"I see how it could be considered disrespectful"

Yahoo News (AP) | S.F. Man Says Beheading Video Is a Hoax
The man shown in the video, reached by The Associated Press in San Francisco, said he videotaped the staged beheading at his friend's house using fake blood.

Benjamin Vanderford, 22, said he began distributing the video on the Internet months ago in hopes of drawing attention to his one-time campaign for city supervisor. When his political aspirations waned, he thought the video would serve as social commentary.

"It was part of a stunt, but no one noticed it up until now," Vanderford said.

Don't laugh, you're next

WCBS | Oops! A New Bushism Is Born
WASHINGTON (AP) President Bush offered up a new entry for his catalog of "Bushisms" on Thursday, declaring that his administration will "never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people."

Bush misspoke as he delivered a speech at the signing ceremony for a $417 billion defense spending bill.

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," Bush said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

No one in Bush's audience of military brass or Pentagon chiefs reacted.

The president was working his way toward a larger point. "We must never stop thinking about how best to defend our country. We must always be forward-thinking," he said.

One of the following stories is a joke

MSNBC | Cubans flock to see ‘Fahrenheit 9/11’
HAVANA - No surprise here: Cuban audiences love Michael Moore's anti-Bush "Fahrenheit 9/11."

After opening the island’s summer film program and playing to sold-out crowds in 120 movie theaters across the island, Cuba’s communist government decided to air it on state-run television last Thursday.

... The day after the movie opened in U.S. theaters, Cubans had their hands on bootleg copies. For weeks before the Havana premier, underground video stores were renting “Fahrenheit” for five pesos a night.

... Others were surprised that the U.S. system tolerated such strident criticism of a sitting president.

Alex Martin, 30, praised both Moore for having had the “courage” to make the movie, and “U.S. democracy for protecting freedom of speech.”

Despite the new U.S. travel regulations limiting visits to the island, there was a sprinkling of Americans who saw the documentary in Cuban theaters.

Emerging from the Yara Theater in downtown Havana, Abigail Nelson, an American college student learning Spanish this summer in Havana, noted, “Michael Moore and Fidel Castro see the world eye-to-eye.”

Neither Mr Moore nor his representatives suggested that anything should be done about this conspicuous, widespread media piracy.

Yahoo (Reuters) | 'Fahrenheit 9/11' Shown on Prime Time TV in Cuba
... Cubans have stood in long lines to buy tickets to see rough DVD copies projected at 120 cinema theaters across the island to unfailing applause.

"We hope this film will lead Americans to see the reality of their government, and not only deny Bush reelection but put him on trial for the harm he has done to humanity," said retired worker Armando Rodriguez.

... Cuban dissidents who saw "Fahrenheit 9/11" praised the United States for its freedom of expression and lamented that such criticism of a president was not allowed in Cuba where the one-party state controls the media.

The irony of this was not commented upon by Mr Moore or his representatives.

Guardian | Cuban screening won't rule Moore out of Oscars
Fahrenheit 9/11 is still eligible for next year's Oscars despite being screened on Cuban TV last week, the Academy of Motions Picture Arts and Sciences has admitted.

There had been fears that the illegal broadcast might have scuppered director Michael Moore's chance to add to his 2003 award for Bowling For Columbine. The Academy rules that any feature documentary that airs on TV within nine months of its theatrical release is automatically barred from contention.

In a joint statement, the film's distributors - Harvey and Bob Weinstein, IFC Entertainment chief Jonathan Sehring and Lions Gate president Tom Ortenberg, insisted that the Academy's rule "has not been violated because it was a stolen copy and was in no way authorised by its distributors". Yesterday the Academy appeared to accept the argument. "As far as we are concerned, if this was a bootleg, as we believe it was, then we will not penalise them," Academy director of communications John Pavlik told Variety.

The Academy, like Mr Moore, made no statement on the subject of media piracy in Cuba, whether of praise, tolerance or condemnation. The MPAA, hopelessly out of its jurisdiction, threw up its hands in resignation.

