I for one welcome our new robot overlords

Wired News | Giant Robot Imprisons Parked Cars
The robot that parks cars at the Garden Street Garage in Hoboken, New Jersey, trapped hundreds of its wards last week for several days. But it wasn't the technology car owners had to curse, it was the terms of a software license.

The garage is owned by the city; the software, by Robotic Parking of Clearwater, Florida.

In the course of a contract dispute, the city of Hoboken had police escort the Robotic employees from the premises just a few days before the contract between both parties was set to expire. What the city didn't understand or perhaps concern itself with, is that they sent the company packing with its manuals and the intellectual property rights to the software that made the giant robotic parking structure work.

Just in case you thought a software license dispute couldn't do any real harm.

Coming soon

We're a long way from knowing which show will appear when, so I'm guessing on the day and time, but we do know what our shows will be.

Kudzu Covered Houses

Everything is on the web, you know. Here are some houses losing the battle with imported Japanese groundcover, something I could also see by taking a stroll around the neighborhood.

UPDATE: I might have known that page was just a part of a larger site.

If you found a USB drive, would you use it?

Dark Reading | Social Engineering the USB Way
We recently got hired by a credit union to assess the security of its network.

We gathered all the worthless vendor giveaway thumb drives collected over the years and imprinted them with our own special piece of software. I had one of my guys write a Trojan that, when run, would collect passwords, logins and machine-specific information from the user’s computer, and then email the findings back to us.

The next hurdle we had was getting the USB drives in the hands of the credit union’s internal users. I made my way to the credit union at about 6 a.m. to make sure no employees saw us. I then proceeded to scatter the drives in the parking lot, smoking areas, and other areas employees frequented.

Drives seeded: 20.
Drives found by employees: 15.
Drives plugged into company computers: 15. Yes, all of them.
Employees who realized anything was going on: 0.

It's unreported whether anyone tried to find the "lost" drives' owners.

Jor-El, where are you?

Found at Casey Zak's Mighty Blog.

Art is never finished, merely abandoned

Star Wars -- by which I mean the original 1977 theatrically-released science-fiction movie, which did not call itself "Chapter Four: A New Hope" -- may well hold the record for having been released in more different home-video editions and media than any other film. (Does that seem right to you? I mean, it's good, but it's not that good. But I digress.)

When it was finally released on DVD, it was the 1997 Special Edition, with numerous "improvements", the infamous "who shot first, Han or Greedo" decision being one of many unpopular changes. When fans complained that they wanted to see the original theatrical release, the one they'd fallen in love with in 1977, Lucas dropped a bombshell: Ain't. Gonna. Happen. Ever. This (the 1997 edition) is it. This is "Star Wars" now.

At least, it would have been a bombshell if anyone had believed him. I don't know anyone who believes that George Lucas actually destroyed the original negatives to a film that, "flawed" as it was, made him, well, more wealth than I can imagine, and I can imagine quite a bit. (Yeah, I know, it's just so hard to avoid those cliches.)

This September, 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm will release the Original Theatrical versions of the first Star Wars trilogy, each in a two-disc set that also contains the 1997 Special Edition...

With a catch. (Source: The Digital Bits.) Since the original negatives don't exist (ahem), the source material for this release is the 1993 laserdisc release. A thirteen-year-old transfer of a non-anamorphic widescreen print. I am going to attempt to explain why this is the video equivalent of offering a starving dog a rubber bone, in such a manner that I myself can actually understand it.

The 1993 part is easy. Has digital imagery improved since 1993? Pixar was doing Listerine commercials, and Lemmings was the state of the art in video games. You tell me.

To explain the anamorphic question, though... Let me show you a series of simulated screen captures of a scene I know you'll recognize.

First: "Normal" television (which can also be called pan-and-scan, or full-screen 1.33:1 ratio):


Anamorphic widescreen -- not normally seen in this form, but this is what the image recorded on the DVD actually looks like: Your player unsqueezes it as it plays.


Normal television, letterboxed widescreen (2.20:1 image on a 1.33:1 screen). Your DVD player unsqueezes the image to fill your screen left-to-right, then generates a black letterbox to fill the screen top-to-bottom.

(This is also what the raw image looks like on a NON-anamorphic transfer. That is, the black letterboxing on a non-anamorphic movie is part of the image. That will be important later.)


If all you have is a "normal" television, you can pretty much stop reading now: anamorphic vs non-anamorphic doesn't make much difference in what you see. But if you have, or ever anticipate getting, a widescreen television, read on.

Here's a digital 16:9 widescreen TV, viewing an anamorphic transfer. You still get a little letterboxing, since Star Wars was released in widescreen 2.20:1, but the image fills your screen from left to right.


Here's what George Lucas thinks you want: This is how a digital 16:9 widescreen television will render a non-anamorphic transfer. Letterboxing top and bottom is part of the original image: Gray filler left and right is generated by your expensive television because this pre-letterboxed image doesn't fill the screen. (It'll actually be black: I've made it a very dark gray just so you can tell which is which.)


Of course, your expensive digital 16:9 television can zoom in, but at the expense of crispness and resolution.


Let's look at Leia's lovely face, shall we?


Yikes!

All right, I'm being silly now. The point is, you've got a decision to make:

Do you believe George Lucas? If you think this man is actually capable of destroying the original negative of Star Wars, and every existing original print, and the various intermediate stages and archival copies that may exist throughout the world from which usable digital elements could be derived, then this is the best of what survives and you should probably get it before he decides to clean house again.

If you think he has something else up his sleeve for next year's 30th Anniversary of the original release of Star Wars (God, I feel old), then you might want to wait.

If you're like me and filled with revulsion at the idea of giving George Lucas any more of your money, well, there's still Rocky Jones, Space Ranger.

"I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!"

The Independent | Bush 'planted fake news stories on American TV'
Federal authorities are actively investigating dozens of American television stations for broadcasting items produced by the Bush administration and major corporations, and passing them off as normal news. Some of the fake news segments talked up success in the war in Iraq, or promoted the companies' products.

...faux news broadcasts, known as Video News Releases (VNRs)...

This has been common practice for going on at least thirty years, which is about how long ago I found my own informational pamphlet -- oh, all right, "press release" -- for the SCA published verbatim in a local newspaper. (My only regret was that I hadn't put my name on it.)

Frankly, I've been ignoring this story for the last week or two, astounded that any responsible news organization has the nerve to present this "scoop" with a straight face. Press and media relations, corporate and governmental, are based on the reality that if you release a publication-ready story, many publications will use it. That's the point.

77 television stations over ten months? Hell, everyone does it. Every television station, every radio station. Every television and radio network. Every newspaper, every magazine. And every outlet that's been reporting this story with the wide-eyed innocence of Casablanca's Captain Renault. It's a real and expected part of where your news comes from.

Should you know about this? Certainly, yes. Should you be concerned? Occasionally. Should you be surprised? Not if you've actually been paying attention to the news and "news" you consume.

I'm much more concerned that the Centre for Media and Democracy is attempting to play it as a "conspiracy".

Just Because

Why now?

