The personals
Thursday Threesome:
Onesome: Free. Do you watch the ads for "Buy this and get this trinket free" just so you can get that second gift? ...and then wonder what to do with the first one?
No, I don't. Getting two things I don't need for the price of one is no bargain.

Twosome: Gift How the heck do you figure out how to buy gifts for family members? You know, the ones with no list who say, "Oh, whatever..."
If you don't know what to give, give money. It's always appreciated.

Money is better than gift certificates. Gift certificates force the recipient to shop at a particular store convenient for you, which might not be convenient for them -- and if you're so sure where they want to shop, how can you not know what they would like there? Plus, did you know that some GCs have expiration dates?

On the other hand, if you're giving money, you have to give more money than you would have spent on a gift.

Threesome: Wrapping Are you a wrapping maven? ..or are are you wrappingly challenged? Who does the gift wrapping around your place anyway?
If I do say so myself, I wrap pretty good. But what kind of ingrate feels less grateful for a gift if its wrapped badly?

The Friday Five is still on vacation.

The trouble with making a statement
...is that sometimes you're not saying what you think you're saying.

Take this American Apology Shirt, for example. Perhaps you've seen it: A multi-lingual text-based shirt, bearing the legend "I'm sorry my president's an idiot. I didn't vote for him." The marketer, Joel Aufrecht, claims it's intended for international travel: There's a variant for domestic wear, missing the English version, implying that anyone likely to be offended won't be able to read any other language. (Which is absurd: I don't remember much of my high school Spanish or college French, but I remember enough to parse this.)

But then, I'm not really offended by this. Astonished, yeah. Amused, marginally--though I'll find it terribly amusing if I actually see someone wearing one. Does Mr Aufrecht actually imagine that it will be taken at face value? Is it possible that it would be?

The question this brings to mind is this: At what point does any public figure forfeit the expectation of respectful disagreement? Is it possible for someone on the left to be so screwloose that it's okay to say the equivalent of "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot"?

(Ah, Seattle. Might have known.)

Mostly I find myself jealous that I haven't thought of some pithy marketable political statement I could raise a few dollars with. There was a time, back when flag burning was in the news and Jay Leno was advertising Lay's potato chips, that I toyed with having bumper stickers made with the slogan, "Burn all you want: We'll make more." Today, of course, thanks to CafePress and services like it, it's only a moment's work to actually make it happen--but few people remember the snack commercial that would make the joke clever (if, in fact, it is clever at all).

Ah, well. My version of the Iraqi Deck of Cards is out there somewhere, waiting for me to think of it.

Adventures in Oz

CNN | Democrats pledge support for affirmative action
"When I'm president, we'll do executive orders to overcome any wrong thing the Supreme Court does tomorrow or any other day," said Rep. Dick Gephardt of Missouri.

Oh, good, that's another of those supremely stupid things that every body is already on. Or, at least, the bloggers are. Glenn Reynolds thinks this remark is (or should be) a Trent Lott moment, and wonders why more people don't seem to think so. I am saddened, but not surprised.

Happy Potter's Day
Yes, there is a reference to water-skiing budgies in the first chapter.

My son is reading it now. Me, I'm going to bed.

The Friday Five: This week's questions:

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?

Straight and shortish.

2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?

It used to be extremely blond. Now, that which remains is "dark blond" (light brown) with gray.

3. How do your normally wear your hair?

Oh my head. Combed straight back, loosely parted on the left.

4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?

My bald spot would disappear.

5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?

Not really. Men don't have "disasters", just the occasional bad haircut.

The Thursday Threesome::Harry Potter Mania::

Onesome: Potter- Which Harry Potter character is your favourite? Why do you like him or her?

Poor Ron Weasley. One of a crowd of Weasleys and the hero's best friend. Doomed to be overlooked and ignored no matter what he does. (Interesting contrast with Harry, who spent ten of his first eleven years being hated, four years being Famous, and would now give anything to be overlooked and ignored.)

Twosome: Publication- Is there one publication that you just have to read? A paper you read daily, a magazine you read weekly or monthly? Newsletters? And do you buy it for the articles, or just to look at the pictures? ;) Whatever it is, tell us about it!

Nope. Well, I'm enjoying the current run of The Amazing Spider-Man...

Threesome: Party!- The festivities begin tomorrow night in bookstores across the US and England, (and elsewhere too, probably!) with fun and games for the kid in all of us. Do you plan to be there standing in the queue when the clock strikes midnight to pick up your copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix?

Why, thank you so much for an opportunity to plug the release party at the Perimeter Mall Barnes & Noble, where the Atlanta Radio Theatre Company will present readings from the first four books. Your correspondent will be appearing in several supporting roles, including Arthur Weasley, Nearly Headless Nick, and James Potter. My son will be Colin Creevey, and my daughter (!) is Draco Malfoy. No, really. The magic of radio.
(Well, she has the right coloring. Blonde hair, pale skin, all that. Wearing her school uniform in Slytherin colors, she does look like she could be a Malfoy. We just have to convince her that however snotty she thinks she has to be to play Draco, double it. There's no way to overdo this.)

Continental drift in the blogosphere
Because I posted that snarky little comment about Bill O'Reilly, and because I linked back to the transcript of Mr O's original comment, I showed up on Technorati's inbound link list as a "fresh link" for FoxNews.com, and got a fistful of page views out of it. I hope they weren't disappointed.

Between Technorati, Popdex and Google, the whole Blogopolis dynamic is changing. I'm sure someone with more patience than I can (possibly already has) come up with a way to "game" the system.

Or is it changing? Do these tools just quantify what was already happening? I notice that the activities they reward -- frequent posting, linking to sources -- are pretty basic, and it's no surprise that Instapundit, who was already doing these things and achieving deserved popularity thereby, remains the Blogfather of Blogdom as it currently stands.

Playing saxophone on the street corner
Andrew Sullivan can make six figures from blogging? Maybe I should play up my ongoing disability and my appalling cash flow situation...

Naah. I'm no Andrew Sullivan, in any category. I agree with Photodude on this one. There's a tip jar on the left, for the same reason I buy the occasional lottery ticket. And I figure it has about the same odds for a significant payoff. It's been used exactly once. I'm okay with that. I do this for giggles.

Unrestrained speech
Naah, nothing for me to add to the public humiliation of Bill O'Reilly. Everybody, and I mean every body, is already on it.

Unfortunately, the bean counters at Fox will consider it free publicity for the show, and the irony of the situation is probably lost on Mr O'Reilly. I did find it amusing that the screed opened with an allusion to "sex lies and videotape", which (1) had nothing to do with the rest of the essay (being sparked by a true but arguably incomplete NEWSPAPER report regarding the departure of a RADIO show from the San Francisco airwaves: an error is not a lie, and there's no sign of sex and videotape in the story at all), and (2) is what passes for cutting edge currency in the world of O'Reilly, being fourteen years old. And it ended with an equally amusing assertion that there was no "Most Ridiculous Item" for that date, which is blatantly false, except that the host's own opening statement will never be considered for that honor.

Ah, well. As I said, I have nothing to add.

Say, did you hear there's a new Harry Potter book coming out? Maybe.

The Friday Five: This week's questions:

1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?

Oh, I can't tell you that.

2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?

I try to be. That may be why so few people ask me such questions.

3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?

Nothing. They were never found. :)
No, I have a serious answer, but it may be too serious to follow that joke. In the course of a conversation, a female friend confided in me that she had, not long previously, been raped. She was still bearing bruises and scratches from that attack. She was such a sweet girl that I wanted to apologize to her on behalf of all men, which I quickly realized would have been a stupid thing to say, so I said the only thing I could say... which was, basically, to express shock and sympathy. I still don't know what else I could have said.

4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?

Oh, being a member of Lazarus Long's extended family (see Robert A. Heinlein's Time Enough for Love) sounds pretty good. Wealth beyond imagining, eternal life, and constant sex: Who would turn that down?