Yahoo (Reuters) | Cuban 'Fahrenheit' Telecast Raises Oscar Questions
Because the Academy rule restricting TV or Internet display of Oscar contenders applies only to documentaries, "Fahrenheit 9/11" could still qualify for nomination as best picture, best director or best original screenplay.

Variety speculated that backers of the film might regard the movie, which has been popular among Hollywood's liberal-leaning elite, as having a better chance of clinching a nomination in the best picture race if it was disqualified from the documentary contest.

On the other hand, the film now qualifies for an Emmy.

Spoof | Michael Moore wins Academy Award
(Los Angeles, CA) -- People Magazine first broke the story about director Michael Moore winning an Academy Award for "Best Picture" last night. Academy Award officials visited Moore today at his New York City home and told him that he could not simply GIVE an award to himself. Moore reportedly replied, "Obviously I can because there it is now, on my mantle don't you see?".

Moore, still shoolgirlishly giddy about his hit movie Fahrenheit 911 apparently commissioned an LA trophy shop to fashion and build him an Academy Award for best picture. Inside sources say that after picking up the trophy from the shop Moore then awarded it to himself in a private ceremony at his home Sunday night. "He even gave himself an acceptance speech in front of his own camcorder" one anonymous source said.

Well, obviously, the only awards that mean anything are those that come from people you respect and love.

What's that? I have to do equal time?

But what exactly constitutes equal time to a statement from a sitting Democratic senator endorsing a Republican candidate?

Sometimes a Kerry/McCain ticket doesn't seem like the oddest thing that could happen, you know?

"Mansions of cynicism and skepticism"

WSJ OpinionJournal | See Y'All in New York
Why I skipped the Boston convention, by Zell Miller
No longer the party of hope, today's Democratic Party has become Mr. Kerry's many mansions of cynicism and skepticism. As our economy continues to get better and businesses add jobs, Mr. Kerry's going around America trying to convince people that the roof is about to cave in. He talks about "the misery index" and the Depression. What does he know about either?

Why, Senator Miller, haven't you heard? Senator Kerry served in Vietnam.

While I wasn't paying attention...

I've been so distracted by recent events in DC's Identity Crisis that I haven't been paying attention to the big summer event over at Marvel, Avengers Disassembled.

Marvel.com realizes that you can't tell the players without a scorecard, so they've created one: A bingo-card grid with pictures of the thirty characters affected by the "Disassembled" storyline, coded for dead, missing or "just plain nuts" and a note explaining how and in which comic. (Sorry, I can't link to it: You'll have to look for the "Disassembled Watchlist" at Marvel.com.) "Balder: Tagged and Bagged"? "Iron Man: Hissy Fit at the U.N."? "Jack of Hearts: Blowed Up Real Good"? And the card is headlined "Who Gets It Next?"

"Identity Crisis" looks downright sedate by comparison.

A new issue of Spider-Man is out, so now we know, or think we know, who those masked figures are: They're (spoilers ahoy) Peter's children. See, Gwen Stacy disappeared for a few months back before she was killed, and it turns out she was pregnant when she left and had twins while she was gone. (She never had a chance to tell Peter about them before she was killed by the Green Goblin.) They are grown-up and resentful now and looking to kill both Spider-Man and Peter Parker. And lucky them, they've just learned that their targets are the same person.

But wait a minute. It's been well established that comic book time isn't like real time, since characters age much more slowly than they should. If Peter has adult children (and for all Pete's shock, he doesn't seem to question the possibility of the timeline), that raises a question: How old is Peter Parker?

Okay, I understand. Comics are currently undergoing a transition. It might be birth throes, it might be death rattles, but it's definitely a metamorphosis. It's pretty clear that it's been years since comics were written for kids, but with both of the Big Two companies having instituted a form of reader classification, and both publishing comics that actually are intended for kids (Marvel has a "Marvel Age" imprint and a formal rating system, DC has a reborn "Johnny DC" mascot who appears on comics for younger readers), they're also formally tweaking their "mainstream" line to cater to the high school and college-age readers (and older, emotionally stunted readers like me, I suppose) who are their primary audience.