When noted political analyst Natalie Maines recently took back her apology for having insulted the President in London in 2003, I found myself doing my best imitation of Alec Guinness in Star Wars: Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time. A long time.

I was content for that to be so, though not particularly concerned. I'd assumed she'd retired. I wondered what the occasion was for her return to the public eye. Had poverty forced her to return to work? Had she just escaped from a political prison? Was she looking for her shadow? (And would it mean six more weeks of American Idol if she saw it?)

The next day, I had my answer. You may not realize it, as she is not one to brag, but in the lean times between political analyses, Ms Maines is a musician of sorts. She and her friends had an album to promote, and the no-respect-for-the-President demographic was her target audience. As one of her friends said:

I'd rather have a small following of really cool people who get it, who will grow with us as we grow and are fans for life, than people that have us in their five-disc changer with Reba McEntire and Toby Keith. We don't want those kinds of fans. They limit what you can do.

What a nice way of saying We have enough money, thanks. At least the poor girls won't be forced to appear naked anymore.

Which way?

Did you know that, in Atlanta, if you head southbound on Northside Drive, you'll go through West End on your way to East Point?

Northbound, of course, will take you to West Paces Ferry and South Cobb Drive.

North Avenue, on the other hand, is a puzzle: You can't go north on North, only east and west. East Avenue also runs east-west, but it's south of North.

So, you see, we're in deep trouble even without 37 Peachtree streets.

Fame sucks

Yeeeah! | Mandy Moore has Unlimited Orgasms
Mandy Moore was horrified when she saw the cover of the May 2006 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. Next to her face, there’s a headline which says “orgasms unlimited”.

Well, let's see. Looking elsewhere on the cover, I see: "4 things you do that turn him off"; "8 new places to have sex"; "A deadly disease that's striking young women"; and "Touch him there!" Which of those would she have preferred? (Well, yeah, there are a couple of innocuous headlines on the cover, too, but they're badly outnumbered.)

Perhaps she just needs to instruct her agent not to sell her photos to Cosmopolitan. Is he the same guy who sold Jessica Alba's bikini pose to Playboy?

Philips hates us

New Scientist | Invention: The TV-advert enforcer
Philips suggests adding flags to commercial breaks to stop a viewer from changing channels until the adverts are over. The flags could also be recognised by digital video recorders, which would then disable the fast forward control while the ads are playing.

Philips' patent acknowledges that this may be "greatly resented by viewers"...

No. You think?

...who could initially think their equipment has gone wrong. So it suggests the new system could throw up a warning on screen when it is enforcing advert viewing. The patent also suggests that the system could offer viewers the chance to pay a fee interactively to go back to skipping adverts.

Is it at all possible that this is a hoax? Naah, it's all too typical. The usual reaction when the "old media" people are feeling threatened by "new media" technology is to make the "old media" even less attractive by comparison, in a misguided attempt to protect their intellectual property.

Something for everyone

While everyone else is watching Natalie Portman do gangsta rap, you can be ahead of the curve and watch Brokeback Mountain. In 30 seconds. Re-enacted by bunnies.

King Canute 2006

EFF: DeepLinks | RIAA Says Ripping CDs to Your iPod is NOT Fair Use

If I understand what the RIAA is saying, "perfectly lawful" means "lawful until we change our mind." So your ability to continue to make copies of your own CDs on your own iPod is entirely a matter of their sufferance.

That is to say, it's not lawful because the law says it is, it's lawful because the RIAA says it is. In the RIAA's view, they have graciously granted permission for consumers to rip CDs into their iPods, because they're such nice people. Fair Use has nothing to do with it.

On the other hand...

This is Really Not It | The undertaker is measuring the Big Four record labels for a wooden overcoat

The time will come when the artists will find they have an option. They can sell record their music themselves on cheap equipment, or hire independent studios. They can distribute their music directly to their fans over the internet or via contracts with small print shops. Fans get their music without them needing to manufacture more than a few bytes. And in the future, promotion will open up to them too. Advertising companies may decide to cut out the middle man. Online communities like myspace are opening up new possibilities. The all conquering TV may even begin the serve the artist. And then the record labels will rue the day they served their shareholders over their artists and customers.

The day has come. Artists have options now. The RIAA may or may not have figured it out: They're either willfully ignorant or in denial.

Jeez, I turn my back for a day or two...

Ann Coulter:

"I think our motto should be post-9-11, 'raghead talks tough, raghead faces consequences.'"

(Responding to a question from a Catholic University student about her biggest moral or ethical dilemma) "There was one time I had a shot at Clinton. I thought 'Ann, that's not going to help your career.'"

Jill Edwards, University of Washington Student Senate:

(Discussing a resolution calling for a tribute for Col. Gregory “Pappy” Boyington, USMC ) "Jill Edwards questioned whether it was appropriate to honor a person who killed other people. She said she didn’t believe a member of the Marine Corps was an example of the sort of person UW wanted to produce." Update.

Look! Up in the sky!

It's a plane! It's a tank! It's...

It's a mistake, is what it is. Too heavy to fly, too light to withstand fire.

But, it not being too close to April 1, I'm forced to assume it is, or was, real. Damn Interesting has the story.

Did I hear that correctly?

ABC Sportscaster Al Michaels was traded to NBC, in return for... Oswald the Lucky Rabbit?

I tell ya, ya can't make up stuff like this.

By now you've heard this

Filming is about to begin on "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." They've announced casting for Dolores Umbridge, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Bellatrix Lestrange, Nymphadora Tonks (photo), Mrs. Figg and Luna Lovegood.

I think I'll write a children's book

Ted Kennedy pens children's book
The book explains how a bill becomes a law, the roles of Congress and the Senate and other details of the U.S. system of government. It also has biographies of Splash and Kennedy.

50 Cent To Write Children's Books
“The stories will have a positive message, something that kids can learn from.”

Victoria Beckham to write children's book
The sexy 31-year-old star has revealed she is working on a story collection to tie in with a range of clothes she's designing.

J.K. Rowling confirms new children's book
J.K. Rowling has confirmed in an interview that she has written a new, non-Harry Potter based children's book.

Sarah The Duchess of York Ferguson
Budgie the Little Helicopter has a broad grin and freckles, wears the brim of his hat turned up and works very hard.

Spike Lee
Filmmaker Spike Lee and wife Tonya Lewis Lee join the ranks of other celebrity kids' book writers with their sweet, rhythmic read-along about the endless energy of a toddler blasting through a busy day.

Jerry Seinfeld
The trick-or-treating mindset involves two words: "Get candy."

Cussler turns to kids' books
"The kids book took me three months before I could even write the first sentence. I had to get into a whole new style. I just had no idea how difficult it was to write a children's book."

A double hit of Buffy debris

'Buffy' Fight May Have Slain Two Networks on the Edge - Los Angeles Times
When the obituary is written of the WB network, the cause of death should probably read: complications resulting from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Last week, when the money-losing WB and UPN networks announced that they were pulling the plug to form a single new broadcast network, many television veterans traced the roots of the decision back five years, when a fight over the fate of "Buffy" drove what would prove to be a fatal stake through the WB's heart.