5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?

Well, aside from the ability to make money without working? I wish I could draw.

The Thursday Threesome::Quoth the Raven, Nevermore::

Onesome: Quoth- Do you use quotations much? ..at all? What is your favorite quote? ...and why, pray tell?

A

I don't use quotations much. I'd rather not risk using them out of their proper context. I'd rather be sure that I'm using them in a way that accurately reflects their original intent. Favorite quote? I think I answered that a couple of weeks back in the Friday Five.

Twosome: the Raven- The symbol of the raven has a lot of mythology and superstition attached. How are you in this area? Do you avoid ladders with black cats perched on them on Friday the thirteenth? ...or do you just toss a pinch of salt over your shoulder and move along about your business? Hmmm?

Well, that was a bit of a stretch. No, I'm not superstitious. Except for comic effect. Knock wood.

Threesome: Nevermore- ...and the softball of the week: What is it that you've tried that is on the "Nevermore" list? ...and do people even dare to bring it up around you?

Hm. There are plenty of things I don't do, but nothing that stands out in my mind in this context.

WMDs: Do they matter?
In some contexts, no. Instapundit has more. Specifically, scroll down to the letter from Major Diggs Cleveland, who has just taken my breath away.

I say that one only needs to look into a mass grave, filled with the bones of children scattered among dolls and toys, to know that this war was necessary.

If you are not prepared to accept that, then don't bother reading the rest of the post. Nothing the Major, the Professor, or I can say is likely to persuade you.

The Friday Five: My, what...profound questions this week.

1. How many times have you truly been in love?

Truly? Once. (There was another close call, though. *Sigh*)

2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?

I don't have the bandwidth to tell you. But read the stuff she wrote while I was in the hospital and you'll get a clue.

3. What qualities should a significant other have?

Above all, tolerance. With me, she'll need it.

4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?

I think so. My first relationship ended very badly.

5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?

It's worth it.

LATER: I just read some of the other answers, and I see someone else gave the same answer to question five. In fact, they said it first. I never claimed it was an original insight, just that it is the truth.

I stared at it for a while before I hit the "post" link, thinking that it needed more elaboration, perhaps some qualification. I need to justify my reputation as a writer and generally deep thinker. But no. It's one of the few Absolute Truths in Life, and anything I could add weakens it.

I repeat: It's worth it.

The Thursday Threesome::Rice Krispies Treats::

Onesome: Rice- Okay, what's the preference at your place at dinner time, rice or potatoes? ...or something else? Hmmm?

Generally the family prefers potatoes, although I prefer rice.

Twosome: Krispies- ...and how about breakfast? If you're a cereal person, what is your favorite? ...or is there something else you'd prefer to start your day with?

Cheeri-Os. Preferably with a side of two microwave sausage links and a small bowl of chunked cantaloupe.

Threesome: Treats- Has anyone not seen "Finding Nemo"? What treat did you have to buy (or slip in) for it to be a "Theatre Experience"?

I haven't seen "Finding Nemo". And movies need popcorn.

The Friday Five: My, what...sweeping questions this week.

1. What do you most want to be remembered for?

Pleasant companionship.

2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life?

"'In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant." (What it's from.)

3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year?

Living through it.

4. What about the past ten years?

Uh. Acting on stage with Harlan Ellison, Anthony Daniels and Jonathan Harris.

5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say?

"Life isn't fair." I'm a parent, I get this question almost daily. I never know what answer to which question will be The One My Kids Remember.

The Thursday Threesome::Pop Quiz!::

Onesome: Ain't- There's a lot of slang floating around out there. Some of it has even found its way into the dictionary. Is there any one word that you find more annoying than others? That you just wish would fall off the face of the planet, never to be heard again?

"Tight" as an expression of approval.

Twosome: It- It's/Its, they're/their/there. Just a few of the most commonly misspelled words in the English language. So the question is, when you blog, do you worry about grammar, punctuation and spelling? If you notice a typo do you go back and edit? Or do you shrug it off because everyone makes typos?

If it's worth writing about, it's worth spelling it correctly. I fix it. Everyone should. Editing is easy. (It's harder to catch 'em than it used to be...)

Threesome: Purty?- Purty/pretty, crick/creek, warsh/wash. All common pronunciations, whether they sound pretty or not. And one is mispronounced. What's one commonly mispronounced word that just drives you nuts?

Here in Georgia, you develop a high tolerance for such things. The crick, after all, don't care: It's still purty. (There's something about saying you're "on line", though, when the correct usage is so clearly "in line".)
That said, I don't care for deliberate mispronunciations for the sake of humor. I am amused to observe that when someone, let's say the President, says "nucular", it effectively ends any discussion of the actual subject while everyone rolls their eyes at his pronunciation. One might almost think he does it on purpose.

He's here, he's there, he's everywhere

Expatica.com | Twin teens terrorise town
"One twin would confront a child and force the kid to run down a street where, on rounding a corner, it would come face-to-face with the other twin and freak out."
By telling their victims "you can run but you can't hide", the boys established a lucrative criminal operation "based on fear and intimidation", the officer said.
As their notoriety spread, children would "voluntarily" hand over protection money, police said. In at least one instance, the twins forced a boy to use a tree branch to whip a girl who had crossed them.
The reign of terror ended last July when one child broke down and told his parents how multiple bruises had been inflicted by a mystery youth who could be in two places at once. The parents notified neighbours whose children had also been roughed up.

This is the kind of thing that all of us who've ever wished we were twins fantasized about doing. Every twin I've ever met, on the other hand, talked about their desire to be thought of as an individual person and not half of a set.
But then, that's what you'd expect them to say, isn't it...?

The Friday Five:

1. What brand of toothpaste do you use?

Crest.

2. What brand of toilet paper do you prefer?

Scott.

3. What brand(s) of shoes do you wear?

Shoes have brands?

4. What brand of soda do you drink?

Sprite. Though I'm developing a taste for Sierra Mist.

5. What brand of gum do you chew?

None. (Doing market research? Slow question week?)

The Thursday Threesome::Rain, rain, go away. Come back another day::

Onesome: Rain, rain- Some people love rainy days every once in a while. Are you one of them? Do they make you want to curl up in bed with a good book or going walking through the mist? Or would you rather it just go away?

C'mon, have you seen the Georgia weather this spring? We're drowning here! Streets are getting washed away!

Twosome: Go away- If you could go away to just one place, where would you go and why?

I am in need of a warm beach. I've been cold since last August and I'm tired of it. I want to be warm. (How do you go away to more than one place? No matter where I go, I'm only in one place.).

Threesome: Come back another day- What's the one place you've been to that you would like to go back to another time?

Beach notwithstanding, I would love to get a group of friends together and take a road trip to New Orleans.

An RSS feed? Why?
I can barely spell RSS! Fortunately, the good people at Blogmatrix have made it pretty easy. If you're in the mood, here's the code for the DPM RSS feed: Give it a try and let me know how it works.

I'm agreeing with a Democrat.
Sorry, it was in the Agenda.

Creators.com | Susan Estrich: The Clintons are back.
Bill Clinton is a brilliant man. But the more attention he gets, the more the Democrats of the future suffer. He would be the first to say this, if it weren't about him.

There were other, er, interesting quotes I could have pulled (including the reason most papers that normally carry Susan Estrich's column aren't carrying this one), but that one will do.

The Friday Five:

1. What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.?

Tap is just fine.

2. What are your favourite flavor of chips?

I no longer eat chips. However, when I did, I had developed a fondness for barbeque corn chips.

3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most?

That would be "dislike the least": I don't llike to cook. That said, I like the way I fix fettucine.

4. How do you have your eggs?

In the refrigerator.
Oh, that's not what you meant? If I have to cook 'em, they're gonna be scrambled. If someone else will do it, I'll have a ham and cheese omelet.

5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out?

