Chicks.

Would any organization be so coldly manipulative?

Does any of this have anything to do with free speech? Natalie Maines, after all, wasn't arrested. And economic consequences of public actions come as a result of thousands of individual free people exercising their rights. And even President Bush told Tom Brokaw that it was no big deal:

MSNBC.COM | Dixie Chicks say reaction to Bush remark is 'overboard'
In an interview with NBC television's Tom Brokaw on Thursday, Bush said the Dixie Chicks were "free to speak their mind."
"They can say what they want to say ... freedom is a two-way street. But I don't really care what the Dixie Chicks said, I want to do what I think is right for the American people and if some singers or Hollywood stars feel like speaking out that's fine," Bush said.

Hm. Seems MSNBC left something out that changes the flavor of the remark.

WXII12.com - Dixie Chicks Won't Walk Off Stage If Fans Boo
We finally have Bush's reaction to Maines remark. In an interview with NBC's Tom Brokaw, Bush said "The Dixie Chicks are free to speak their mind."
But, he added, that the Chicks "shouldn't have their feelings hurt just because some people don't want to buy their records when they speak out. You know, freedom is a two-way street."

Emphasis mine. I wonder why so many reports leave that part out.

Well, I'm glad that's over.

As comedian Argus Hamilton said, "It takes a real leader to restore honor and dignity to the White House and get women to take off their clothes at the same time."

Scented cell phones?

Yahoo! News - Dope-scented mobile phone cover causes buzz
Marijuana-scented cell phone covers have caused such a buzz in Australia that the company selling them had to pull them out of an technology fair in Sydney.
...Made in China and arrayed next to chocolate, strawberry, blueberry, cherry and rose-scented snap-on covers, the marijuana version sold well, though only to the over 18s...

...who promptly forgot where they'd hidden it.

You must be kidding

Sit and surf: MSN UK tests portable potty | CNET News.com
MSN UK is creating what Microsoft calls the world's first Internet outhouse, or iLoo, complete with flat-screen plasma display, wireless keyboard and broadband access. MSN UK spokesman Matthew Whittingham described the portable toilet as the first "WWW.C," referring to the term W.C., or water closet.

If this is a prank, it's a good one. If it's not, well, aren't the potty lines at outdoor concerts pretty long already?

MSN UK is negotiating with toilet paper manufacturers for special rolls with Web addresses, or URLs, printed on them.

Isn't something missing?

At least it doesn't come in translucent colors... I hope...

UPDATE: It appears that the iLoo is real. I hesitate to use the word "serious". Satire has to strain to stay ahead of technology.

Nude Calendar Watch continues

Borehanwood Times | Pupils get the naked truth from grammar teachers
Sixteen teachers from Sir William Borlase's Grammar School are stripping off for the calendars after Young Enterprise company Zest thought up the idea.
The calendar featuring the nude teachers who will retain their modesty through use of subject related props will be on sale to students, staff, and Old Borlasians.

Grammar school! Oh, never mind, it's British, it doesn't mean what I thought...

What student in his right mind would want nude pictures of his teachers?

UPDATE: And another one!

Fundraising in the nude
One female walker was not the least bit shy. She approached Sillari with the ease of a longtime friend and asked, "What are you doing?"
"I'm biking. What do you think I'm doing?" he replied, pedaling by her in the buff.
The stranger reassessed the situation. "OK. Well, at least you have a nice body," she said, then promptly slapped Sillari's bare backside and walked off, like nothing had happened.
"She just slapped my butt!" said Sillari.

Insert your own "If the sexes had been reversed" comment here. Does it include the word "lawsuit"?

The Daily Zen:

If you could be a super-hero or a fictional character with super powers, who would you be and why?

J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter, can fly and turn invisible. What more could you want? (Not that shape-changing isn't cool too.)

The Daily Zen:

Do you dream vividly, like a movie, and in color ... or are you the type of person who never remembers their dreams?

I rarely remember my dreams. When I do, it's typically because they were nightmares. When I was in the hospital and for a week or two after, some of them were real doozies.
I dream in color, like a movie. I am usually aware that it is a dream--but that doesn't change how it affects me emotionally. Fortunately, I am not among those who attribute any particular meaning to dreams.

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like.

Rupert Holmes, "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)".