Too bad it didn't do "Firefly" any good.

'Buffy' star channeling Elton John in ABC comedy - Yahoo! News
British actor Anthony Stewart Head, formerly of WB series "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," has landed the lead in "Him & Us," ABC's comedy pilot inspired by the life of Elton John.

I'm having trouble picturing this.

Will AT&T become just AT?

LiveScience.com - Era Ends: Western Union Stops Sending Telegrams
After 145 years, Western Union has quietly stopped sending telegrams. On the company's web site, if you click on "Telegrams" in the left-side navigation bar, you're taken to a page that ends a technological era with about as little fanfare as possible: "Effective January 27, 2006, Western Union will discontinue all Telegram and Commercial Messaging services. We regret any inconvenience this may cause you, and we thank you for your loyal patronage. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact a customer service representative."

Heck, a lot of people have no idea why we old farts still speak of "dialing" a telephone. Or why we don't just call it a phone.

I can vouch for this one

BusinessWeek: The Top Ten Hybrid Myths
1. You need to plug in a hybrid car.

Whenever I'm driving John's Insight, and another driver works up the nerve to ask me about it, it's their first question: Where do you plug it in? You don't. It runs on gasoline and charges itself, just like any other car.

Can't stop the signal

Having accomplished the impossible once, those pesky fans are at it again.

Joss Whedon's Firefly Season 2
It's possible that subscribers may choose one of three playback options; monthly DVD deliveries, TV On-Demand using your cable or satellite provider, or computer viewing via Streaming Download.

And if there is a gap on your Christmas tree:

Serenity Ornament
Fans of the cult-hit TV series and the major motion picture, now available on DVD, will love this ornament featuring the rogue ship Serenity.

Redefine "fake photo"

The American Thinker | Photo fakery at the New York Times
It appears that the Times, once-upon-a-time regarded as the last word in reliability when it comes to checking before publishing (which makes them so much better than blogs, of course), has run a fake photo on the home page of its website. The photo has since been removed from the home page, but still can be seen here.

It further appears that "fake photo" now means "undoctored photograph of a staged event", which is not what I think when I hear the phrase. The photo is genuine: What makes it "fake" is that the scene it depicts is incorrectly described.

Where's this Eskimo I'm supposed to wrestle?

CNN.com - Study: Waking up like being drunk - Jan 11, 2006

"For a short period, at least, the effects of sleep inertia may be as bad as or worse than being legally drunk."

Hm. So that's what being drunk is like. It's that terror-striken moment after you realize you haven't been to class in ages and you're going to flunk out for sure, and before you remember that you haven't attended school since the Carter administration. Sounds like fun. Set up another one, bartender!

Daily Planet 12-31

• British academics to tackle fashion's bottom line - Yahoo! News

  It is one of the most fundamental -- and, for men, potentially hazardous -- questions of modern life, for which academics now hope to provide the definitive answer: "Does my bum look big in this?"

• Distorted Tunes Test (Warning: Slow download.)

  Ever wondered if you are tone-deaf? The Distorted Tune Test page can help. You listen to 25 simple tunes and judge whether they are played correctly or not (it takes about five or six minutes).
  

• Kids Caught on Tape: Durant Middle School Vandalized

  Have you ever had the dream where you're at school....naked? Three 10-year-old boys in Bryan County did go to a school naked and it was all caught on tape.

• Official Google Blog: I'm feeling silly

  Naturally, we were all curious to see what 250 pounds of Silly Putty would look like.

• Sunbelt Software Silly Putty Task Force

  What happens when you drop a 50 pound beach ball made of Silly Putty off the roof of a building?

Daily Planet 12-23

• california patriot blog » Berkeley Streakers

  As is tradition during finals week, a bunch of Berkeley students go streaking through the library.

• Cañon City Daily Record Newspaper

  Dad, home from Middle East on leave, killed - by wife and boyfriend. No, that's not the odd part. The odd part is that the newspaper reporter tells us about his, and his daughter's, blogs.
  

• Entertainment Weekly's EW.com | Feature: Joss Whedon lets ''Firefly'' go

  ''In the end, it was what it was: a tough sell,'' says Whedon, adding that it appears the Firefly saga has reached its conclusion.

• How did the tradition of decorating a tree for Christmas get started?

  Legend has it that Martin Luther first introduced the concept in 1510.

Roadblocks

There are 22 levels . (Ask me how I know. Go on. Ask.)

Daily Planet 12-20

• Santarchy! (Santacon)

  Every December, for the last 12 years, Cacophonous Santas have been visiting cities around the world and generating a bit of naughty Christmas fun.

• Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Phantom

  The Ghost Who... Walks?

• TheKansasCityChannel.com - Local News - 3 Quit Gym Over Fetus Christmas Tree

  A Christmas tree that a pregnancy counseling organization provided to a women's fitness center prompted three people to cancel their memberships because the tree is decorated with plastic figures meant to represent fetuses.

Daily Planet 12-19

• The Sun Online | Time's up for bank clocks

  Insiders say the timepieces are being taken down so the public cannot complain about how long they have had to queue.

• Washington Times | Books | Why they think of aliens

  Ms. Clancy, a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Harvard, states quite clearly early on that it is not her aim to prove that these people were abducted -- to the contrary, she does not believe these abductions ever took place -- but that we can learn why these people believe that they have been.

• TBO.com (AP) | Santas Go on Rampage in New Zealand City

  Alex Dyer, a spokesman for the group, said Santarchy was a worldwide movement designed to protest the commercialization of Christmas.

Daily Planet 12-18

• BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Space cadets taken in by TV hoax

  "Aw man," said Paul. "We're not astronauts. We're just asses."

• Forsman & Bodenfors Girlpower demo

  The media world is becoming increasingly fixated on appearances. And the number of tricks used to achieve the increasingly exaggerated ideals is growing.

• RateMyCow.com - the greatest cow rating site in the developed world

  For obvious reasons "naked" photography is allowed, as cows don't often wear clothes. However no cattle-sex pictures are allowed, nor are gratuitous udder shots. This is a family cattle site!

• REAL OR FAKE? / Choosing a Christmas tree can be an ethical quagmire for environmentalists

  "Some people wanted to call it a 'peace tree' or a 'holiday tree,' " said Mark Westlund, a spokesman for the Department of the Environment. "But we figured that only people who would be celebrating Christmas would want one for the most part."

Happy birthday

To my wife.

Daily Planet 12-17

• Company Names

  Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.

• First Coast News | Navy Wife Carries Mannequin in Place of Husband

  It's the newlywed's first separation, and Walker was looking for a way to get through the alone time.

• Regret The Error | Crunks '05: The Year in Media Errors and Corrections

  What jumps out is that this was a year during which we witnessed the astounding consequences of media errors.

• YesButNoButYes | Outrageous Firsts in Television History

  It was Leave it to Beaver that managed to cut a ground-breaking deal with the FCC, showing the first toilet on October 4, 1957.

Daily Planet 12-15

• 'Sex rage' couple facing $3.8 million bill - Jamaica Gleaner News

  The pair had attacked cabin crew who stopped them having sex.

