Piercings + Magnets = ...
No, this story isn't as gruesome as you're thinking. Well, maybe it is, but not for the reason you're thinking.

In a craze that spread through the northern city of Sheffield, children held the magnets onto their faces and genitals by placing another magnet inside their mouths, noses or on the other side of their organs, so as to look as if they had body piercings, the report said.

Industrial magnets?

The magnets attracted each other with such force that they cut off the blood supply to the regions concerned and allowed the flesh to decay.

Yeesh. This has been a great day for imagery.

In one case sections of a nine year-old girl's gut were clamped together by a pair of magnets she had swallowed, causing...

No, really, that's enough.

The report ...was published in the May edition of the Emergency Medical Journal...

No, thank you.

Hoss Borg

If �Bonanza� had put Hoss in Spandex and slapped cybernetic implants on his jowls, �Bonanza� would have been canceled after one season.

*Shudder* Thanks for that mental picture, Lileks.

Surrendered your rights today?
This is cool. This is why. (This is where I heard it.)

I fixed the cow
I finally went back to the source and got another copy of my cow image, recolored it purple (the original is in shades of brown; if you have MS Office you've probably seen it), and resized it correctly, so it now looks sharp, not distorted, mushy and pixellated. I even crawled forward into the nineties and saved it with a transparent background. While I was at it, I created two variant cows with slightly different color schemes, so if I should go back to a dark background for the sidebar (I'm considering it), one or the other will still be visible against it.

Yeah, I know, big whoop. Some people spend less time on a site redesign than I spent on that cow.

I'm just waiting for someone to say, "Don't have a cow, man," so I can reply, "Too late, already got one."

Moo.

Does this mean I come with course credit?

Yes, I do check my page referrals. I find the most fascinating things that way. Jason Hsu has, among his many pages, one called The Truths of Education that mentions me in the context of Shauna Gale. You may remember my response to the Yale graduate who wrote a long letter to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution complaining that her degree wasn't helping her get a job. Jason points you at several other responses, then says:

Most of the people who responded had valid points but should have directed their anger towards the sales propaganda of the Educational Establishment.

I agree wholeheartedly. Ms Gale was badly misled by Yale's recruiters and her faculty advisors, who are in part responsible for her current predicament. Her high school (and earlier) advisors share some of the blame, as well, for not teaching her how to "shop" for a college. She wasn't stupid: It simply never occurred to her that Yale's interests weren't necessarily in her best interests. Schools do not (intentionally) teach students to be skeptical of the educational system itself. Ms Gale could have brought some healthy skepticism to the table herself: That she did not is probably her biggest mistake.

At the time, I said:

It is in Yale's -- any college's -- financial interest to keep you in school and continue paying tuition. Whether you're qualified for a job when you leave doesn't affect them at all. Perhaps you've seen those late-night commercials for training institutes promising you a lucrative future in dental hygiene. Compare and contrast with Yale's recruitment brochures.

Anyway, this The Truths of Education page (I'm flattered to be included) is a collection of articles and reports describing the many ways in which schools fail (some the school's fault, some the kids'), comprising a decent "buyer beware" for the college-bound student. Would that there were many more pages like it.

No Buffy spoilers
So many people I know tape this show and watch it delayed, that even though the season finale has aired, I still dare not discuss it.

But as bad as "Doublemeat Palace" was, that's how good this one is. All is forgiven. I can't remember the last time I cried at the end of a TV show. My eyes got hot when Xander started talking about a broken crayon. That's all you're getting from me.

LATER: Here's another fine spoiler, Stephanie Zacharek's review for Salon. When Buffy's bad, it's very very silly, but when it's good...

Basketball players don't have leather balls
Just when I think that PETA has finally embarrassed itself into irrelevancy (note to PETA: the unexpected public nudity thing works for me, please keep it up), the NCAA treats 'em as if they had sense. They've now agreed to switch to synthetic materials for their tournament basketballs.

Next up: Major League Baseball goes Nerf!

LATER: Actually, I had no idea that any basketballs were still made of leather.