That would be my wife (although she had our daughter make the mashed potatoes). It was fine.

Thursday Threesome::Quick as Can Be!::

Onesome: Quick as-- Quickly now, June is almost here: are you attending any graduation ceremonies in the next few weeks? Hmmm... Maybe that should be "Have you been invited to any?"

Nope. (This is my son's last year in elementary school, but they are correctly calling it a Promotion Exercise.)

Twosome: Can-- Still moving right along: Can it really be the Merry Month of May? How many birthdays do you have to remember this month? Family? Friends? Associates?

My son's birthday is the 29th: He'll be twelve. Ulrika's is... why, it's today!

Threesome: Be(e)-- Be ready, the bug population is starting to be a bother (at least from blog reports). Is there any particular crawly or flying beastie that just makes you jump out of your skin?

Not really. I hate mosquitoes worst of all, the little bloodthirsty vermin.

Just grab a picture, any picture
One of the three feature stories on today's AOL startup screen is tonight's lunar eclipse.

The photo illustrating this story is of a solar eclipse.


UPDATE: Aw, they fixed it...

SECOND UPDATE: Atlanta sky overcast: No moon visible.

If I'd looked up at midnight and seen a solar eclipse, I guess I would have just gone back inside and hugged my wife in the few moments remaining before the planet is reduced to a cinder.

Either that or reset my clock.

Conspicuous silence?
Possibly. But the Jayson Blair story has been telling itself so well that I haven't felt a need to contribute. Mickey Kaus is all over it. (Just so you know I noticed it.)

So, is it or ain't it?
I'm so confused. Somebody please read this confusing article in the Seattle Times and tell me what it means. Did Microsoft say the iLoo was a hoax when it really wasn't? Or did they pretend it wasn't a hoax when it really was? Or did it simply not matter because it was "only" the London office?

Not exactly Yu-Gi-Oh
Okay, this playing card thing is getting completely out of hand.

The first set, the Iraqi deck, that was cute. When the media started referring to the capture or surrender of Saddam-regime notables by their placement in the deck, that got old fast. When the Republicans in the Texas legislature had a deck made featuring their "missing" Democratic counterparts hiding out in Oklahoma, it was funny.

(Texas legislators hiding out in Oklahoma? They're doing it to prevent a quorum: Without one, the legislature can't vote on the pending Republican redraw of the district maps. Or, for that matter, anything else--like a budget. Admittedly, it can't beat the "Georgia's Three Governors" story, but it's right up there. It's illegal, of course, and the State Speaker of the House could normally send State Troopers to bring them back...but crossing the state line?)

Now that NewsMax is markeding a "Deck of Weasels" featuring the 54 biggest anti-war whoppers, though, it's just getting embarrassing. (The fact that the original Iraq deck sells for $5 and the NewsMax deck is $15... well, they're not representing it as anything other than a subscription promotion.) The photoshopped berets are a noxious touch that the "America's Most Unwanted" deck did without...

And then there's the Republican ChickenHawk deck, featuring people with "a curious lack of wartime service when others their age had no trouble finding the fight." Looking at this ad alongside the ad for the NewsMax deck, I must say the pages look appallingly similar...much more so than their content would suggest. You'd almost think they're designed and published by the same people...

UPDATE: "Operation Iraqi Freedom Military Heroes Playing Cards"? Greenpeace cards? Artifacts looted from the Iraqi Museum? The Trade Regulation Organization ("The TRO, estimating that the U.S. governing regime is no longer consistent with world peace or prosperity, hopes that the playing cards will show the way to regime change and, eventually, large-scale war crimes proceedings")? ENOUGH!

(The Internet Weekly Report is publishing extraordinarily hateful images of "parody" cards, but doesn't seem to be marketing a physical deck.)

Must...not...comment...
Samizdata.net - A tale of five flags
Samizdata has the bandwidth to give you images of the relevant flags to compare. Me, I've been told I'm too serious and not serious enough to have an opinion.

If one were of a mind to evaluate this issue, though, one should, fairly, consider the appearance of the pre-1956 Georgia flag:



...and the reason why it was changed to include the Confederate battle flag. This point is addressed in Russ Goble's first response, which you'll find eleven comments below Perry de Havilland's.

(I'm OK with the new flag. But then, I'm also OK with the new $20 bill, so my opinion may not be trustworthy.)

Nude Calendar Watch Watch
My God. I've been written up in the L.A. Times! (Link requires registration, but it's free.)

I'm mentioned in the Sunday calendar, which apparently appears in the print edition too (what do I know, I'm in Atlanta, I don't see the print L.A. Times much).

I hope this doesn't do damage to the ever-fragile AOL servers on which that page resides...

The Friday Five:

Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not?

Not especially.

Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly?

I keep a calendar on the computer, which I often print out and travel with. In fact, it's posted on a private web page so my wife and I can access it from work, as needed.

3. Would you say that your desk is organized right now?

Not especially.

4. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter?

Of course I do. I have far too many of all of the above to find anything if I don't.

5. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to organize?

My time.

Thursday Threesome::Coffee, tea or me?::

Onesome: Coffee-- Do you drink coffee? If so, do you ask for brewed or do you prefer the fancy espresso drinks? What's your flavor?

Nope.

Twosome: Tea-- Do you drink tea? Hot or iced? Regular, herbal or flavored?

Yep. Both. Just plain tea (although typically decaf).

Threesome: Or Me?-- Ok, not really me! Seriously, what's your favorite beverage? Alcoholic or non, healthy or not?

It must be Luzianne decaf iced tea, I drink so much of it. There's a cup on the computer right now, in fact. Although Swiss Miss No-Sugar-Added hot chocolate is surprisingly good.

Who can you trust?

Net Music Countdown
According to the father of the Erwin sisters, Dixie Chicks, Martie (MaGuire) and Emily (Robison), the Chicks didn't exactly pose nude for their now famous Entertainment Weekly cover. Paul Erwin reportedly says the nudity was accomplished by an accomplished air-brush artist, so reports MJI.

This stop-the-presses revelation comes as a surprise to no one who has actually seen the photo.

In other news...

Metroactive News & Issues | Airwaves, Shock Waves
It started with Georgia-based Cumulus Media, America's second-largest broadcasting company, publicly bulldozing Dixie Chicks CDs after lead singer Natalie Maines admitted to a London audience that she was ashamed of the behavior of fellow-Texan President George W. Bush. The New York Times, on March 31, reported that stations owned by Texas-based Clear Channel, the nation's largest broadcasting company, had stopped playing the Dixie Chicks because of the remark. In a decision cited in international media reports, MTV-Europe nixed all B-52's videos to avoid invoking thoughts of war and planes. Madonna also purportedly joined the fray by banning her own Bush-and-fatigues video on April 4, just days before its scheduled release.
"It's kind of a sad statement about the psyche of the nation," says Gary Schoenwetter, operations manager for San Jose rock stations KSJO and KUFX, adding that some touring musicians have asked not to be interviewed about the war, because they're against it and fear reprisals.
Despite Schoenwetter's sympathy for the Dixie Chicks, whose wartime artistic crime was speaking out at a concert, he happens to work for Clear Channel, which owns KSJO and KUFX. Schoenwetter, who is in charge of programming, says that there was no mandate sent down from Clear Channel headquarters regarding the issue, but he combed through station playlists anyway after the war broke out, looking for anything that he thought would be "in poor taste."

What? "No mandate sent down from Clear Channel"? But that would mean... the New York Times is wrong!

Well, at least there are those two Colorado Springs DJs who are on suspension for playing the Dixie Chicks. My faith in conspiracy theories is restored.

Or... Heavens, I'm so shaken by the suggestion of inaccuracy in the NYT (not to mention the thought that the Dixie Chicks photo may have been doctored) that I'm having... thoughts. Two DJs are due for a vacation anyway. They decide, in conjunction with station management, to play a Chicks song the day before they go. Free publicity from the Associated Press generates a wave of letters demanding the return of both the DJs and the Chicks.