• 2GB Credit Card Shaped Storage - TrustedReviews

  Much praise and adulation must go to Walletex for being the first manufacturer on the market to produce a product that truly lives up to this name.

• Blog bullies busted

  "It's none of their business. Why are they monitoring online student journals in the first place?"

• Coke to launch coffee-infused Coke Blak - Yahoo! News

  A Coke spokesperson said Coca-Cola Blak will be a mid-calorie drink, similar to Coca-Cola C2.

• Ersatz Santa charged after dropping pants - Union Leader

  Mullen told police that he was just joking around, saying something to the effect of he was "just having some fun with the kids."

• Miniature Guide Horses for the Blind - Damn Interesting

  While a miniature guide horse requires roughly the same amount of time to train, it has a typical life expectancy of 30-40 years.

• Nude teacher prank turns into whodunnit - Yahoo! News

  A raunchy picture of a Cypriot teacher in a state of undress was surreptitiously downloaded from her mobile telephone and sent to hundreds of pupils.

• Skateboard move creator sues for $20M - Florida Today

  The creator of an aerial skateboarding move known as ollie is suing several companies, including Disney and Sega, over the use of the word.

• Space Cadets - channel4.com

  Four "thrillseekers" think they're in earth orbit, but it's really "Big Brother in Space".

• TV Writers Must Sell, Sell, Sell - Wired News

  In a recent episode of the NBC series Medium, writers had to work the movie Memoirs of a Geisha into the dialogue three times because of a deal the network made with Sony earlier in the season.

• University Sells 'Big Brains On Campus' Calendars - Click2Houston.com

  There are plenty of calendars that show off certain parts of the human anatomy. But a new pin-up calendar at the University of Illinois celebrates the brain.

Personal Appearances

You're invited to join us at Stone Mountain Park this weekend for ARTC's production of "An Atlanta Christmas", featuring myself as the Host. That's Saturday and Sunday, December 10 and 11, from 2pm to 5pm both days, at Memorial Hall. There is no additional cost past the parking fee Stone Mountain Park charges at the park gate.

My daughter is appearing with the William Baker Festival Singers and the Youth Festival Singers for Christmas Atlanta 2005, this Friday (8pm) and Sunday (3pm and 7pm) at Sandy Springs United Methodist Church. Admission is $20 for adults, $10 for seniors and students.

My daughter can also be heard at the Grady High School Chorus Winter Concert, at 7 pm on Tuesday, December 13 at the Grady H.S. Theater.

And even more ARTC Christmas goodness can be had at Barnes & Noble Perimeter on Saturday, December 17, as we read some of our favorite holiday stories. You'll find us at the back of the store, in the children's storytelling area.

Evil Has Reigned For 100 Years...

Much is being made of a letter by C. S. Lewis in which he offered the opinion that no live-action film of "The Chronicles of Narnia" should ever be attempted. It should be remembered, however, that Lewis died in 1963. He probably expected Aslan to look like Bert Lahr. He had no way to anticipate the state of the digital moviemaker's art as of 2005. But then, who did?

Last night, thanks to the generosity of my friend Jerry Page, my family and I saw an advance screening of "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." I wouldn't presume to say whether Lewis would be satisfied, although I certainly hope so. The capacity crowd who saw this screening at Phipps Plaza certainly were.

Nor can I speak to the movie's fidelity to its source: I've read the book, but it's been decades, and I remember only the broad outlines of it. But it certainly felt right.

The transition from the wardrobe interior to the snowy forest and the lonely lamp-post was exactly as I've always envisioned it. The children were a little younger than I'd pictured them, but I can't fault their letter-perfect performances. The White Queen was as icy as a human actress can be. Aslan was... well, Aslan.

"Narnia" seems ready to step into the "epic fantasy series" niche recently vacated by "Lord of the Rings." The producers have optioned all seven books, which should take care of our Christmases through 2011.

A real page-turner

The Shape of Days | Thoughts on the ‘National Strategy’
So I’m reading the “National Strategy for Victory in Iraq.” It’s a real page-turner. Apparently this little boy named Harry is secretly a wizard, and he gets sent to this wizard school where he has wonderful adventures with his new friends, Id and Superego.

...The subtext is pretty clear, and infinitely amusing to your humble narrator: ”We did tell you our strategy three years ago; 48 percent of y’all were just too stupid to wrap your ‘American Idol’-softened noodles around it. So we’re gonna tell you all again, and again, and if necessary again until you get what we’ve been saying all along.“

Holiday season officially starts

And the stores dust the displays that have been in place since Hallowe'en.

James Lileks | Monday, November 28
They're playing Christmas songs at the coffee shop now; the staff informs me that the selection consists of the same four songs played over and over again, but by different artists. I wouldn't doubt it.

...Now it's the Johnny Mathis version of "Sleigh Ride," which sounds less like a holiday tune than an elocution lesson; the man could certainly enunciate. Pass around the cof-fee and the pump-kin pie! He hits Pump! like someone launching off the lip of a ski jump.

This is nostalgia for some – it's nostalgia for me, for that matter; I remember these versions from my childhood, although I never liked it – but you have to remember that it was nostalgia then, inasmuch as it refers to the "Currier and Ives" versions of the seasons that people already lamented losing. But that's Christmas; a mass consensual illusion that the holiday existed in some perfect state, and that this state can be replicated again if we find the right combination of lights, ornaments, songs, nutmeg candles, Pottery Barn CD compilations, pine-scented infusers, kicky shoes and brie spreaders.

And, of course, that time-tested Christmas tradition, radio theatre.

A new magic trick

Click on this only if you have eight minutes to kill: The video is that long, plus however long it takes to stream it on a dialup. It's in Japanese, but magic tricks work even if you can't understand the patter.

I haven't a clue how he does this.

LATER: It's discussed in this MetaFilter thread. Several theories are put forth, some clever, some absurd. I think everyone agrees, though, that this guy (Cyril by name) is good.

Why bury the good quotes?

His basic interview technique was to pretend he didn't know things....

I really regretted the waste of my time, but even more the waste of TV space. Getting younger people to watch who are interested in the issues is important. What a waste to make them think it's all Silly Putty.

Rep. Barney Frank, D-MA, about being interviewed for Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, quoted in the Boston Globe.

I'm going to hell

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. (Wait for it.)

Oddly, the planet continues to spin

Yahoo News (AP) | Tyra Banks Goes Undercover As Obese Woman
Tyra Banks has gone undercover as a 350-pound woman. Banks wore the fat suit to experience what it's like to be obese.

"It seemed like the last form of open discrimination that's OK, and I decided to put on a 350-pound suit myself and live that life for a day and see what happens," the 31-year-old former supermodel told AP Radio in a recent interview. "And it was one of the most heartbreaking days of my life."

Banks said she was shocked at the reaction.

"I started walking down the street and within 10 seconds, a trio of people looked at me, snickered, looked me right in my eye and started pointing and laughing in my face," the talk-show host said. "And I had no idea it was that blatant."