Of the two, DC seems to be handling it better. Two mini-series in current release are bookending and redefining the "Silver Age" of comics: One, DC: The New Frontier, is set in the late fifties/early sixties, as a new generation of heroes works to serve, protect, and earn the trust of "normal" people: The other, Identity Crisis, happens "now" but flashes back to an traumatic event at, or near, the end of that "Silver Age". The two could not be more different in tone. "New Frontier" is written and drawn by Darwyn Cooke, in a style that compares favorably to Milton Caniff (Steve Canyon), strongly influenced by Harvey Kurtzman (Two Fisted Tales), Carmine Infantino (The Flash) and Jack Kirby (Fantastic Four, Challengers of the Unknown): "Identity Crisis" is a post-Frank Miller (Dark Knight Returns), post-Alan Moore (Watchmen), post-James Robinson (Starman) deconstruction by Brad Meltzer and Rags Morales. But the fact that they are both being published, simultaneously, shows that DC is now prepared to take chances, even with their cash cow characters. We may even find out that DC has quietly introduced something approaching Real Time.

And unless events in Amazing Spider-Man play out dramatically differently than how writer J. Michael Straczynski appears to have laid them out (which is always a possibility), Marvel may be doing the same thing. Which is fine. As surprising as it is to think that Peter Parker has adult children, I'd rather he had kids than clones.

(Yes, I know that Spider-Girl is Peter's daughter. That doesn't count: It's an "alternate reality" set in the future, an improbable bubble in continuity. Amazing Spider-Man is about as mainstream as Marvel gets.)

Only in America...

...can a boy from Virginia and a girl from Ohio make love on the sidewalk in Boise, Idaho as a pro-vegetarian statement.


Of course, it's PETA.

All in Color for $3.95

I'm trying to remember if four dollars seems like any larger a chunk of my change than ten (or twelve) cents did back in the day. Memory fails: I have no idea.

The second issue of DC Comics' Identity Crisis by Brad Meltzer is out, and apparently being beaten to death and the body burned isn't indignity enough for Sue Dibny. Now we learn (spoilers ahoy) that, some years ago (thirty years ago in real time, but probably no more than five in comic-book years), she was attacked and raped by Doctor Light.

I liked this kind of story when I saw it in Alan Moore's Watchmen, and I may yet like it here, when it's finished. But the characters in Watchmen were created for the purpose of telling that story. Reading Identity Crisis is like watching Laura Petrie get raped.

(There was, in fact, an episode of the Dick van Dyke show in which the subject of wife-beating was addressed. The guilty character was a never-again-seen guest star, the unsavory acts were safely off-screen in the guest's back story, and the episode simply didn't work. Wife-beating doesn't belong in TVLand. The jury is still out as to whether it can belong on Earth-1.)

Dr Light broke into the JLA satellite and was discovered by its only occupant at the time, Sue Dibny. She had plenty of time to sound an alarm, did so, and in fact told him that she had done so. He could have escaped. Did he figure he still had time to do what he came for? Then why didn't he do that? Or WAS attacking Sue what he'd come for?

So, while Light's on the floor on top of Sue, the first of the heroes arrives: The Flash. He takes one look at the scene and throws Light across the room (and who wouldn't?). The rest of the current League follows soon after and, in response to continued hostility from Light, beat the tar out of him.

And this isn't even the part of the story that the author intended as the Big Wham.

After Ralph has taken Sue to the hospital, while Light is huddled on the floor imprisoned in Green Lantern's beam, Light taunts the League, saying he's going to find ALL of their loved ones. He uses his light-based powers to create a holographic replay of what he did to Sue, bragging that his fellow prisoners in whatever jail they send him to will enjoy the "show", "My Date with Sue." (Why did he provoke the heroes so severely? What did he hope to accomplish? What was he thinking?)

