Holiday season officially starts

And the stores dust the displays that have been in place since Hallowe'en.

James Lileks | Monday, November 28
They're playing Christmas songs at the coffee shop now; the staff informs me that the selection consists of the same four songs played over and over again, but by different artists. I wouldn't doubt it.

...Now it's the Johnny Mathis version of "Sleigh Ride," which sounds less like a holiday tune than an elocution lesson; the man could certainly enunciate. Pass around the cof-fee and the pump-kin pie! He hits Pump! like someone launching off the lip of a ski jump.

This is nostalgia for some – it's nostalgia for me, for that matter; I remember these versions from my childhood, although I never liked it – but you have to remember that it was nostalgia then, inasmuch as it refers to the "Currier and Ives" versions of the seasons that people already lamented losing. But that's Christmas; a mass consensual illusion that the holiday existed in some perfect state, and that this state can be replicated again if we find the right combination of lights, ornaments, songs, nutmeg candles, Pottery Barn CD compilations, pine-scented infusers, kicky shoes and brie spreaders.

And, of course, that time-tested Christmas tradition, radio theatre.

A new magic trick

Click on this only if you have eight minutes to kill: The video is that long, plus however long it takes to stream it on a dialup. It's in Japanese, but magic tricks work even if you can't understand the patter.

I haven't a clue how he does this.

LATER: It's discussed in this MetaFilter thread. Several theories are put forth, some clever, some absurd. I think everyone agrees, though, that this guy (Cyril by name) is good.

Why bury the good quotes?

His basic interview technique was to pretend he didn't know things....

I really regretted the waste of my time, but even more the waste of TV space. Getting younger people to watch who are interested in the issues is important. What a waste to make them think it's all Silly Putty.

Rep. Barney Frank, D-MA, about being interviewed for Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, quoted in the Boston Globe.

I'm going to hell

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. (Wait for it.)

Oddly, the planet continues to spin

Yahoo News (AP) | Tyra Banks Goes Undercover As Obese Woman
Tyra Banks has gone undercover as a 350-pound woman. Banks wore the fat suit to experience what it's like to be obese.

"It seemed like the last form of open discrimination that's OK, and I decided to put on a 350-pound suit myself and live that life for a day and see what happens," the 31-year-old former supermodel told AP Radio in a recent interview. "And it was one of the most heartbreaking days of my life."

Banks said she was shocked at the reaction.

"I started walking down the street and within 10 seconds, a trio of people looked at me, snickered, looked me right in my eye and started pointing and laughing in my face," the talk-show host said. "And I had no idea it was that blatant."

Perhaps something happens to you the first time you see yourself referred to as a "former supermodel".

Now, as I snark away at this, I admit it would be helpful to know what Tyra Banks actually does weigh. But we can still figure what an "obese" Tyra should weigh. She's 5'10", so calculating from a Body Mass Index* of 30 (the lowest level considered "obese") gives us 208.

So of course she chose a 350-lb fat suit. Anything less wouldn't have been Good Television.

I could speculate on other reasons people might point and laugh. Was appropriate makeup work done for her face and hands as well, or was a skinny little Tyra head sitting on a Michelin Woman body? Did a mischevious wardrobe mistress tuck her skirt into her pantyhose, knowing there's no way she's gonna feel a draft under all that fake flab? Was she followed around by a camera crew wearing "Tyra Banks Show" t-shirts?

Oh, please don't make me watch daytime TV to find out...

* BMI = weight (in pounds) times 705, divided by height squared (in inches)

Blatant Sales Pitch

For this week only (November 2-10), my son's school is selling coupon books to help pay for 8th grade field trips. The book is called "Atlanta: Enjoy the City", and it sells for $12. It includes discounts ranging from Dunkin Donuts to Yamato, Great Clips to Six Flags. (I can't speak for you, but many such coupon books contains negligible discounts to places I never go. These are deals I might actually use.)

If you're interested, let me know, or click on the button below (it's PayPal). Either way, the books will be mailed out after the promotion is over. Thanks.

