Today's PETA Prank

AP (Las Vegas Sun) | Chicken-Themed Trading Cards Peeve Parents
FORT WAYNE, Ind. (AP) - An animal-rights group ruffled some feathers by handing out chicken-themed trading cards to children after school.

Representatives from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, including a person dressed in an 8-foot-tall chicken costume, passed out "Chicken Chumps" trading cards to Lincoln Elementary School students Thursday. The cards showed unhappy-looking children with names such as "Cruel Kyle," eating chicken.

Carol Mills, who walks her children home from the school every day, questioned the tactics of PETA.

"How mature are these people to come harass elementary school kids because they eat chicken nuggets?" she said. "Are they serious?"

Define "serious".

Ravi Chand, a PETA campaign coordinator, said the oversized chicken accompanying him brought a message of caring and compassion to the children.

Free clue: Small children often find animals of a size an adult would consider "oversized", even fake ones, to be terrifying. Slightly older children find them "lame". In order for them to think "cute and lovable", you generally have to start with a character they already know, like Barney, Mickey Mouse or Scooby-Doo.

But school board Secretary Jon Olinger said an elementary school was the wrong place for PETA to spread its message.

"I think it's pathetic that they're aiming a political message at 8-, 9-, 10-, 11-year-olds," he said.

"Besides," he whispered conspiratorially to the reporter, "That's our job."

"It's a professional terrorist organization as far as I'm concerned."

"Yes," he continued, "I see absolutely no moral difference between coming to school in a bargain-basement Big Bird suit and blowing up 200 Spaniards on their way to work. It's the same thing."

Olinger said he would not mind if PETA targeted high school students...

...unless they did so on religious grounds...

...but that trying to get at parents through young children is wrong.

He then returned his attention to counting the proceeds from the PTA's candy bar fundraiser.