After a few minutes of this, the League got so sick of it that Zatanna (the resident magician) put Light to sleep. He could have been maintained so indefinitely. Light could have been held in solitary, and would have been on the League's say-so, to prevent the "show" he was threatening to give to his fellow inmates. The need wasn't immediate. There was no hurry.

But Our Heroes were deeply affected by the crime they'd witnessed. "How many times are we going to go through this with Light?" Lock him up, watch him escape, catch him again, lock him up, watch him escape, where does it end?

All they wanted to do was, as Hawkman put it, "clean him up a little", when they sent Zatanna into his head, magically. And she screwed it up. She scrambled his mind. She changed him into... a joke. A pathetic loser who was just as much a criminal as he ever was, but incompetent. He went from being a Justice League-level threat to a clown that any randomly-chosen Teen Titan could handle without breaking a sweat.

A super-villain on training wheels.

And then, while relating this incident to today's Flash and Green Lantern, Green Arrow drops one more grenade: Light wasn't the only one they "fixed". To be continued. (This is #2 of 7.)

So, what did I think?

Brad Meltzer's story is provocative. It's got my attention, and I'll keep reading. Rags Morales' art is first-rate. I just wish, as with Watchmen, they'd created new characters to kill off.

Guess What They Do

Scotsman.com | Let the Games Begin
Kent remembers sitting in the village, watching athletes walk through the door and playing a game of Guess What They Do. "The bikers have skinny little upper bodies, farmer tans and massive, clean-shaven thighs. Invert them and you get the kayakers, who have skinny little legs and massive backs and shoulders. The seven-foot-tall giant who ducks under the doorway entering the cafeteria is probably from basketball. The seven-foot giant who smacks his head on the door frame is definitely a rower; they don't have that hand-eye co-ordination thing. The kids running at the rowers' ankles with the high-pitched voices are gymnasts. It just goes on and on. Being at the village is like taking your place in a wild anatomical parade seen nowhere else on the planet."

Living in the Olympics' host city is... unique. We're still talking about it here.

Robot vacuum cleaners: The Next Generation

c|net | Robot uses minesweeping technology to clean rugs
Burlington, Mass.-based iRobot came out with a new line of robotic vacuum cleaners Monday that, according to the company, feature longer battery life, overall improved performance and an ability to detect dirt.

When the robot drives across a particularly dirty patch of carpet or floor, sensors begin to "listen" to dirt through a vibration detector. The navigation system then steers the robot in circles in the area to eradicate all of the vibration anomalies, at which point the robot resumes its normal course.

You can't talk to me that way, I'm the President

Discover | Conversation Analyst Steve Clayman
So with these little bits of conduct, then, you can actually chart a decline in deference to the president over time and the rise of a more vigorous, aggressive way of dealing with public figures. You can also isolate the circumstantial factors that predict aggressiveness. Here’s a little factoid that we think holds up really well: In general, the questions are softer when they deal with foreign affairs or military affairs than when they deal with domestic affairs; the forms of aggressiveness I’ve described are less common. Presidents get a kind of buffer or shield against aggressive questioning if the questions deal with foreign affairs. And the magnitude of that shield—the gap between the foreign and domestic questions—has remained more or less constant over the last 50 years.

What accounts for that?

There’s an old expression: Politics stops at the water’s edge.

Interview with Tad Stones

Who? Why, the man responsible for Darkwing Duck. There's a long interview with him being serialized in Animation World Magazine.

Part one and part two. (Part three comes next month.)

Sellout? Me? Why, all you had to do was ask

When Bob Dylan showed up on a Victoria's Secret commercial, I guess it was inevitable that Alice Cooper would sell school supplies for Staples. (And yes, they are using "School's Out.")

Where's the... salad?

Long Beach Press Telegram (AP) | Wendy's gaining edge in burger wars
The burger wars aren't being fought with hamburgers, but with salads.