Would any organization be so coldly manipulative?

Does any of this have anything to do with free speech? Natalie Maines, after all, wasn't arrested. And economic consequences of public actions come as a result of thousands of individual free people exercising their rights. And even President Bush told Tom Brokaw that it was no big deal:

MSNBC.COM | Dixie Chicks say reaction to Bush remark is 'overboard'
In an interview with NBC television's Tom Brokaw on Thursday, Bush said the Dixie Chicks were "free to speak their mind."
"They can say what they want to say ... freedom is a two-way street. But I don't really care what the Dixie Chicks said, I want to do what I think is right for the American people and if some singers or Hollywood stars feel like speaking out that's fine," Bush said.

Hm. Seems MSNBC left something out that changes the flavor of the remark.

WXII12.com - Dixie Chicks Won't Walk Off Stage If Fans Boo
We finally have Bush's reaction to Maines remark. In an interview with NBC's Tom Brokaw, Bush said "The Dixie Chicks are free to speak their mind."
But, he added, that the Chicks "shouldn't have their feelings hurt just because some people don't want to buy their records when they speak out. You know, freedom is a two-way street."

Emphasis mine. I wonder why so many reports leave that part out.

Well, I'm glad that's over.

As comedian Argus Hamilton said, "It takes a real leader to restore honor and dignity to the White House and get women to take off their clothes at the same time."

Scented cell phones?

Yahoo! News - Dope-scented mobile phone cover causes buzz
Marijuana-scented cell phone covers have caused such a buzz in Australia that the company selling them had to pull them out of an technology fair in Sydney.
...Made in China and arrayed next to chocolate, strawberry, blueberry, cherry and rose-scented snap-on covers, the marijuana version sold well, though only to the over 18s...

...who promptly forgot where they'd hidden it.

You must be kidding

Sit and surf: MSN UK tests portable potty | CNET News.com
MSN UK is creating what Microsoft calls the world's first Internet outhouse, or iLoo, complete with flat-screen plasma display, wireless keyboard and broadband access. MSN UK spokesman Matthew Whittingham described the portable toilet as the first "WWW.C," referring to the term W.C., or water closet.

If this is a prank, it's a good one. If it's not, well, aren't the potty lines at outdoor concerts pretty long already?

MSN UK is negotiating with toilet paper manufacturers for special rolls with Web addresses, or URLs, printed on them.

Isn't something missing?

At least it doesn't come in translucent colors... I hope...

UPDATE: It appears that the iLoo is real. I hesitate to use the word "serious". Satire has to strain to stay ahead of technology.

Nude Calendar Watch continues

Borehanwood Times | Pupils get the naked truth from grammar teachers
Sixteen teachers from Sir William Borlase's Grammar School are stripping off for the calendars after Young Enterprise company Zest thought up the idea.
The calendar featuring the nude teachers who will retain their modesty through use of subject related props will be on sale to students, staff, and Old Borlasians.

Grammar school! Oh, never mind, it's British, it doesn't mean what I thought...

What student in his right mind would want nude pictures of his teachers?

UPDATE: And another one!

Fundraising in the nude
One female walker was not the least bit shy. She approached Sillari with the ease of a longtime friend and asked, "What are you doing?"
"I'm biking. What do you think I'm doing?" he replied, pedaling by her in the buff.
The stranger reassessed the situation. "OK. Well, at least you have a nice body," she said, then promptly slapped Sillari's bare backside and walked off, like nothing had happened.
"She just slapped my butt!" said Sillari.

Insert your own "If the sexes had been reversed" comment here. Does it include the word "lawsuit"?

The Daily Zen:

If you could be a super-hero or a fictional character with super powers, who would you be and why?

J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter, can fly and turn invisible. What more could you want? (Not that shape-changing isn't cool too.)

The Daily Zen:

Do you dream vividly, like a movie, and in color ... or are you the type of person who never remembers their dreams?

I rarely remember my dreams. When I do, it's typically because they were nightmares. When I was in the hospital and for a week or two after, some of them were real doozies.
I dream in color, like a movie. I am usually aware that it is a dream--but that doesn't change how it affects me emotionally. Fortunately, I am not among those who attribute any particular meaning to dreams.

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like.

Rupert Holmes, "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)".

2. Name two songs that always make you cry.

Always? None. However: Ray Charles, "Georgia On My Mind"; Rupert Holmes, "The Old School".

3. Name three songs that turn you on.

Robert Palmer, "Addicted to Love"; Gloria Estefan, "Get On Your Feet"; Steely Dan, "FM".

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good.

Nanci Griffith, "Love at the Five and Dime"; Mary Chapin Carpenter, "This Shirt"; Seals and Crofts, "Dust On My Saddle"; Harry Connick Jr, "A Wink and a Smile".

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.

Gonzo, "I'm Going to Go Back There Someday"; Burt Bacharach, "April Fools"; Andrew Gold, "Still You Linger On" (or the Nicolette Larson cover); Karla Bonoff, "Someone to Lay Down Beside Me"; Alison Krauss, "I Will".

Don't get cocky, kid

Creative Loafing | The AJC's Mini-Me
A journalist visiting Atlanta a few weeks ago stopped by The Daily Newspaper of Dramatically Declining Circulation (hereinafter referred to as the AJC). When the scribe offhandedly made a laudatory remark about The Rapidly Growing Alternative Newspaper (aka Creative Loafing or, to save a little ink, CL), an AJC poobah sniffed that the alt-weekly was "free." That disparagement was meant to end discussion -- "free" equals "not worthy."
Later that day, the journalist, BBC's Greg Palast, would quip to an overflow crowd at Emory U that he found it a relief that CL was "free" because the AJC was obviously still "enslaved."

I'm no big fan of CL (I don't fit their demographic any better than I fit the Journal-Constitution's), but I'm tickled that the AJC is worried about them. Unfortunately, they've chosen the "New Coke" tactic: Rather than produce the best "grown-up" newspaper they can, they're trying to produce something that appeals to the CL reader as they perceive him/her to be.

Coke discovered (didn't I say this already?) that people who wanted a drink that tasted like Pepsi already had one. How long will it take the AJC to reach the same conclusion?

Rest easy, forces of law and order

Times-Picayune - Grocery shopper picks the absolute wrong line
Sav-A-Center cashier Gennifer Robinson said it didn't take any real detective work to spot that a check given to her April 23 to pay for groceries was a forgery.
She immediately recognized the distinctive Looney Tunes background from her own checkbook, which had been stolen from her car along with her purse five days earlier.
And there was one more fairly strong hint: "She handed me my own driver's license."

(Saw it at Obscure Store)

The personals

Thursday Threesome: See Spot Run.

Onesome: See-- What do you see when you look out your kitchen window? Just curious...

Uh...the back yard. Sporadically mowed grass and our cars.

Twosome: Spot-- Okay, pet names... Come on; not everyone has a "Sparky" or a"Fluffy". If you have a pet or two, what did you name them? Hmmm... No pets? How about a 'pet name' for someone close to you?

No pets, no pet names.

Threesome: Run-- Hey, what's your favorite 'run over to' place? You know, the "Honey, I'll be back in a bit, I need to run over to..." That place!

Typically it'll be the nearby CVS drugstore, which serves the purpose of a convenience store (it carries some basic groceries).

I can live with it

What Capt. Sonny Perdue has joined, let no one rip asunder�
Here's the Chamber-of-Commerce bumper sticker we predict in the coming campaign: A picture of Franklin's flag, with the slogan, "It's what Robert E. Lee would have wanted."

Oh, yeah, it's a cute line. But it doesn't belong in a straight news story.