2. Name two songs that always make you cry.

Always? None. However: Ray Charles, "Georgia On My Mind"; Rupert Holmes, "The Old School".

3. Name three songs that turn you on.

Robert Palmer, "Addicted to Love"; Gloria Estefan, "Get On Your Feet"; Steely Dan, "FM".

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good.

Nanci Griffith, "Love at the Five and Dime"; Mary Chapin Carpenter, "This Shirt"; Seals and Crofts, "Dust On My Saddle"; Harry Connick Jr, "A Wink and a Smile".

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.

Gonzo, "I'm Going to Go Back There Someday"; Burt Bacharach, "April Fools"; Andrew Gold, "Still You Linger On" (or the Nicolette Larson cover); Karla Bonoff, "Someone to Lay Down Beside Me"; Alison Krauss, "I Will".

Don't get cocky, kid

Creative Loafing | The AJC's Mini-Me
A journalist visiting Atlanta a few weeks ago stopped by The Daily Newspaper of Dramatically Declining Circulation (hereinafter referred to as the AJC). When the scribe offhandedly made a laudatory remark about The Rapidly Growing Alternative Newspaper (aka Creative Loafing or, to save a little ink, CL), an AJC poobah sniffed that the alt-weekly was "free." That disparagement was meant to end discussion -- "free" equals "not worthy."
Later that day, the journalist, BBC's Greg Palast, would quip to an overflow crowd at Emory U that he found it a relief that CL was "free" because the AJC was obviously still "enslaved."

I'm no big fan of CL (I don't fit their demographic any better than I fit the Journal-Constitution's), but I'm tickled that the AJC is worried about them. Unfortunately, they've chosen the "New Coke" tactic: Rather than produce the best "grown-up" newspaper they can, they're trying to produce something that appeals to the CL reader as they perceive him/her to be.

Coke discovered (didn't I say this already?) that people who wanted a drink that tasted like Pepsi already had one. How long will it take the AJC to reach the same conclusion?

Rest easy, forces of law and order

Times-Picayune - Grocery shopper picks the absolute wrong line
Sav-A-Center cashier Gennifer Robinson said it didn't take any real detective work to spot that a check given to her April 23 to pay for groceries was a forgery.
She immediately recognized the distinctive Looney Tunes background from her own checkbook, which had been stolen from her car along with her purse five days earlier.
And there was one more fairly strong hint: "She handed me my own driver's license."

(Saw it at Obscure Store)

The personals

Thursday Threesome: See Spot Run.

Onesome: See-- What do you see when you look out your kitchen window? Just curious...

Uh...the back yard. Sporadically mowed grass and our cars.

Twosome: Spot-- Okay, pet names... Come on; not everyone has a "Sparky" or a"Fluffy". If you have a pet or two, what did you name them? Hmmm... No pets? How about a 'pet name' for someone close to you?

No pets, no pet names.

Threesome: Run-- Hey, what's your favorite 'run over to' place? You know, the "Honey, I'll be back in a bit, I need to run over to..." That place!

Typically it'll be the nearby CVS drugstore, which serves the purpose of a convenience store (it carries some basic groceries).

I can live with it

What Capt. Sonny Perdue has joined, let no one rip asunder�
Here's the Chamber-of-Commerce bumper sticker we predict in the coming campaign: A picture of Franklin's flag, with the slogan, "It's what Robert E. Lee would have wanted."

Oh, yeah, it's a cute line. But it doesn't belong in a straight news story.

The reason I link to it at all is that the article contains the full text of Rep. Bobby Franklin's speech in which he suggested the compromise Georgia flag. It's reminiscent of the pre-1956 flag, but it isn't. (I never understood why that flag, as is, was considered inappropriate.) It isn't the dog's breakfast of a flag shoved through by Gov. Barnes (that, by some accounts, cost him re-election). I would prefer the words "In God We Trust" had been omitted (not on moral grounds--it's in my pocket on our money right now--but because you don't put words on flags), and some reports I've seen indicate that the words were dropped. But it's a simple, elegant flag with (some) historical roots.

That'll do.

Oh, man, I wanted to be Larry

you are bob. the leader. the responsible one. most everyone likes you.

Take the test, by Emily.