EDIT: It's over.

Living up to their name

WDUN | Chapter 11 files for Chapter 11
The bookstore company that once used the slogan "prices so low, you'd think we were going bankrupt" has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy and will be closing its Gainesville store, among others.

Chapter 11 Bookstores says on its Web site that the filing is "an effort to better serve its customers and strengthen its overall business operations."

I bet they wish they'd called it "Insanely Profitable Bookstore" now.

Hm?

Error message generator.

Mom was right

Don't look at the sun!

A great wave of human flesh

I just added 39 new calendars to the Nude Calendar Watch page, and updated dozens more. Maybe it's about time I got a domain for it.

LATER: I did. It's at NakedCharity.com.

That was the Jihad that was

BBC | David Frost joins al-Jazeera TV
Veteran UK broadcaster Sir David Frost is to join Arabic-language TV station al-Jazeera, the network has confirmed.

Sir David is to appear on al-Jazeera International, the pan-Arab news network's new English-language channel, due to be launched next spring.

The Qatar-based channel said Sir David, who broadcast his final Breakfast with Frost programme for the BBC in May, would be among the "key on-air talent".

Sir David was quoted as saying he felt "excitement" about his new role.

"Most of the television I have done over the years has been aimed at British and American audiences," he said.

"This time, while our target is still Britain and America, the excitement is that it is also the six billion other inhabitants of the globe."

Every now and then, a news story comes along that makes one say, "Did I hear that correctly?"

Of course, it's a brilliant move by al-Jazeera, and gives its new English-language channel a huge boost in credibility and prestige.

A war just ended

Guardian | Breaking America's grip on the net
Old allies in world politics, representatives from the UK and US sat just feet away from each other, but all looked straight ahead as Hendon [David Herndon, director of business relations for the UK Department for Trade and Industry] explained the EU had decided to end the US government's unilateral control of the internet and put in place a new body that would now run this revolutionary communications medium.

That is to say, we lost.

End of an era

Stately Wayne Manor burned to the ground Wednesday night.

On the other hand, the dolphins will be singing his name long after humans are gone.

Later: False alarm, so to speak. The fire was down the street: Stately Wayne Manor is saved!

"I only came to Dragon*Con as a favor to my boyfriend"

Nashville Scene | Geek Love
Last weekend, I went to Dragon*Con in Atlanta, the largest sci-fi and fantasy convention in the country.

I don’t like sci-fi and I really don’t like fantasy, but I went to the convention because I’m a nice person and my boyfriend is a dork. I’ve known this for a long time—my first suspicion came three years ago, when I discovered that he knew the lyrics to almost every Weird Al song, but not the originals—but I don’t think I fully realized the extent of his affliction until I went to this convention.

I can't remember the short story this reminds me of. It's about a valley girl who finds herself thrown into a sword-and-sorcery world, but never loses the I'd-rather-be-on-Rodeo-Drive attitude. Taken in that light, it's hilarious.

If you take Dragon*Con seriously, I suppose you might be offended by this (plenty of people appear to be), but you'd have to buy the central conceit that this woman attended Dragon*Con "as a favor to my boyfriend", then published this newspaper article savaging his hobbies for the sake of a good laugh.

And now, our feature presentation

The War of the Worlds (1953), in 30 seconds. Re-enacted by bunnies.

"You can't take the sky from me"

After dozens of advance screenings, all of which sold out before I ever heard about them, Serenity is finally in the theaters. This is the movie written and directed by Joss (Buffy, Angel) Whedon, based on his series Firefly.

There were actually 14 episodes filmed, but Fox only ran eleven of them, and those out of order. The two-hour pilot they ran last, for reasons that must have made sense at the time. The whole series can be seen, in order, in the DVD set.

Watching Serenity is like fast-forwarding through the eight episodes that would have completed the first full 22-episode season. That's asking a lot of a hundred and nineteen minutes. Fortunately, it is one hell of a hundred and nineteen minutes. You'll laugh. "At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime." You'll cry. "I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." And, yes, you'll kiss eight-to-ten bucks goodbye, but it'll be worth it.