The reason I link to it at all is that the article contains the full text of Rep. Bobby Franklin's speech in which he suggested the compromise Georgia flag. It's reminiscent of the pre-1956 flag, but it isn't. (I never understood why that flag, as is, was considered inappropriate.) It isn't the dog's breakfast of a flag shoved through by Gov. Barnes (that, by some accounts, cost him re-election). I would prefer the words "In God We Trust" had been omitted (not on moral grounds--it's in my pocket on our money right now--but because you don't put words on flags), and some reports I've seen indicate that the words were dropped. But it's a simple, elegant flag with (some) historical roots.

That'll do.

Oh, man, I wanted to be Larry

you are bob. the leader. the responsible one. most everyone likes you.

Take the test, by Emily.

Eerie? Vanish?
Yahoo! News - Eerie Silence in Hollywood as Anti-War Stars Vanish? Isn't that overstating the case? Seems like Reuters is trying to make this sound a lot more sinister than it is. Not much point in protesting a war after it's over. Even Mike Farrell (organizer of "Artists United to Win Without War") acknowledges this--in his way.

"What's the point of me saying anything right now, while they're in the end zone doing the dance and spiking the football?" Farrell said. "They are going to do the thing they are going to do, but we'll be heard from when it's appropriate and in the manner that is appropriate."

Ah. Appropriate. Like that. It is, after all, just a game. It's not like anybody actually died or anything.

"We'll never know now what could have been achieved through peaceful means."

"We" did have twelve years of hints, though.

[Janeane] Garofalo, working hard on her upcoming ABC sitcom, did not respond to interview requests for this story. But she told the Washington Post last week that her anti-war stance had been a "positive" experience that had helped her career.
"Before this I was a moderately well-known character actress," she told the paper. "Now, I'm almost famous."

Oh, that's clever. Tasteful, too. One might even say, appropriate.

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. What was the last TV show you watched?

A Braves game.

2. What was the last thing you complained about?

My son was supposed to start supper while I ran an errand. He didn't.

3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say?

Hm. I don't remember. That's distressing.

4. What was the last thing you threw away?

A half-pound of melted butter that had set out at room temperature all weekend.

5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited?

The Thursday Threesome (see below).

The personals

Thursday Threesome: View From Afar.

Onesome: View-- What is your favorite scenic site, either around your place, where you've traveled, or just that one special picture (like that Ansel Adams "Half Dome" shot)?

Gosh. I guess it would be the Atlanta skyline as seen from I-20 west of town, just beyond Six Flags.

Twosome: From-- How far is it from home to work? Are you a long distance commuter or do you just schlep on into the dining room/office?

It's about a thirty to forty minute drive under the best of conditions.

Threesome: Afar-- for the travelers out there, just how far have you gone? I mean, is the trip to Grandma's about it? ...or have you made it farther abroad?

The furthest I've traveled is Newark, New Jersey. I flew.

The fine line between patriotism and pandering
Indulging in the career-jogger of choice for the young and beautiful celebrity, The Dixie Chicks strip for the cover of Entertainment Weekly.

Well, at least they're not pretending Natalie Maines didn't say it. And they're learning the difference between rational, respectful dissent and casual insult. That's something.

But wrapping a stupid, thoughtless comment in "freedom of speech" is also disrespectful, no matter which end of the spectrum it comes from.

Is this Reuters or Jerry Springer?

Yahoo! News - Rapid Divorce for 'Gross Infidelity' The 19-year-old woman married the 25-year-old army sergeant on Dec. 21. On Christmas Day she left him to live with a man she had met five days before getting married.

If I was taking this seriously, I'd still have to laugh at the timing of leaving your husband on Christmas Day.

"That's where the money is"

HoustonChronicle.com - Earth Day becomes victim of corporate takeover
Earth Day, which began 33 years ago today as a nationwide rally to clean up the planet, has become the latest victim of the corporate takeover.
From Houston to Hong Kong, companies are seeking to polish their green image by sponsoring Earth Day events, which grass-roots groups and cities struggle to fund.
This year, garbage haulers, coffee companies and even missile manufacturers are underwriting Earth Day festivities, a public relations strategy that has divided environmentalists and led to protests of Earth Day itself.
...Even Earth Day Network is guilty of dipping into corporate coffers. The organization is working with Office Depot to provide water testing kits to schools. And for three weeks around Earth Day, its logo with the question "Who says you can't change the world?" will be wrapped around every Starbucks coffee cup.
"When it comes down to it, the money has to come from somewhere," said Sara Doss, the administrative director of the Citizens' Environmental Coalition. "They are trying to change the way they do business."

"Welcome to the planet Maturia. We have much to teach you here."

I thought it was about ______ (fill in the blank, make your own joke)

Yahoo! News - 'Talentless' Woman Proves Any Publicity Is Good
"I want a well-paid job. I have no imagination, I am anti-social, uncreative and untalented," read an advertisement posted by Angelika Wedberg, 30, in the regional daily Goteborgs-Posten on Sunday.
Her phone started ringing incessantly and job offers poured in, Wedberg told the Internet edition of the daily Expressen.

Free to do what?

Yahoo! News - World Photos - AP
Iraqi Shiite pilgrims slash open their heads with swords as they march and chant in front of Imam Hussein Shrine in Karbala, Iraq Tuesday April 22, 2003. For the first time in decades, Shiite Muslims in Iraq are able to perform this ritual done to mark the killing of one of their most important saints, Imam Hussein. During the rule of Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, such rituals were banned.

A peaceful people celebrating their heritage. *Shudder* As horrifying as this picture is, I'm hard pressed to say what, if anything, "America" should do about it. I wonder what they'd make of the baptism scene in "O Brother, Where Art Thou".

Who's next?

Yahoo! News - Entertainment Photos - AFP
Iranian actress Gowhar Kharandish received a suspended sentence of 74 lashes after kissing a director during an awards ceremony.

Sounds like someone at AFP news has his own ideas of where the U.S. should go now that we've "straightened out" Iraq. Is the news here that the sentence was suspended, or that she was sentenced in the first place?

There is evil in my backyard. It's in a cooler.
What's in the cooler? God knows. But it's been there since last summer! (From Straight Dope Message Board.)

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. Who is your favorite celebrity?

What is a celebrity? I could name plenty of people who are well-known in their chosen fields, but of whom you probably haven't heard. Are they celebrities? Which medium do you have to be famous in? (Oh, all right... Julia Sawalha. Happy?)

2. Who is your least favorite?

Oh, the competition is stiff on that one. There are a lot of people who are famous for no apparent reason, people whose talents elude me. On that basis, the first name that pops into my head is Rosie O'Donnell.

3. Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life?

Several, thanks to my association with the Atlanta Radio Theatre Company. Most recently, John Rhys-Davies. But as I said last week, I don't have any great desire to meet famous people.

4. Would you want to be famous? Why or why not?

That would depend on why I was famous. I mean, Saddam Hussein is famous, but I wouldn't want to be him, particularly not right now. Some modest kind of fame that comes with some money and not too much invasion of privacy would be nice. You know, famous like Garrison Keillor is famous.

5. If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why?

It might be interesting to find out if Hugh Hefner's life is anything like it's rumored to be, but the question doesn't keep me up nights.

The personals

Thursday Threesome: Family Waffle & Grill.

Onesome: Family-- Hmmm... It seems like this weekend is a get together time for some people. How about you? Do you have a family gig to attend this weekend? Hosting one? ...or are you spending the weekend doing weekend things?

For me, it's just another weekend. For my lovely wife, it's a week wherein she occasionally comes home to change clothes between church services. There will be no get-together otherwise.

Twosome: Waffle-- Okay, here's the tough one: Waffles or Pancakes? You should hear the discussions in some households! ...and what about those Belgian things? Inquiring minds want to know!

"Some households" have entirely too much free time. 'Scuse me while I go heat up a microwave pizza.

Threesome: & Grill-- The outdoor cooking season is close at hand! For those who live large outdoors, are we talking grilling or barbecuing? If you enjoy cooking outside, what is your specialty? ...and for the indoor crowd: do you cook anything reminiscent of outdoor cookery?