Perhaps something happens to you the first time you see yourself referred to as a "former supermodel".

Now, as I snark away at this, I admit it would be helpful to know what Tyra Banks actually does weigh. But we can still figure what an "obese" Tyra should weigh. She's 5'10", so calculating from a Body Mass Index* of 30 (the lowest level considered "obese") gives us 208.

So of course she chose a 350-lb fat suit. Anything less wouldn't have been Good Television.

I could speculate on other reasons people might point and laugh. Was appropriate makeup work done for her face and hands as well, or was a skinny little Tyra head sitting on a Michelin Woman body? Did a mischevious wardrobe mistress tuck her skirt into her pantyhose, knowing there's no way she's gonna feel a draft under all that fake flab? Was she followed around by a camera crew wearing "Tyra Banks Show" t-shirts?

Oh, please don't make me watch daytime TV to find out...

* BMI = weight (in pounds) times 705, divided by height squared (in inches)

Blatant Sales Pitch

For this week only (November 2-10), my son's school is selling coupon books to help pay for 8th grade field trips. The book is called "Atlanta: Enjoy the City", and it sells for $12. It includes discounts ranging from Dunkin Donuts to Yamato, Great Clips to Six Flags. (I can't speak for you, but many such coupon books contains negligible discounts to places I never go. These are deals I might actually use.)

If you're interested, let me know, or click on the button below (it's PayPal). Either way, the books will be mailed out after the promotion is over. Thanks.

EDIT: It's over.

Living up to their name

WDUN | Chapter 11 files for Chapter 11
The bookstore company that once used the slogan "prices so low, you'd think we were going bankrupt" has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy and will be closing its Gainesville store, among others.

Chapter 11 Bookstores says on its Web site that the filing is "an effort to better serve its customers and strengthen its overall business operations."

I bet they wish they'd called it "Insanely Profitable Bookstore" now.

Hm?

Error message generator.

Mom was right

Don't look at the sun!

A great wave of human flesh

I just added 39 new calendars to the Nude Calendar Watch page, and updated dozens more. Maybe it's about time I got a domain for it.

LATER: I did. It's at NakedCharity.com.

That was the Jihad that was

BBC | David Frost joins al-Jazeera TV
Veteran UK broadcaster Sir David Frost is to join Arabic-language TV station al-Jazeera, the network has confirmed.

Sir David is to appear on al-Jazeera International, the pan-Arab news network's new English-language channel, due to be launched next spring.

The Qatar-based channel said Sir David, who broadcast his final Breakfast with Frost programme for the BBC in May, would be among the "key on-air talent".

Sir David was quoted as saying he felt "excitement" about his new role.

"Most of the television I have done over the years has been aimed at British and American audiences," he said.

"This time, while our target is still Britain and America, the excitement is that it is also the six billion other inhabitants of the globe."

Every now and then, a news story comes along that makes one say, "Did I hear that correctly?"

Of course, it's a brilliant move by al-Jazeera, and gives its new English-language channel a huge boost in credibility and prestige.

A war just ended

Guardian | Breaking America's grip on the net
Old allies in world politics, representatives from the UK and US sat just feet away from each other, but all looked straight ahead as Hendon [David Herndon, director of business relations for the UK Department for Trade and Industry] explained the EU had decided to end the US government's unilateral control of the internet and put in place a new body that would now run this revolutionary communications medium.

That is to say, we lost.

End of an era

Stately Wayne Manor burned to the ground Wednesday night.

On the other hand, the dolphins will be singing his name long after humans are gone.

Later: False alarm, so to speak. The fire was down the street: Stately Wayne Manor is saved!

"I only came to Dragon*Con as a favor to my boyfriend"

Nashville Scene | Geek Love
Last weekend, I went to Dragon*Con in Atlanta, the largest sci-fi and fantasy convention in the country.

I don’t like sci-fi and I really don’t like fantasy, but I went to the convention because I’m a nice person and my boyfriend is a dork. I’ve known this for a long time—my first suspicion came three years ago, when I discovered that he knew the lyrics to almost every Weird Al song, but not the originals—but I don’t think I fully realized the extent of his affliction until I went to this convention.

I can't remember the short story this reminds me of. It's about a valley girl who finds herself thrown into a sword-and-sorcery world, but never loses the I'd-rather-be-on-Rodeo-Drive attitude. Taken in that light, it's hilarious.

If you take Dragon*Con seriously, I suppose you might be offended by this (plenty of people appear to be), but you'd have to buy the central conceit that this woman attended Dragon*Con "as a favor to my boyfriend", then published this newspaper article savaging his hobbies for the sake of a good laugh.

And now, our feature presentation

The War of the Worlds (1953), in 30 seconds. Re-enacted by bunnies.

"You can't take the sky from me"

After dozens of advance screenings, all of which sold out before I ever heard about them, Serenity is finally in the theaters. This is the movie written and directed by Joss (Buffy, Angel) Whedon, based on his series Firefly.

There were actually 14 episodes filmed, but Fox only ran eleven of them, and those out of order. The two-hour pilot they ran last, for reasons that must have made sense at the time. The whole series can be seen, in order, in the DVD set.

Watching Serenity is like fast-forwarding through the eight episodes that would have completed the first full 22-episode season. That's asking a lot of a hundred and nineteen minutes. Fortunately, it is one hell of a hundred and nineteen minutes. You'll laugh. "At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime." You'll cry. "I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." And, yes, you'll kiss eight-to-ten bucks goodbye, but it'll be worth it.

(See also this comic strip and interview with Joss Whedon by M. E. Russell, and this review from Locus.)

Birth of a Legend

Back when I taught Windows apps for a living, I began each class with some kind of mood-setting icebreaker. For instance, those of you with a tech background may be surprised to learn that it will never occur to the average PC user to clean their mouse. I showed 'em how: I popped the ball out of the mouse and gave it a quick puff to blow the dust out.

From the reaction, you might have thought I'd done it to a real mouse.

I'm thinking, now, that it must have occurred to many of my students that there's a crude yet logical name for this procedure, a name that it would have cost me my job to actually say.

But when it was a MS Office application, I had a ready-made icebreaker built into the software. A feature that the whole suite shares. A feature that everyone has used, since it pops onto the screen unbidden. A feature that users hate with a passion I'd previously seen reserved for the post office, the phone company or used car dealers.

Yes, I'm talking about Clippy, the paperclip, the Office Assistant.

I told his story in a roundabout way, because (as just now) I didn't tell the class the point of what appeared to be a digression. I talked briefly about the forgotten Microsoft product, in which Clippy (and several of the other Office Assistant characters) had made his debut. A product intended, as Clippy is now, to put a friendly, happy face on the user interface, to help users overcome their fear of the PC (yes, average users are afraid of their computers), to reassure them that the computer is there to do what they tell it to do, no less, no more.

The lesson learned from this product is, as frustrated as you may get with your computer and the software it runs, Microsoft is at least trying to help. Only a deeply-felt concern for the lost user could have persuaded them to let this thing out of the gate. Shed a tear for broken dreams.