Wendy's is neck-and-neck with rival Burger King, poised to take over as the nation's No. 2 restaurant chain behind McDonald's, analysts said Friday.

But its burgers aren't what put the company there. Analysts say the chain's salads and atmosphere attract adult fast-food eaters, a market not covered by McDonald's often kid-focused strategies.

Since introducing its Garden Sensations salads in 2002, Wendy's sales have been catching up to Burger King more quickly. The chain offers six specialty salads, ranging from Taco Supremo to Mandarin Chicken. Burger King's menu has just two Fire- Grilled Garden and Caesar salads.

One of these days, someone's going to notice that none of the Big Three fast-food eateries offers a salad-based meal. If you're eating green, it's gonna cost you extra: The salad alone costs about what a meal/combo costs, and it doesn't come with a drink.

Called on account of... oranges?

Ah, now it makes sense

It's right there in the open on Michael Moore's own website, on his "Must Read" (recommended links) page. One of the sources he cites for "Real News" -- at the top of the list, just under MediaChannel.org -- is The Onion.

Now I get it. "Michael Moore" is a hoax persona, like those generated by Alan Abel and Joey Skaggs. Heck, maybe he is Joey Skaggs: It would be perfectly in character, save that "Michael Moore" has lasted longer than Skaggs usually allows his "performance art" to run before confessing.

But then some people still believe The Blair Witch Project was a documentary, too.

(See also Hoystory and Ipse Dixit.)

I know it like I know the back of my... oh, wow.

Yahoo News (AP) | Library Clock Has 'IIII' Instead of 'IV'
GARDNER, Mass. - Library director Gail Landy learned that when it comes to Roman numerals on clocks, IIII equals IV.

Construction manager Tom Kondel, head of the Levi Heywood Memorial Library project, came to her recently and said, "Gail, we've got a problem with the clock," referring to the large clock installed over the west door of the new library building.

As Kondel said, the number four on the clock was IIII instead of the expected IV. Landy decided it wouldn't do to have what she called "an illiterate" clock.

"We called up the clock manufacturer and they said, `That's the way we do clocks,'" she told the Telegram & Gazette of Worcester in an interview published Friday.

When she looked at her watch, which had Roman numerals, she discovered that it too used IIII for the number four.

Actually, it may be of note that the AP reporter used Wikipedia as a source.

Unintended Consequences

KOAT (AP) | Red-Light Camera Busts Cheating Wife
HAWTHORNE, Calif. -- A red light camera in Southern California caught one woman in the act -- of cheating.

Hawthorne Officer Mark Escalante said a local resident is challenging his $341 red-light violation ticket.

The ticket was mailed to the registered owner of the car. But the car owner says the camera's automatic videotape shows he wasn't driving -- it was his wife's lover behind the wheel. The jilted husband is getting a divorce.

But the new red-light traffic cameras snagged more than 1,400 motorists last month in Hawthorne, leading to a slew of complaints.

There's been a threefold increase in tickets since the red-light camera were installed this spring. Cameras snapped pictures that resulted in 1,414 tickets issued in June.

Some motorists outraged over getting the tickets storm into the police station to dispute the violations, not knowing the photos come accompanied by videotape.

"In matters of aggression, we have given them absolute power over us. This power cannot be revoked. At the first signs of violence, they act automatically against the aggressor. The penalty for provoking their action is too terrible to risk." --Klaatu, "The Day the Earth Stood Still"

And nobody is going to say a word, right?

Right.

I've been reading comic books lately.

That requires correction. I've been reading comic books for as long as I can remember. But there are a handful of comics I've been reading recently that I intend to talk about now.

Doing so requires a certain amount of predictable old-fogy complaints about today's comic-book storytelling--including questioning the word "storytelling" as applied to an endless series of exquisitely-reproduced, lushly-colored, overdrawn pin-ups that, somehow, appear to have advanced the plot by some infinitesimally small increment over the course of 20 pages yet, on closer inspection, defy me to find an example within those pages of something, anything, having actually happened.