No, no, and no.

And this is different from normal aerobics how?

Yahoo! News - 'Slavercize'
Students at 'Slavercise', a class combining sadomasochism and exercise, get a physical workout by 'submitting' to the orders and whims of the dominatrix who tells them, 'If you don't keep up, you get punished'.

Tired of the same old thing?
At least you won't look up from Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter and ask yourself, "Is that Meg Ryan, Ashley Judd, or Jennifer Lopez?"

National Museum of Iraq

Tricksy: Ninevaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!
This post, and the unbelievable comments thereafter, rather graphically illustrate a facet of the Rabid Left^TM that I simply have never noticed before: Things are vastly more important than people.
Think about it, the extremes they go to over spotted owls, ancient redwoods, archaeological treasures...the breast-beating, hair-tearing, hand-wringing, all over things that are not people. Why are people unworthy of their tears?

Yes, I mourned when I heard about the looting and burning of the museum. Yes, it is probably fated to be mentioned in the same breath as the destruction of the library at Alexandria.

But people are more important than things. It only (only!) took a house fire to make me see that with crystal clarity. I lost a lot of stuff I'd really like to have saved--but my family is OK. I'll take that trade. Admittedly, I didn't lose any Mesopotamian artifacts -- but I'd like to think my answer would be the same if I had.

And the Iraqis did, lets not forget, destroy the museum themselves. Rumsfeld didn't break down the door. Franks didn't light the match. You can't anticipate everything.

(By the way, "Tricksy" is the new home of Stacy Tabb, previously seen at Blogatelle. Happy moving day!)

Don't you know there's a war on?

Reuters - Media Watchdog Concerned CNN Had Armed Guard
A media watchdog expressed concern on Sunday that a CNN team reporting from Iraq (news - web sites) was traveling with an armed guard, saying it set a "dangerous precedent" that could imperil other journalists.
Reporters Sans Frontieres (RSF) made the comments after an incident in the northern Iraqi town of Tikrit in which a security guard hired by CNN fired his machinegun at a checkpoint when the CNN convoy came under gunfire.
..."CNN appears to be going too far. This could come back to haunt them and other journalists. Journalists should not be traveling around with armed guards," [RSF spokesman Jean-Francois Julliard] added.

I'd hate for the international symbol for "journalist" to become a bullseye. I wonder if RSF considers the embedded reporters traveling with coalition military units to have an "armed guard". If it isn't, nothing is.
News flash for M. Julliard: Reporters are not God. You could get killed out there. CNN, of all agencies, has reason to know that. (See earlier NYT op-ed by Eason Jordan.)

Do they love their children too?

Newsweek - The Secret War
Every Iraqi school searched�more than 100�contained a weapons depot. In one Baghdad school, Marines unearthed scores of black leather vests stuffed with explosives and ball bearings. Empty hangers suggested that some of the lethal vests were on the backs of would-be suicide bombers.

Schools. Every school.

Okay, "every school searched." I'm skeptical enough to notice that. They could have picked their search targets based on the probability of finding weapons. If their resources were limited, I rather hope they did.

But I'm parent enough not to care. One school-as-weapons-depot is one too many.

Conspiracy theories
I'm so glad that IndyMedia is around to tell us that the photos of the falling of that Saddam statue are faked. In light of the misrepresentation of Iraqi life that CNN has confessed to (see below), I can't see them cooperating in a fraud like this. But people think what they want to.

The French launch their first Moon colony...
The next best thing to winning the Caption of the Day contest is when Dodd creates an award for you.

To our embedded war correspondents
The story you were sent to Iraq to cover is not about you. It's about the young men and women whose uniform you wear and on whose protection you depend.

As you're marvelling that it didn't actually kill you to sleep in their bunks and eat their food, kindly keep in mind that it is killing some of them. While you're congratulating each other on having endured the assignment, reflect that you have a satellite link home at your disposal, and they don't. You can quit whenever you want to: They can't. You only get shot at by accident: They get it on purpose.

And you're better paid than they are, too.

CNN knew

The News We Kept to Ourselves
For example, in the mid-1990's one of our Iraqi cameramen was abducted. For weeks he was beaten and subjected to electroshock torture in the basement of a secret police headquarters because he refused to confirm the government's ludicrous suspicion that I was the Central Intelligence Agency's Iraq station chief.

The article, by CNN's Eason Jordan, goes on for six more horrifying paragraphs before expressing relief that such stories can now be told freely.

I guess it's not supposed to occur to me that, had CNN told these stories when they happened, there might have been fewer of them to tell. But at some point they decided that having a bureau in Baghdad was worth keeping quiet about these incidents.

What else is CNN not telling us? What did CNN know, and when did it know it?

(Heard about it from Little Green Footballs and InstaPundit.)

Don't you just hate when that happens?

Yahoo! News - Woman Found Alive as Murder Trial Opens
An Australian teenager who disappeared nearly five years ago turned up alive just as an alleged serial killer was standing trial for her murder.

That's not funny, tee hee

Backfence: Wired! Saddam manages the war
A few days into the war, an Iraqi official gathers all the Saddam impersonators into a room.
"All right, men: I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the boss is still alive, so you all have jobs. The bad news is that he lost a leg."

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. What was the first band you saw in concert?

Hm. I don't think I've ever seen a band in concert. I'm not much of a concert-goer. I think the first artist I saw perform live must have been Oliver. (You know, "Good Morning, Starshine" Oliver? "Glibby glop gloopy, nibby naba nooby, la la la lo lo"? They don't write lyrics like that anymore. It comes up on the oldies stations every now and again.)

2. Who is your favorite artist/band now?

Alison Krauss. But Nanci Griffith is gaining fast.

3. What's your favorite song?

"I'm Going to Go Back There Someday", sung by Gonzo (Dave Goelz) in "The Muppet Movie". Even "a ...thing, whatever Gonzo is" (as Kermit called him) can dream.

4. If you could play any instrument, what would it be?

Piano. Which, as it happens, I can play, sufficient for my own amusement.

5. If you could meet any musical icon (past or present), who would it be and why?

"Icon"? I can't just meet a musician, it has to be an Icon? I'd say it has to be Rupert Holmes, writer of "Escape (the Pina Colada song)", "Remember WENN" and "The Mystery of Edwin Drood". I already know from mutual acquaintances that we have interests in common.
But, actually, I don't have any great desire to meet famous people. I'm a shy person, and I'd be tongue-tied.

The personals

Thursday Threesome: It's Daylight Savings Time Again.

Onesome: Time to. Are you a punctual person, always on time? Or do people have to tell you that everything starts an hour earlier than it really does, just so you'll be on time? Or are you somewhere in between?

Left to my own devices, with nobody to worry about but myself, I am usually on time. Unfortunately, this is rarely true -- and after all this time I still don't have the hang of managing social obligations for a family.

Twosome: Spring. After a long week, what puts a spring in your step? How do you spend your downtime?

Nothing I can tell you about in any detail here.

Threesome: Forward. As we enter Daylight Savings Time and the clocks spring forward, do you like having that "extra" hour of daylight or would you rather just not mess with it? Or do you live in an area that doesn't follow DST?

I'd really rather not mess with it. I've heard no convincing arguments that Daylight Saving Time does anybody any good whatsoever. It's a significant pain in the whatchamacallit twice a year, and an ongoing disruption for days, sometimes weeks thereafter.

I haven't decided if I'm going to answer these ongoing, but just this once, an extra set of questions:

3XThursday 4/03/2k3: The West Wing

1. There is a very real possibility that the White House will decide not to run the Vice President for re-election due to health reasons. Who do you think they should pick for the VP of the GOP ticket in 2004?

Condoleeza Rice, just to watch the Democrats go into apoplexy trying to figure how to run against her. However, realistically, I understand they have to pick someone who has a realistic chance of winning the Presidency in 2008. Hm. How does Powell-Rice in 2008 sound?