I'm back
Blogspot apparently hiccupped, or something. Thanks for coming back. (If you, too, have a Blogspot site that's gone missing, the answer is to republish. The lovely Sekimori explains.)

Good luck, Cyprus
I'm having trouble thinking of a polite verb for what the EU is doing to Cyprus right now.

Palestinian Exiles to Fly Out Soon
...The 13th Palestinian will remain in Cyprus until an EU nation agrees to accept him, said EU Mideast envoy Miguel Moratinos and Palestinian Ambassador to Cyprus Samir Abu Ghazala. The two spoke in Larnaca, Cyprus, after meeting with the exiles.

Don't hold your breath, Cyprus.

Does it have to be an EU nation? I hear Israel will take him back...

"Now everything is OK and hopefully there will be no problems," [Josep Pique, Spain's foreign minister,] said, adding that the Palestinians' legal status in the EU "is very well defined." He did not elaborate.

Of course it's well defined. They're free citizens. They've gamed international law, with the willing complicity of the EU.

A magic marker?
Yes, it turns out that all you need to defeat Sony's Key2Audio copy protection (as deployed on the new Celine Dion copy-protected CD -- er, I mean, music disc) is a magic marker. Wired reports:

After an initial attempt to play the disc on a PC resulted in failure, the edge of the shiny side of the disc was blackened out with a felt tip marker. The second attempt with the marked-up CD played and copied to the hard drive without a hitch.

At least, on Windows-based PCs. No word on whether this works on a Mac, yet.

Look, I'm no pirate. I produce intellectual content myself, I've been pirated, and I didn't care for it. But all copying is not piracy. I ask myself which world I'd rather live in: A world where multi-national corporations sell products that cannot be used, or a world where children are taught that stealing is wrong. I'll go with option B.

(Heard it from InstaPundit.)

Food coloring
Green ketchup, pink margarine, blue french fries, now this. I'm not sure I'm ready for purple carrots.

Did you know, by the way, that you can get M&Ms custom-packed in any of 21 different colors? (At $3.99 per 8 oz bag, it's not something you'll want to do often, but it's an intriguing option for a special event.) Sorta takes the edge off the "Vote for a new color", doesn't it?

Speaking of television...
I sure wish TV Guide would. Seems like every other issue has a movie-promotional cover and feature story. Spider-Man? Episode II? What are these things doing in TV Guide? They aren't on TV!

This seems like as clear a statement as one could wish for that, with a half-dozen broadcast channels (or more) in the largest markets, dozens of channels on basic cable, and hundreds of channels available on satellite, there's still nothing much on television.

Of course, there is plenty worthwhile on television. With so many channels, one needs a dedicated magazine to sort through it all. When there was just CBS, NBC, and ABC, TV Guide was that magazine. Now, when it's needed more than ever, it wants to be Entertainment Weekly instead.

LATER: Well, assuming television is "needed" at all.

Where's Waldo?
In the industry that is television, the missing person -- we know he's there, somewhere, probably right out in plain sight -- is the viewer. Rick Kishman of the SacBee said it, although the article resides at KnoxNews:

Sunday night is a barrage of counter-scheduling with every network trying to hurt every other network because that's what networks do these days. And back in their offices, the programmers giggle like grade schoolers, the way NBC folks did after scheduling a Playboy Playmates "Fear Factor" during halftime of the Super Bowl. But the people who really get hurt are the viewers (and not just because some were unfortunate enough to actually watch that "Fear Factor").

For myself, it's not a problem. The marketers and schedulers have missed me: Since I only watch that one show each week, I never feel conflicted. But I realize that for millions of Americans who (falsely) believe that their opinions matter to television executives, tonight is going to be painful. Survivor or X-Files? Cosby or the Practice? Any one of them would dominate the evening's ratings, if it weren't being broadcast opposite the other three.

Whose interests are being served by this? Certainly not the viewers'. Sorry, Waldo. Buy another TiVo.

Journalists on Themselves

"So one side might say (adopts gruff, Colonel Blowhard voice), 'drilling here won't hurt the wildlife.' The other side, however, might point out (adopts calm voice of reason), 'we aren't so sure their science is accurate.' My job is to represent these sides fairly and accurately."