Eerie? Vanish?
Yahoo! News - Eerie Silence in Hollywood as Anti-War Stars Vanish? Isn't that overstating the case? Seems like Reuters is trying to make this sound a lot more sinister than it is. Not much point in protesting a war after it's over. Even Mike Farrell (organizer of "Artists United to Win Without War") acknowledges this--in his way.

"What's the point of me saying anything right now, while they're in the end zone doing the dance and spiking the football?" Farrell said. "They are going to do the thing they are going to do, but we'll be heard from when it's appropriate and in the manner that is appropriate."

Ah. Appropriate. Like that. It is, after all, just a game. It's not like anybody actually died or anything.

"We'll never know now what could have been achieved through peaceful means."

"We" did have twelve years of hints, though.

[Janeane] Garofalo, working hard on her upcoming ABC sitcom, did not respond to interview requests for this story. But she told the Washington Post last week that her anti-war stance had been a "positive" experience that had helped her career.
"Before this I was a moderately well-known character actress," she told the paper. "Now, I'm almost famous."

Oh, that's clever. Tasteful, too. One might even say, appropriate.

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. What was the last TV show you watched?

A Braves game.

2. What was the last thing you complained about?

My son was supposed to start supper while I ran an errand. He didn't.

3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say?

Hm. I don't remember. That's distressing.

4. What was the last thing you threw away?

A half-pound of melted butter that had set out at room temperature all weekend.

5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited?

The Thursday Threesome (see below).

The personals

Thursday Threesome: View From Afar.

Onesome: View-- What is your favorite scenic site, either around your place, where you've traveled, or just that one special picture (like that Ansel Adams "Half Dome" shot)?

Gosh. I guess it would be the Atlanta skyline as seen from I-20 west of town, just beyond Six Flags.

Twosome: From-- How far is it from home to work? Are you a long distance commuter or do you just schlep on into the dining room/office?

It's about a thirty to forty minute drive under the best of conditions.

Threesome: Afar-- for the travelers out there, just how far have you gone? I mean, is the trip to Grandma's about it? ...or have you made it farther abroad?

The furthest I've traveled is Newark, New Jersey. I flew.

The fine line between patriotism and pandering
Indulging in the career-jogger of choice for the young and beautiful celebrity, The Dixie Chicks strip for the cover of Entertainment Weekly.

Well, at least they're not pretending Natalie Maines didn't say it. And they're learning the difference between rational, respectful dissent and casual insult. That's something.

But wrapping a stupid, thoughtless comment in "freedom of speech" is also disrespectful, no matter which end of the spectrum it comes from.

Is this Reuters or Jerry Springer?

Yahoo! News - Rapid Divorce for 'Gross Infidelity' The 19-year-old woman married the 25-year-old army sergeant on Dec. 21. On Christmas Day she left him to live with a man she had met five days before getting married.

If I was taking this seriously, I'd still have to laugh at the timing of leaving your husband on Christmas Day.

"That's where the money is"

HoustonChronicle.com - Earth Day becomes victim of corporate takeover
Earth Day, which began 33 years ago today as a nationwide rally to clean up the planet, has become the latest victim of the corporate takeover.
From Houston to Hong Kong, companies are seeking to polish their green image by sponsoring Earth Day events, which grass-roots groups and cities struggle to fund.
This year, garbage haulers, coffee companies and even missile manufacturers are underwriting Earth Day festivities, a public relations strategy that has divided environmentalists and led to protests of Earth Day itself.
...Even Earth Day Network is guilty of dipping into corporate coffers. The organization is working with Office Depot to provide water testing kits to schools. And for three weeks around Earth Day, its logo with the question "Who says you can't change the world?" will be wrapped around every Starbucks coffee cup.
"When it comes down to it, the money has to come from somewhere," said Sara Doss, the administrative director of the Citizens' Environmental Coalition. "They are trying to change the way they do business."

"Welcome to the planet Maturia. We have much to teach you here."

I thought it was about ______ (fill in the blank, make your own joke)

Yahoo! News - 'Talentless' Woman Proves Any Publicity Is Good
"I want a well-paid job. I have no imagination, I am anti-social, uncreative and untalented," read an advertisement posted by Angelika Wedberg, 30, in the regional daily Goteborgs-Posten on Sunday.
Her phone started ringing incessantly and job offers poured in, Wedberg told the Internet edition of the daily Expressen.