I give you CNET.com's Worst Computer Product of the Decade: Microsoft Bob.

(See also Wikipedia and ToastyTech.)

Unintended Consequences

Since I'm sure you're all concerned, let me fill you in on how the Governor's decision -- er, request -- to close schools statewide today and tomorrow has affected us.

Well, most immediately, since both of the wage-earners in this house are teachers, it means they're both off work today. This might not be the plus it sounds like, since (1) it's unpaid, and (2) being "officially" a snow day, it'll have to be made up later. In addition, at least as far as my wife is concerned, there are a number of tasks she must have completed by Friday. She was counting on being able to work on them today and tomorrow, and she can't do it from home. (Whether the buildings will be open for teachers to come in is each principal's decision: This one has opted to keep the building closed.)

My daughter is at school anyway (her principal decided to open the building), working on the upcoming Talent Night. My son is content to stay home and watch TV when his mother doesn't have him sorting laundry.

I suppose it could be worse. If my children were younger, and the wage-earners working in some other line of work, we would have to spend a couple of hundred dollars we don't have on daycare. Many thousands of families statewide are doing exactly that. I wonder if the available daycare facilities are sufficient to the task. They didn't get much warning, since Governor Purdue chose to announce this decision after 4:00pm Friday afternoon.

But Georgia's school districts have saved, between them, an estimated half-million dollars in diesel fuel. I'm sure that's more important.

I'll accept that, I think

You are a Social Liberal (63% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (65% permissive) You are best described as a: Libertarian Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

...although, I wonder why the Democratic area is so much larger than the Republican area.

Another one bites the dust

Yahoo News (AP) | Marshall Field's Name Change Upsets Some
CHICAGO - It has always been much more than a department store. It's the magical place where parents brought their children to see the windows at Christmastime, where those children grew and did the same with their kids — stopping, of course, to visit the one true Santa Claus.

It is Marshall Field's. Or simply "Field's" to everybody in Chicago.

...On Tuesday, Federated Department Stores Inc., said it is planning to change to Macy's the name of all 62 Marshall Field's, including the one on State Street that dates back to 1892.

I understand Chicago's disorientation. Having seen two department stores / local institutions become Macy's (Davison's and Rich's), my first reaction is "Why should Chicago get to keep theirs if we couldn't keep ours?"

Is it just me...

...or is The Phantom getting creepy?

And not creepy in a good, thrilling or exciting way, either, but creepy in a date-rape, Michael Jackson kind of way.

Currently, for instance, he is in the home of Mina, the young lady whose presence sparked his most recent storyline. Having safely doped her with Bengalla medicine so that she no longer remembers their adventure (which, in context, seems a lot more questionable than when Tommy Lee Jones did it to Linda Fiorentino in Men in Black), he's stalking around her house late at night, and today he's in her bedroom, watching her sleep.

(The link goes to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, where the most recent month of continuity can be seen. The strips syndicator, King Features, has gone to a bewildering policy of displaying only the first week of the preceding month on their web site.)

Stealth opinion

This photograph is an editorial.

It is not labeled as such. It is presented as a straight news photo by Reuters, part of their ongoing coverage of the John Roberts hearings. Looks like a man whose day is not going well, doesn't it?

Personal Appearance

Much to my surprise, I'll be participating in the special "Talk Like a Pirate Day" program at the Barnes and Noble near Perimeter Mall. We'll be reading selections from Brad Strickland's and Thomas E. Fuller's The Guns of Tortuga, volume two in their "Pirate Hunter" series.

Some of us will be in costume. Your guess is as good as mine as to whether I will be among them.

That's a week from today (Sunday, September 18).

Horror stories

A gossip column in the New York Daily News isn't the best source I could hope for, so take this with a large grain of salt:

NY Daily News | Lavish tastes of card-carrying lowlifes
Profiteering ghouls have been using debit cards distributed in the wake of Hurricane Katrina - intended to buy essentials for evacuated families - in luxury-goods stores as far away as Atlanta.

"We've seen three of the cards," said a senior employee of the Louis Vuitton store at the Lenox Square Mall in affluent Buckhead, who asked not to be named. "Two I'm certain have purchased; one actually asked if she could use it in the store. This has been since Saturday."

The distinctive white cards were distributed by the Red Cross and the Federal Emergency Management Agency and carry a value of up to $2,000.

"It doesn't say anything on the card other than alcohol, tobacco and firearms cannot be purchased with it," the store employee told me. "There's nothing legally that prevents us from taking it, unfortunately. Other than morally, it's wrong."

The source told me that the two women who had made purchases with the card each bought a signature monogrammed Louis Vuitton handbag in the $800 range.

"They didn't look destitute by any stretch. You would never have said, 'They must be one of the evacuees.' … The one that I dealt with yesterday was 20. She'll be 21 next month." The source described the reaction of other store-keepers in the mall - which includes luxury brands Ferragamo, Burberry, Judith Leiber and Neiman Marcus - as "outrage."

"It doesn't say anywhere on there, but it would have to be a good amount to be shopping in here," the source said with a dark chuckle.

"Lowlifes". Hm. I'll file it with this one, which I also find myself doubting:

Yahoo News UK (Sky News) | Storm Survivors Told To 'Expose Themselves'
A group of female hurricane survivors were told to show their breasts if they wanted to be rescued, a British holidaymaker has revealed. Ged Scott watched as American rescuers turned their boat around and sped off when the the women refused.

The account was just another example of the horror stories emerging from the hurricane disaster zone.

Mr Scott, 36, of Liverpool, was with his wife and seven-year-old daughter in the Ramada Hotel when the flood waters started rising.

"At one point, there were a load of girls on the roof of the hotel saying 'Can you help us?' and the policemen said 'Show us what you've got' and made signs for them to lift their T-shirts," he told the Liverpool Evening Echo.

"When the girls refused, they said 'Fine' and motored off down the road in their boat."

That almost sounds like it could have happened: "Show us what you've got" is the unofficial motto of New Orleans ("Laissez les bon temps roulez" being, I think, the official one). I remain skeptical.

I need a palate cleanser.

Boston Globe | Katrina's real name
THE HURRICANE that struck Louisiana yesterday was nicknamed Katrina by the National Weather Service. Its real name is global warming.

...Unfortunately, very few people in America know the real name of Hurricane Katrina because the coal and oil industries have spent millions of dollars to keep the public in doubt about the issue.

The reason is simple: To allow the climate to stabilize requires humanity to cut its use of coal and oil by 70 percent. That, of course, threatens the survival of one of the largest commercial enterprises in history.

...In 2000, big oil and big coal scored their biggest electoral victory yet when President George W. Bush was elected president -- and subsequently took suggestions from the industry for his climate and energy policies.

Ah, there it is. The President really does control the weather.

Sean, Celine and the Big Easy

Celine:

"Oh, they're stealing 20 pair of jeans or they're stealing television sets. Who cares? They're not going to go too far with it. Maybe those people are so poor, some of the people who do that they're so poor they've never touched anything in their lives. Let them touch those things for once."