I see. But sometimes one side might say (adopts shrill, treehugger voice), "drilling anywhere is futile, there's less than ten years' reserve left anyway," and the other might point out (adopts calm voice of reason), 'we aren't so sure their science is accurate.' Is it your job to represent those sides fairly and accurately?

"Believe it or not," she revealed, sounding for all the world like an anthropologist lecturing on a primitive tribe, "some people actually want arsenic in their drinking water."

"Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it." Fortunately, Tony Woodlief puts her in her place. Put yourself at his place, Sand in the Gears, and read the rest.

'99 Report Warned Of Suicide Hijacking
Really? That's shocking, shocking. We should launch an investigation, immediately.

Say, who was President in 1999?

LATER: InstaPundit pointed out that the earlier version of CBS' page, in their haste to blame Bush for the 9/11 attack, mentioned "a top-secret briefing memo presented to President Bush in 1998". Everybody say it with me now: W was Governor of Texas in 1998. That other guy was President.

A comment to PejmanPundit pointed me at Baxterant, who actually mirrored CBS' original page, if you'd like to see what it looked like.

I'm not sure CBS' revision is an improvement, since it still doesn't suggest that the presidency has changed hands since the memo was filed -- and, thus, if there is blame to be assigned, it is at least shared.

LATER STILL: The good news is, somebody said it. The astonishing news is, someone on the other side of the Atlantic reported it. From Gerald Warner of Scotland on Sunday:

"The president of the United States can�t be expected to be an intelligence analyst and a case officer," said Senator Bob Graham, the Democrat from Florida who chairs the Senate Intelligence Committee. That is code for "Jeez! I saw that report too and nixed it."

All right! Now we're getting somewhere!

This one time, at band camp...
What is it with California educators?

Teacher accused of throwing booze and porn party for students
MODESTO, Calif. (AP) --
A high school band teacher accused of giving students booze and showing them pornographic videos has been suspended from work and is facing misdemeanor charges.
Deidra Brauns, 29, was cited Tuesday with misdemeanor charges of providing alcohol to a minor and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
Police are seeking felony charges against Brauns for taking two boys and a girl to watch X-rated videos in a hotel room. She is also accused of showing porn movies to students at her home and letting them drink beer, said police department spokeswoman Gina McWilliam.

It's okay, though, they were all wearing underwear.

Maybe it's not just educators who are, how shall I say it, obsessed:

Urban Legend Is Disrobed, But Not Before Another Advice Columnist Bites
Relax, parents. Nude slumber parties full of 15-year-old girls are not "all the rage these days," as seen in the Ann Landers column of May 16.
Nor were they when the letter first appeared in print in 1995.
Landers is the latest of several prominent advisers to receive -- and answer -- the letter from a "Baffled Mom in Burlingame," troubled that her daughter wanted to attend one of the parties.
...A nearly identical letter, signed "P.M., Burlingame, Calif.," appeared in the Ebony Advisor column of Ebony magazine in September 1995. (``Oh, I don't think we'd want to make any comment on that," a spokeswoman for Ebony said with a laugh.)

Are you sure that's a hoax letter?

Mom arrested after sexually oriented party
HERNANDO -- A 27-year-old Hernando mother is facing criminal charges after authorities said she hosted a sexually oriented birthday party for her daughter and six other young girls from a local dance school.
Melissa Balkcom was arrested Friday evening on two charges of lewd and lascivious exhibition after she was accused of performing nude jumping jacks in front of the girls and daring a 13-year-old to demonstrate oral sex on a soda bottle, said Citrus County Sheriff's Detective Portia Guinn.
...Guinn said Balkcom admitted to initiating the questionable party game.

I live such a quiet, sheltered life.

(See also Confidence Man)

LATER: Leno, 5-22: "A 27-year-old mother is in trouble in Florida for doing jumping jacks naked during her 13-year-old daughter's birthday party. Not only are the parents upset � but also the people at Chuck E. Cheese's."