2. The Democrats are gearing up to start their big campaign push. Who do you think is going to get the DNC nomination for President and why?

The Democratic nomination process promises to be a sad, sad affair. I think they're going to do their damndest to nominate "Candidate to be Named Later", since that's the only popular choice they seem to have.
There's no real mystery here. If the junior senator from New York wants the nomination, it's hers. Otherwise, the favorite will be Mr Gore.

3. So do you think there will ever be a female or minority in the Oval Office? Why and who?

I can think of no reason why not. However, none of the current Democratic minority candidates have a shot at it: They are too extreme, too polarizing. If it isn't obvious why Jesse Jackson will never be President, I can't explain it. See question 1.

Bonus Question for Comments: If you could have any job in the White House what would you be good at and why?

Why the hell would I want a job in the White House? I think my only hope would be the I.T. department.

What happened to the links?
I'm sure you're frantic over the abrupt disappearance of those hundred or so oddly sorted links in the left-hand column. They haven't vanished completely, but they have moved to the archive page for my own convenience.

What can I tell you? They were beginning to dominate the page. Much as I love 'em, this blog is about me, gol-darn it, not them. They can get their own blogs. No, wait, they already are. Well, you know what I meant.

There are rich and poor everywhere

Yahoo! News - Plush palace is 'sickening'
Soldiers from the Army's 3rd Infantry Division took over Saddam Hussein (news - web sites)'s original palace Monday and found themselves more angered by its opulence than the pathetic few gunmen guarding the site.

This article does not fill me with national pride. Neither do photos of US troops lounging in Saddam's armchairs. An American reporter could visit the homes of the Bush, Clinton, or Gates families (pick one based on your own politics, my point won't change) and do the same story. "How dare they be rich when so many people live in poverty?"

I like to think there is a difference between Iraq and the United States. (Drinkable running water being perhaps one of the most important and least obvious.) This article doesn't reassure me that that is true. I wonder if it is meant to.

The dreaded spaghetti weevil

Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time
#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees.

I saw that! I think the clip ran on Today one year, although it must have been later than 1957 or I wouldn't remember it. Dave Garroway introduced the clip, and he never acknowledged that it was an April Fools joke, but I was rolling on the floor.

Child fails to shock parents: film at eleven
Yahoo! News - Nonsequitur
It's going to be hard for my teenaged daughter to shake me off this way. "Oh, really? What's the URL? I'll crosslink from mine!"

This is the grill, that is the scanner

ThinkGeek :: George Foreman USB iGrill
The low-fat, high-bandwidth solution to your networked cooking needs is finally here. The George Foreman USB iGrill conveniently connects to your home or office PC using USB 2.0 technology, and provides a sophisticated web-based cooking interface.

BWAH HAH HAH! Help... can't... breathe... HA HA HA!

Life ain't fair
Why is there a page for Squirrel Girl and not one for the sexiest woman in comics, Sue Dibny?

(Okay, she's mentioned in a sites devoted to her husband, Ralph...)

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?

Not counting college dorms, five.

2. Which was your favorite and why?

This one, I guess, the one I'm in now. But I really don't form sentimental attachments to houses.

3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?

There is nothing pleasant about moving.

4. What's more important, location or price?

That depends on how desperate you are--but generally, location is more important. Location is a decision you stare in the face every darned day.

5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)?

Bookshelves, Japanese-style baths, and outdoor privacy (preferably via isolation, but woods will do).

The personals

Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: April Showers. What the heck? Snow again in the East (and other places) over the weekend? How are the heck are we supposed to get out into the garden? What's the forecast for this weekend where you are?

Gosh, I don't know. Where's the Weather Channel? Scattered thunderstorms, highs in the low 70s, lows around 60. Blessed warmth.

Twosome: Bring. Bring in the clowns! Yeah, do you get any help around the garden (house/apartment)? ...or when it comes to flowers, are you the Lone Arranger?

You are proceeding from a false assumption. I don't do flowers. I'm the guy who wants to pave the yard and paint it green rather than mow it.

Threesome: May Flowers. Ah, yes, posies and pretties for everyone to enjoy... How about you? What is your favorite flower? ...and not only to receive: what do you enjoy growing at your place?

Favorite flour? I like White Lily Bread Machine Flour... Oh, that's not what you meant.

Where do they get young men like this?
L.T. Smash has a story that will make you proud.

As to where such men come from... They volunteer. They appear when they're needed. They always have: They always will.

UPDATE: That'll teach me to check Snopes first. It didn't happen. The management regrets the error.

Photoshopped news

Yahoo! News - LA Times sacks photographer for manipulating war photo
The Los Angeles Times, one of the most respected US daily newspapers, said it had sacked a staff photographer working in Iraq (news - web sites) for altering a war photo.
The Times said in an editor's note that it had fired Brian Walski after he admitted electronically manipulating a picture showing a British soldier directing Iraqi civilians to take cover from a firefight.
The altering of images is strictly forbidden under of code of journalistic ethics.
"After publication, it was noticed that several civilians in the background appear twice," the paper said.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure it was done with honest intent. The end image was undoubtedly true in essence.

That doesn't matter. Just as well to put a clown nose on President Bush. (Probably a bad example: Some people think that's appropriate.) A faked picture is a faked picture, and each one casts doubt on all news photographs, and all reporting. If you have no faith in what you see in the newspaper, it becomes no more than a fish wrapper. Why, next thing you know, reporters will be claiming to be someplace they weren't.

Here are the photos in question.

Speaking of photos, here is Instapundit's collection of links to satellite images of Baghdad from Space Imaging Eurasia.

Arnett: "I said over the weekend what we all know about the war."
From the Associated Press (sorry, it came from AOL: Still looking for a source that I can link):

NBC fired journalist Peter Arnett on Monday, saying it was wrong for him to give an interview with state-run Iraqi TV in which he said the American-led coalition's initial plan for the war had failed because of Iraq's resistance. Arnett called the interview a ``misjudgment'' and apologized.
Arnett, on NBC's ``Today'' show on Monday, said he was sorry for his statement but added ``I said over the weekend what we all know about the war.''
``I want to apologize to the American people for clearly making a misjudgment,'' the New Zealand-born Arnett said. He said he would try to leave Baghdad now, joking ``there's a small island in the South Pacific that I've inhabited that I'll try to swim to.''

I see. He wasn't wrong, he just made a "misjudgment" about what to say, to whom. Meaning, "I was on Iraqi television, you weren't supposed to hear that."

No problem, Peter. As long as your reports are branded with your name, so we'll know how much credibility to give them.

I see it also cost him his job with National Geographic.

LATER: Well, there are no shortage of linkable sources.

USA Today - TV networks pull Arnett, Rivera
After signing up with the Mirror, the naturalized U.S. citizen apparently changed his tune. ''I report the truth of what is happening in Baghdad and will not apologize for it,'' Arnett told the newspaper. ''I am still in shock and awe at being fired,'' the New Zealand-born Arnett -- who won a Pulitzer Prize for his Vietnam War coverage for the Associated Press -- wrote under the banner headline ''This war's NOT working.''
Arnett told Iraqi TV that the initial U.S. war plan had failed and that reports from Baghdad about civilian casualties had helped anti-war protesters undermine the Bush administration's strategy.

Well, he's entitled to his opinion. I'm sure he'll be very happy reporting for the Mirror.

If USA Today thinks he's "changed his tune", they weren't listening very closely. He didn't apologize for what he said, he apologized for the furor it inspired. And that's fair enough. I should hope that every reporter in Iraq is able to say things he believes in and stand behind them. Even -- especially! -- if it isn't pleasing to American ears.

It's not like NBC didn't know what they were getting when they hired Peter Arnett.

I might go so far as to say that Arnett has an obligation to let us know where he stands on the issues he covers. Please, Mr Arnett, tell us more. I'd like to know on what information he's based his assessment that the Iraq operation thus far is a "failure".