Sean:

"There are people that are dying right now and I mean babies and old people and everybody in between - they're dying. There are people dying and (the US government are) not putting the boats in the water, I think that's criminal negligence. I don't think anybody ever anticipated the criminal negligence of the Bush administration in this situation."

(The Evening Standard is one of the few that's taking Penn seriously. Most domestic sources are reporting Penn's involvement as comedy relief. See All Headline News and Blogcritics.)

You know, I've been looking for past warnings from the mayor of New Orleans or the governor of Louisiana that "we'd better reinforce these levees before hurricane season gets here", and I'm not finding any. The best I can find is Drudge's reference to a Times-Picayune report describing a series of public service announcements being recorded by the local Red Cross Executive Director, the City Council President, and, yes, Mayor Ray Nagin, warning the population of sub-sealevel New Orleans that...

In the event of a major hurricane, you're on your own....the city does not have the resources to move out of harm's way an estimated 134,000 people without transportation.

But apparently it is, or should be, within the president's power to change the course of mighty rivers. (What about the bending steel part? Does he have to use his bare hands, or can he have a pair of pliers?) Is the president supposed to take charge of every potential infrastructure failure in every city in the country? What are local governments for?

According to ABC, FEMA gave them what they asked for, but they didn't ask for evacuation assistance until well after Katrina hit.

One aide to the governor told ABC News today Blanco thought city officials were taking care of the evacuation.

Well, yeah, you'd think people who live in the shadow of a levee might be thinking about that. I can only assume that most of the city officials live on higher ground than Poydras Street. We've seen what city officials were doing: "You're on your own." As reported by the New York Daily News:

Nearly a third of New Orleans cops - some 500 of the 1,600 - are now unaccounted for. The department says some quit, but it doesn't know where most of them are. The top cop, Eddie Compass, has responded by offering all officers paid vacations to Las Vegas and Atlanta. Yes, that's right - he is pulling all cops off the street, even while bodies lie in the open.

And they used the buses that might have been useful evacuating residents dependent on public transportation to get them to, of all places, the SuperDome. Which is a lot like hiding in Titanic's engine room. Apparently Mayor Nagin had seen an old Superman comic featuring the domed undersea city of Atlantis and thought the SuperDome would do as well.

Maybe he figures Cuba Gooding Jr will play him in the movie.

It's not like the problem wasn't known. See National Geographic.

Even many of those who are making reasonably good cases for more and faster federal involvement (and I'll grant there are plenty of dropped balls to go around) are saying, in effect, that Washington should have known that those cajuns, yats, and n--that is to say, people of color--aren't capable of dealing with a real disaster. Which isn't quite the defense I would have hoped for, were I they.

LATER: Colorado representative Tom Tancredo actually said it:

Given the abysmal failure of state and local officials in Louisiana to plan adequately for or respond to the effects of Hurricane Katrina on the city of New Orleans, and given the long history of public corruption in Louisiana, I am not confident that Louisiana officials can be trusted to administer federal relief aid.

Well, I'll be darned.

News stories I couldn't finish reading

Guardian | Lewinsky to study psychology at LSE
Monica Lewinsky, who shot to fame as a White House intern under the US president Bill Clinton in the 1990s, is...

(Thanks, Ron.)

Personal Appearance

Yep, we're all at DragonCon this weekend. The Atlanta Radio Theatre Company has two performances, one of which you've already missed (oops), but there's still time to catch the Sunday evening show. That's the important one, of course, because it's the one I'm in.

And the organization variously referred to as the wicked stepsister, the evil twin, and the red-headed stepchild, the Mighty Rassilon Art Players, will be mounting a full-length stage musical, "Romeo and Ethel, the Pirate's Daughter". That's Monday afternoon at 2, and those of you who haven't yet heard my daughter sing will have an opportunity to do so there. I'm told that some other people are in it, too.

Continental gas

Christian Science Monitor | Gas prices too high? Try Europe.
$7 a gallon? That's what drivers in Amsterdam pay. But Europeans have long adapted to high prices.

So the Monitor leads us into another examination of the superiority of European fuel policies. Real men pay more for gas. But buried down in paragraphs fourteen to sixteen is the real reason.

"The single most effective measure" that has brought down motorists' fuel use in Europe, however, is taxation, says Dings [Jos Dings, head of Transport and Energy, a coalition of European environmental NGOs].

On average, 60 percent of the price European drivers pay at the pump goes to their governments in taxes.

In Britain, the government takes 75 percent, and raises taxes by 5 percent above inflation every year (though it has forgone this year's rise in view of rocketing oil prices, and the French government has promised tax rebates this year to taxi drivers, truckers, fishermen, and others who depend heavily on gasoline.) On August 8, for example, the price of gas in the US, without taxes, would be $2.17, instead of $2.56; in Britain, it would be $1.97, instead of $6.06.

So. European gasoline prices would actually be lower than American prices, if not for confiscatory tax rates, which they have somehow convinced themselves are a good thing. The Monitor appears to agree, since they've backed into the numbers by saying that "60 percent of the price goes to their governments in taxes." Whereas, if one were approaching this from the perspective of the base price of the gas, one would have to say that the actual tax rate is 150%-200%.

"The biggest hole in our policy today is fuel taxation," [...says Lee Schipper, head of transportation research at the Washington-based World Resources Institute, an environmental think tank]. "Tax increases are something Americans should do but don't know how to do, and I wonder if they will ever be able to."

What planet are you from?

America has a history of resentment toward purely punitive tax, dating back at least to that unfortunate incident in Boston with all that tea.

Never mind the writer

I can only assume that Rupert Holmes, the author of Where the Truth Lies, is not involved in the film adaptation of his book, since he's not mentioned in this story about the film's troubles achieving an R rating.

Globe and Mail | Is the naked Truth too hot for censors?
Toronto — An explicit sex scene involving two men and a woman in Canadian director Atom Egoyan's latest movie is expected to earn the film a prohibitive rating in the U.S. that, if sustained, will "severely limit" its box office there, Mr. Egoyan predicted yesterday.

The Classification and Ratings Administration of the powerful Motion Picture Association of America plans to reveal its official rating of Mr. Egoyan's Where the Truth Lies no later than tomorrow. But given what Mr. Egoyan calls "the very conservative climate in America," he and the film's North American distributor, Toronto-based ThinkFilm Inc., "strongly suspect" it will be rated NC-17. This means no one 17 years of age or under in the U.S. will be allowed admission, even if accompanied by a parent or legal guardian.

While Where the Truth Lies has some tough violence, nudity, lesbian encounters and drug-taking, it is a sex scene involving stars Colin Firth and Kevin Bacon and the film's female lead, 29-year-old Rachel Blanchard, that seems to be giving U.S. adjudicators trouble -- something U.S. observers told Mr. Egoyan he might expect after the movie's world premiere in May at the Cannes film festival.

"I guess I'm naive; I really had no idea it would be a problem," the director said at that time.

It only takes one verifiable factual error to throw an article into question. Or shall I assume that the error I caught is the only one? Perhaps the reporter was so caught up in artistic issues that he failed to fact-check something as relatively trivial as who the female lead actually is. Having read the book, I can assure you that if the movie resembles the book (can't take that for granted, I realize), Blanchard's character [as listed at IMDB] isn't the lead. (I suppose I'm not giving too much away to call her the "Laura Palmer" of the story.)