Say anything: You might get lucky
I lost my head when I reacted to the antics of Representative McKinney (D-Ga). James Bowman kept his, and wrote this:

Can anyone say anything? Not if there is honor at the stake.
There is, alas, nothing very remarkable about the fact that Representative Cynthia McKinney (D.-Ga.) should have given public voice to her suspicions.... It was rather more remarkable that such paranoid lunacy was reported in the Washington Post.
...Most remarkable of all, however, is the fact there now appears to be so little disposition among our political and journalistic �lites to regard such a charge, acknowledged by Rep. McKinney herself to be merely conjectural, as being in any way extraordinary.

There's more: It's well worth your time. (Saw it at the Right Track.)

Seeking an intellectual level
ABC is firing Bill Maher in order to hire Jimmy Kimmel. You know, that almost doesn't need a punchline. Kimmel is perhaps the only person they could have found who is a worse companion for Ted Koppel than Bill Maher.

Broken clocks and typing monkeys
Cynthia McKinney is still an idiot. Just in case you had any doubts. (South DeKalb County, you have an alternative.)

The only thing more embarrassing than watching the Washington press corps wet themselves over this story is watching McKinney claim vindication. I see two unpalatable possibilities: Either Washington reporters have no idea how government works, or they are pretending not to in order to manipulate public opinion. ("I'm shocked, shocked to discover that the President keeps secrets!")

I don't doubt that there were some documents suggesting Al Queda might hijack a few airplanes. Given how many Government documents there are, it's inevitable that some of them might actually contain some facts. But, without the benefit of hindsight, how do you know which are which? To suggest (as McKinney did) that the President had sure, specific knowledge of 9/11 plans and let it happen anyway is treasonous.

The appointment of Tom Ridge to the Office of Homeland Security was a response to the truth that Washington reporters are only now stumbling upon: The problem isn't that there isn't any information, it's that there's too much. Someone has to coordinate this mass of data, someone has to know what the FBI, CIA, and INS know.

But in a field where inept reporting is the order of the day, the New York Post must claim a special prize. The O'Leary Prize for Yelling Fire in a Crowded Theater, perhaps. From the Washington Post:

Fleischer yesterday called New York Post Editor Col Allen to complain about the tabloid's headline: "9/11 bombshell: BUSH KNEW." Smaller type below says: "Prez was warned of possible hijackings before terror attacks." Fleischer called the headline "irresponsible" and "a poster child for bad journalism."

Allen defended his front page, saying: "I reject the notion that the headline suggests that Bush knew about 9/11. . . . '9/11 bombshell' was there to tell people this was a story about terror."

Mr Allen: What kind of idiot do you take me for? It was there to imply that Bush knew the specifics of the 9/11 attack and let it happen anyway -- yet phrased just vaguely enough that you could wriggle away if it turned out to be untrue, as it appears to be.

The personals

Thursday Threesome:
Onesome. Livin. Livin La Vida Loca. Oh, for goodness sake. What pop song do you love to sing along with but don't want to admit it? What is "pop"? Oh, all right. "It Might Be You", by Stephen Bishop.

Twosome. a Charmed. Charmed, did you say? Come now, are you superstitions? Do you buy into lucky charms and signs and such? No, I'm not and I don't. I do believe that the benefit such things convey can be very real. However, it originates in the additional confidence we feel as we go about our business. There's nothing mystical or supernatural about it, only the fact that we understand our minds so little that we can psych ourselves up -- or out -- if we want to.

Threesome. Life. Let's play the game of Life. Or is it Monopoly? What is your all time favorite board game? Come on, tell us what you like about it... Gosh, it's been years since I've played a board game at all. At the moment it's backgammon. Does that count?

The Friday Five:
1. What shampoo do you use? Suave plain ol' shampoo.

2. Do you use conditioner? What kind? No.

3. When was the last time you got your hair cut? About three months ago. I'm overdue.

4. What styling products do you use? Do you get many men playing this game? None.

5. What's your worst hair-related experience? Looking at old photographs of myself. It's the first thing I notice. My hair has always sucked.