(See also this comic strip and interview with Joss Whedon by M. E. Russell, and this review from Locus.)

Birth of a Legend

Back when I taught Windows apps for a living, I began each class with some kind of mood-setting icebreaker. For instance, those of you with a tech background may be surprised to learn that it will never occur to the average PC user to clean their mouse. I showed 'em how: I popped the ball out of the mouse and gave it a quick puff to blow the dust out.

From the reaction, you might have thought I'd done it to a real mouse.

I'm thinking, now, that it must have occurred to many of my students that there's a crude yet logical name for this procedure, a name that it would have cost me my job to actually say.

But when it was a MS Office application, I had a ready-made icebreaker built into the software. A feature that the whole suite shares. A feature that everyone has used, since it pops onto the screen unbidden. A feature that users hate with a passion I'd previously seen reserved for the post office, the phone company or used car dealers.

Yes, I'm talking about Clippy, the paperclip, the Office Assistant.

I told his story in a roundabout way, because (as just now) I didn't tell the class the point of what appeared to be a digression. I talked briefly about the forgotten Microsoft product, in which Clippy (and several of the other Office Assistant characters) had made his debut. A product intended, as Clippy is now, to put a friendly, happy face on the user interface, to help users overcome their fear of the PC (yes, average users are afraid of their computers), to reassure them that the computer is there to do what they tell it to do, no less, no more.

The lesson learned from this product is, as frustrated as you may get with your computer and the software it runs, Microsoft is at least trying to help. Only a deeply-felt concern for the lost user could have persuaded them to let this thing out of the gate. Shed a tear for broken dreams.

I give you CNET.com's Worst Computer Product of the Decade: Microsoft Bob.

(See also Wikipedia and ToastyTech.)

Unintended Consequences

Since I'm sure you're all concerned, let me fill you in on how the Governor's decision -- er, request -- to close schools statewide today and tomorrow has affected us.

Well, most immediately, since both of the wage-earners in this house are teachers, it means they're both off work today. This might not be the plus it sounds like, since (1) it's unpaid, and (2) being "officially" a snow day, it'll have to be made up later. In addition, at least as far as my wife is concerned, there are a number of tasks she must have completed by Friday. She was counting on being able to work on them today and tomorrow, and she can't do it from home. (Whether the buildings will be open for teachers to come in is each principal's decision: This one has opted to keep the building closed.)

My daughter is at school anyway (her principal decided to open the building), working on the upcoming Talent Night. My son is content to stay home and watch TV when his mother doesn't have him sorting laundry.

I suppose it could be worse. If my children were younger, and the wage-earners working in some other line of work, we would have to spend a couple of hundred dollars we don't have on daycare. Many thousands of families statewide are doing exactly that. I wonder if the available daycare facilities are sufficient to the task. They didn't get much warning, since Governor Purdue chose to announce this decision after 4:00pm Friday afternoon.

But Georgia's school districts have saved, between them, an estimated half-million dollars in diesel fuel. I'm sure that's more important.

I'll accept that, I think

You are a Social Liberal (63% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (65% permissive) You are best described as a: Libertarian Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

...although, I wonder why the Democratic area is so much larger than the Republican area.

Another one bites the dust

Yahoo News (AP) | Marshall Field's Name Change Upsets Some
CHICAGO - It has always been much more than a department store. It's the magical place where parents brought their children to see the windows at Christmastime, where those children grew and did the same with their kids — stopping, of course, to visit the one true Santa Claus.

It is Marshall Field's. Or simply "Field's" to everybody in Chicago.

...On Tuesday, Federated Department Stores Inc., said it is planning to change to Macy's the name of all 62 Marshall Field's, including the one on State Street that dates back to 1892.

I understand Chicago's disorientation. Having seen two department stores / local institutions become Macy's (Davison's and Rich's), my first reaction is "Why should Chicago get to keep theirs if we couldn't keep ours?"