We can dismiss the director's blithe claim of naivete--or, rather, we could if there were a Major Motion Picture Studio involved. None of the majors would entrust that much money to a director who has so little understanding of the American market.

Assuming he does understand the market, he's probably using notoriety to get a little free publicity for a film that otherwise would run unnoticed in the local art house.

Didn't see that coming

Times of London | Psychic's crystal ball burns down his flat in unforeseen blaze
IF HERVE VANDROT, a French amateur psychic, took out a warranty on his crystal ball, he may soon be claiming on it. Instead of predicting that his flat would catch fire, the fortune-telling device was the cause of the blaze.

M Vandrot, 24, who is studying botanics at Edinburgh University, left the ball on his windowsill while he visited the city’s Royal Botanic Garden. By the time he returned, the ball had destroyed his own and two other flats, and had left several others uninhabitable.

... M Vandrot, released from hospital after a night having his hand treated, denied that his crystal ball had been the cause of the blaze. "I don’t think it is capable of doing that. I think it was an electrical fault; the plug of my computer was melted."

Edinburgh’s firefighters disagreed, and roundly blamed the ball. "Strong sunlight through glass, particularly if the glass is filled with liquid like a goldfish bowl, concentrates the sun’s rays and acts like a magnifying glass," a spokesman said. The fire had been started by the ball concentrating a ray of sunshine on a pile of washing, he said.

One of M Vandrot’s friends, who was helping him to sift through the debris yesterday, said: "I don’t think it was the crystal ball. I have had crystal balls on my windowsills for years and nothing happened."

Yeah, and if the window faces north, probably nothing will, as direct sunlight will never come from that direction in the northern hemisphere.

I feel like I have a good acquaintance with middle-to-high-school-level science. A crystal ball looks like a great big lens to me. Isn't it?

In a world...

The only thing really wrong with this video is that one giant of the voice-over industry, Gary Owens, isn't in it. But it does give you an opportunity to place names, and faces, to five voices you know well.

(I got it from Mark Evanier.)

Now all they have to do is convince those pesky Christians

AFP (Yahoo News) | Christmas comes but twice a year, Santas decree
COPENHAGEN (AFP) - Some 80 Santas from around the world, backed by their elves, have agreed to establish a second Christmas in July to ease their heavy workload each December, their spokeswoman said.

"At the special request of the Japanese Santa Claus, the congress decided to approve two Christmases, one on July 24-25 for the southern hemisphere and another one on December 24-25 for the northern hemisphere," spokeswoman Tina Baungaard told AFP Wednesday.

The decision was approved at their 42nd annual convention in Denmark by Santas from Canada, Europe, Japan and the United States who have been meeting since Monday at the world's oldest theme park, Bakken, north of Copenhagen.

"The Santa Clauses and other Father Christmases are too stressed with too much work to do at the end of the year," since they up until now have had to travel around the entire world in a race against the clock to deliver all their presents in time, Baungaard said.

"They're exhausted, so they agreed to a proposal from the Japanese Santa Claus which greatly improves their working conditions," she said.

On Wednesday, the Santas and their little helpers handed out gifts to delighted children at Bakken, after holding a parade in the streets of Copenhagen Tuesday.

The Santas have been meeting in Denmark every summer since 1963.

One noticeable absentee, however, is the Finnish Santa, who has boycotted the event for years over his refusal to acknowledge that the one true Santa is the one from Greenland, who lives in a secret location.

They originally wanted April, but they got into a turf war with the Easter Bunnies. Eggs and reindeer poop as far as the eye can see. Of course, the eggs were candy and reindeer poop is tinsel, so it wasn't as bad as you might think.

"I am shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here"

MTV | Sony BMG Apologizes For Payola Involving J. Lo, Avril, Good Charlotte, Others
Label gave trips, cash and electronics to stations in exchange for airplay.

The payola has got to stop — that's the word from New York State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, who on Monday announced a settlement with Sony BMG Music Entertainment, which has agreed to cease its "pay for play" policy.

The label group, home to such acts as Jessica Simpson and Franz Ferdinand, was the subject of a yearlong investigation that revealed it was paying and providing expensive gifts — otherwise known as "payola" — to radio stations and their employees in return for airplay, in a violation of state and federal law. The payola took the form of outright bribes as well as fictitious contest giveaways for listeners, which actually went to station employees.

Is she sorry she let Buffy go?

Contact Music | Gellar Desperate for Topless Role
Actress SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR wants to go topless in her next film role - to shock movie bosses into giving her sexy roles in future films.

THE GRUDGE star is approaching her 30th birthday and fears she will be deemed too old to play raunchy roles, unless she proves she is still attractive and daring by baring all in a film.

She explains, "I am approaching 30 and I need a change.

"The sort of roles I would like are not being offered, so this way might just shock people into choosing me."

Perhaps she should look into adapting Buffy/Willow fanfiction to the big screen.

Today's top story

Yahoo News | Athletes Spark White House Flip-Flop Flap

A photo of Northwestern University's national championship women's lacrosse team, taken during the athletes' visit to the White House last week, shows four of the nine women in the front row wearing flip-flop sandals along with their dresses and skirts.

The choice of footwear has prompted a mini-controversy — a flip-flop flap, if you will.

A front-page story in the Chicago Tribune included the headline "YOU WORE FLIP-FLOPS TO THE WHITE HOUSE?!" inspired by an e-mail sent to player Kate Darmody from her older brother after he saw the photo on the team's Web site.

Family members of other players expressed similar dismay, insisting the summer footwear staple was too casual for a visit with the president.

"Don't even ask me about the flip-flops," said the mother of player Aly Josephs. "It mortified me."

Boy, that Karl Rove is just insidious, isn't he?

I ain't got an accent, y'all do

pbs.org | Sounds of the South
Southern American English (SAE) is the most widely recognized regional dialect of American English, but as most of its speakers know, widespread recognition is a mixed blessing. SAE is also the regional dialect that is most negatively evaluated. In a recent study of folk beliefs about American dialects, Dennis Preston (1996) found that 90% of his respondents from Michigan and Indiana and 96% of those from South Carolina recognized SAE as a distinct variety of American English. Both the Michigan and Indiana respondents, however, also evaluated SAE as the most “incorrect” variety of American English (New York City speech was the only serious competitor), and the South Carolina respondents were ambivalent about its correctness as well.

The widespread recognition and negative evaluation of SAE can have practical consequences for its users that in some cases include negative stereotyping and linguistic discrimination, just as with African American Vernacular English (AAVE), or Ebonics. While SAE almost never generates the extreme reactions and extensive prejudice that AAVE often does, its users can anticipate at least polite (and often not so polite) condescension to their speech by non-Southerners. In spite of its low status outside of the South and of standardizing forces such as interregional migration and universal education that threaten many minority languages and dialects, SAE continues to persist.

I shouldn't oughta say anything.