And if we've reached the point where reporters have to travel in ideologically-complementary pairs, like Hannity and Colmes, well, that's not such a bad thing.

And then they clicked their heels together and cried, "There's no place like Baghdad"

Reuters | Hundreds of Iraqis Killed in Four-Day Kifl Battle The officers said the tank unit fired two 120 mm high velocity depleted uranium rounds straight down the main road, creating a powerful vacuum that literally sucked guerrillas out from their hideaways into the street, where they were shot down by small arms fire or run over by the tanks.

You have to be careful what you tell reporters...

On the other hand, (say it with me now), well, it is Reuters. It's not like they're real reporters.

"We wouldn't have known they were there if Lieutenant Kent, here, hadn't seen them through the walls. He's really Superman, but don't tell anybody."

(Saw the reference at One Hand Clapping. While you're there, scroll down to the war protesters at the Fox News building in Manhattan, and his description of the difference between "soldiers" and "Marines", a distinction our beloved news media cannot seem to get straight.)

Well, it is Reuters

Yahoo! News - Entertainment Photos - Reuters A carnival float shows paper mache figure of German conservative opposition leader Angela Merkel emerging from the buttocks of Uncle Sam during the traditional Rose Monday carnival parade in Duesseldorf, March 3, 2003.

I would be wary of following this link at work, I think. Willard Scott never had to describe anything like this.

Naked Quidditch Update
I know, I already told you about the "ninth and final chapter".

Well, it appears there's a tenth chapter at a different, more attractive page. With pictures.

Oh, calm down, it's not what you're thinking.

Have you seen this?
The Command Post: "This is not a professional news service � we are just a group of bloggers from around the world trying to post the latest professional news that we have seen, heard, or read."

The personals

It's another Thursday Threesome:

Onesome: Lights. Did you watch the lights of Hollywood at the Academy Awards the other night? ...and were you surprised by any of the winners. ...or did you spend the evening doing something else?

I listened to parts of it. Having seen none of the nominated performances, and having noticed that the only actors I recognize are getting Lifetime Achievement awards, I didn't pay much attention.

Twosome: Camera. Do you enjoy photography? ...and do you take pictures for your web site if you have one? Hmmm... Digital or film? Inquiring minds and all that...

I do enjoy photography, but I don't take many pictures. Being dirt cheap, I don't have the bandwidth to spare.

Threesome: Action. For some, March Madness has begun. Have you succumbed to the action of the basketball tournament, or are you immune to the madness and just waiting for regular programming to resume?

Basketball is a mental disorder to which I seem to be immune. The closest I get to March Madness is the unrelated malady, Spring Fever...

I can't say it's entirely unexpected...
...that my Nude Calendar Watch page would attract some attention. What surprises me is that the Fundraising for Small Groups Newsletter, always on the lookout for ideas to pass on, has given it a mention.

Surfing with the editor for Fundraising Websites

Nude calendars, or should I say partially nude calendars, are being used more and more to raise some very significant funds. While this may not be for your group you can visit this web site and keep up with the trend.

Why, thank you, Mr Brengle.

Warning: this web site may offend some readers, proceed with caution!

Oh, you should see the pages I chose not to link to...!

Welcome to planet Earth, revisited
United Press International: Lucky Break for Jordan

A group of American anti-war demonstrators who came to Iraq with Japanese human shield volunteers made it across the border today with 14 hours of uncensored video, all shot without Iraqi government minders present. Kenneth Joseph, a young American pastor with the Assyrian Church of the East, told UPI the trip "had shocked me back to reality." Some of the Iraqis he interviewed on camera "told me they would commit suicide if American bombing didn't start. They were willing to see their homes demolished to gain their freedom from Saddam's bloody tyranny. They convinced me that Saddam was a monster the likes of which the world had not seen since Stalin and Hitler. He and his sons are sick sadists. Their tales of slow torture and killing made me ill, such as people put in a huge shredder for plastic products, feet first so they could hear their screams as bodies got chewed up from foot to head."

And just to make sure they get the point...
Xanga dissidentfrogman's Weblog 3/23/2003: "Coalition of Simpletons"

I just hope you'll remember that while you were systematically denying and dismissing your government's cogent and restrained policy and while you were - most probably - comparing Mr. Bush with Hitler or your country with the worst dictatorships in History and claiming "it's about oil", which eventually led you on this path of enlightenment that ended in Baghdad with a reality check, people were actually being slowly tortured and put in plastic shredders, feet first.

The paradox is: Sometimes war saves lives. I know, it's not obvious, but it's true nonetheless.

I'll suggest that Iraq is fighting out of its weight class. The only reason we haven't glazed Baghdad is that we actually don't want to hurt them. And this does handicap us somewhat: Word is, the only reason Iraqi TV is still on the air is that their broadcast tower is on top of a daycare center and hospital. (Or so I've heard: Still searching for confirmation.) If true, I can't think of any way to read it other than to conclude that Iraqi children's lives mean more to the U.S. Army than they do to the Iraqi government.

Fictitious Oscars
Los Angeles Times: Awful truth? Filmmaker is miffed

Why are some people complaining that "Winged Migration," a critically praised, Academy Award-nominated French documentary, is hard to see?
The answer is wrapped up in the arcane and frequently contentious world of the documentary film category. The academy requires voters to prove they have seen all the nominated films in the category (unlike most other major categories, including best picture).
That means that missing one film disqualifies a voter from casting a ballot for any film in the relevant category. And if you're Michael Moore, that's a problem. Moore's Oscar-nominated film, "Bowling for Columbine," is one of the most popular documentaries ever made. But he's worried that the limited availability of "Winged Migration" actually will skew the odds in favor of the rival French film. He goes so far as to accuse the movie's distributor, Sony Pictures Classics, of deliberately withholding the film from screenings -- which Sony Classics denies.
The theory goes like this: If the pool of eligible voters -- those who have seen all the nominees -- is limited to hard-core documentary and foreign-film fans, their choices will tend to be classical, conservative, possibly esoteric or elitist, and likely not populist.
Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" is none of these things.

Now, I ran that l-o-n-g quote in order to say this: In order to give Moore the benefit of the doubt, I have to think of a way to interpret this that doesn't put these words in his mouth: "If the voters see 'Winged Migration', they'll probably vote for it instead of mine."

Oh, well. There's a case to be made that "Bowling for Columbine" isn't a documentary. Documentaries have to be true. Here's an analysis.

(Read about it at Hooray for Captain Spaulding.)

Well, it is Reuters
Yahoo! News - Iraqis Inflict U.S. Casualties, Take Prisoners

Iraq paraded U.S. prisoners of war on television on Sunday and inflicted the heaviest casualties so far on U.S.-led invaders as resistance stiffened the closer they drew to Baghdad.
After three days of unbroken successes and minimal casualties, U.S. and British forces got a taste of what may await them in Baghdad, where the Iraqi government's best equipped and most loyal forces are concentrated.

"A taste of what may await them"?

You may say I�m a dreamer. But I�m not the only one.
Somehow it sounds different when James Lileks says it.

The personals

The Friday Five:

1. If you had the chance to meet someone you've never met, from the past or present, who would it be?

Robert A. Heinlein. Just to say thanks.

2. If you had to live in a different century, past or future, which would it be?

Future. I want to see those cities on the moon.

3. If you had to move anywhere else on Earth, where would it be?

The wilds of north Georgia, on a large wooded estate from which I cannot see my neighbors. After living in downtown Atlanta for twenty-five years, I feel a need for elbow room.

4. If you had to be a fictional character, who would it be?

Jubal Harshaw, from Stranger in a Strange Land. There's a man who knows how to enjoy life.

5. If you had to live with having someone else's face as your own for the rest of your life, whose would it be?

You really want me to be discontented, don't you? If I can't have my own face, let me look like Sean Connery. He has this extraordinary effect on every woman I know...