For purposes of comparison, see Action Comics #252, May 1959, cover-featuring "The Supergirl from Krypton", the first appearance of, well, you figure it out. Eight pages, written by Otto Binder, art by Al Plastino. In the course of those eight pages, we go from "What's that rocket in the sky?" to meeting Kara, verifying her bona-fides, creating a secret identity for her, placing her in a nearby orphanage (well, it wouldn't do for bachelor Clark Kent to live with a teenaged girl, now would it?), and setting up her situation for her ongoing series in the back of Action Comics. Also featuring a lead Superman feature and a Congo Bill story. Cover price ten cents.

Then see Superman-Batman #8-13, May-October 2004, featuring "The Supergirl from Krypton", featuring the revised first appearance in current continuity of, well, you figure it out. 120 pages over six issues. written by Jeph Loeb, art by Michael Turner. Currently three issues into the arc and we still haven't established that Kara is who she says she is. Total cover price $17.70.

While I'm complaining: Superman-Batman #9 ends with an attack and attempted kidnapping of Kara by (as we see in a Stunning Last-Page Reveal(tm)) Wonder Woman. Superman-Batman #10 opens with Kara on Themsicyra (the new name for what old fogeys like me remember as Paradise Island, where the lesbians Amazons live). We learn in opening exposition that what appeared to be an attack was actually cooked up by Wonder Woman and Batman to test Superman's reaction. The conversation in which they explain this to Superman happens between issues, since it apparently didn't involve beating anybody up. (Although had I been Superman, and a teenaged girl dependent on me had been roughed up to test me, I would certainly have considered booting up the old heat vision and "testing" my colleagues with a little second-degree sunburn. How's the Bat-Sunblock, old buddy?)

And this is one of the good books.

Then there's The Amazing Spider-Man #509, Aug 2004, featuring part one of the five-part "Sins Past" story arc, written by J Michael Straczynski (yeah, the Babylon 5 guy), art by Mike Deodato. It looks like JMS has something in mind for Gwen Stacy (an old girlfriend of Peter Parker's, killed way back in #121 [31 years ago!], over whom he has never really quit pining). It's hard to tell. Pete is attacked at Gwen's graveside by two masked figures, and although one of them eventually unmasks (another Stunning Last-Page Reveal(tm)), and we are obviously meant to recognize him, Deodato's inability to draw clearly recognizable faces undercuts the reveal so badly that, even with the face fully exposed, we can't be sure who it is.

I could guess, I suppose. Best guess among the fan community on the message boards is that it's a double of Peter Parker last seen in the hated Clone Saga of several years ago. And thanks to online trade solicitations, we've already seen the cover to #511, on which the masked woman is revealed to be... well, again, it's hard to tell. Although if the setup means anything, it's probably meant to be either Gwen Stacy or her double (she is known to have a double, again from that Clone Saga). Deodato had to give her the same hairband she wore in the early seventies (which she is, improbably, wearing under her mask) to create any resemblance to Gwen at all. Possibly we'll find out that it was the double who died and the real Gwen is still alive. That's just the kind of trauma the now-happily-married Peter Parker needs to return his life to the eternal angst fans seem to expect.

I should tell you that the revelation that turned readers away from Spider-Man by the thousands, from which Marvel backpedaled after the damage had been done and quickly rewrote the story to establish that it wasn't true, was that the Peter we'd been reading about for the past twenty years was the clone. The character we'd known as the clone, who traveled under the name "Ben Reilly" and believed himself to be the clone, was the real Peter. As I said, that particular twist was undone, and the clone was apparently killed, but then this wouldn't be the first time he's returned from apparent death. Apparently JMS, or his editor, feels the time is right to revisit this, this, dare I use the word, quagmire and see if there's anything left after the swamp has been drained.

So, we've now reached the point where everyone who has a costume has to wear it all the time, or else the readers can't tell what's going on.

Which leads us back to DC:

Identity Crisis #1-7, Aug 2004-Feb 2005, written by Brad Meltzer, art by Rags Morales and Michael Bair. The final nail in the coffin of the Silver Age, as a beloved (if now minor) character dies, horribly, heartbreakingly and (probably) irrevocably. (In comics death is not a sure thing even when you've seen the body.)

This is DC's Big Event for the summer. (Well, at the moment DC is in the midst of several Big Events, but this is the one that's getting real-world press, because Meltzer is a real author.) It has just begun, and they're keeping an unusually tight lid on it to preserve the surprises, but it appears to involve a serial killer who preys on superheroes' loved ones and a dark secret that five Justice League members share.

In order to talk about Identity Crisis, I have to at least mention Kingdom Come, an acclaimed limited series of a couple of years back in which the superhero population, having grown less responsible with succeeding generations, is now indulging in its pet battles with little or no regard for those affected, sometimes tragically, by their presence. As a commentary on a trend, it was brilliant. But now mainstream comics resemble the nightmare world of Kingdom Come, and the cautionary series has helped to create the situation it was warning us about.

Leading directly to Identity Crisis #1, in which a non-powered, just plain human loved one of a costumed adventurer is killed by someone who knew (spoiler pronoun) her well enough to call her by her first name. Someone who was able to enter her apartment despite the combination of Kryptonian, Thanagarian, Themiscyrian, Martian, and Apocaliptic technology that protected it.

Being a hero has a price. And it's not always the people who Knew The Job Was Dangerous who pay it.

There is no Stunning Last-Page Reveal(tm) in this story. It proceeds with all the (if you didn't like it) predictability and (if you did) inevitability of Hitchcockian suspense. You know what coming. You just don't know when. And all the while you're hoping you're wrong.

(Spoiler follows.) If you didn't know the history of Ralph (Elongated Man) Dibny and his wife Sue Dearbon Dibny, Meltzer sets the stage as painlessly as possible--although if you get past page two and still don't know who's going to die, you probably shouldn't be reading murder mysteries. Some have said that this death is over the top, and as much as I love the character of (final warning) Sue Dibny, I want to think so too. This is not just another comic book death, and Meltzer had to make that clear.

And he does. We see her broken. We see her killer turn a flamethrower on her. We see Ralph find her blistered body. We see the anniversary present she had prepared for him (an antique magnifying glass). And we see the extra detail that elevates this from "mere" brutality to epic tragedy, the reminder that the future that she represented, the moment when Ralph would have opened that present and seen that detail, the surprise and joy and happily-ever-after that would have followed, have been cruelly stolen from him, and from us all.

It's just a comic book.

No, it's not. It's a damned good one.

Death matters. Even that of a supporting character of a third-tier inactive superhero. Even that of someone who never wore a cape and mask. The double-page spread of the mourners at Sue's funeral is an indication of just how big a difference the death of a Normal Person is going to make before this story is over.

I can't judge the whole series on the basis of one issue, but I'd call it a memorable start.

(More information at Newsarama and at Brad Meltzer's own site. OH, and at Comicon.com PULSE, and Toon Zone Forum.)

I'd just gotten out of the habit

...but since I've been getting e-mails from people hoping for a little free publicity on Nude Calendar Watch, I've made a few updates. And now, even though nobody demanded it, each year's grouping is alphabetized. The number of calendars has steadily grown each year, and 2005 is off to a strong start, given that it's only June.

More to the point, will anyone send review copies?

(Only kidding: I only document the trend. I don't buy 'em, I don't sell 'em, and I don't review 'em.)

Waa-hooo!

AP | Plane Soars Out of Earth's Atmosphere
MOJAVE, Calif. - A rocket plane soared above Earth's atmosphere Monday in the first privately financed manned spaceflight, then glided back to Earth for an unpowered landing.

SpaceShipOne pilot Mike Melvill was aiming to fly 62 miles above the Earth's surface and he just exceeded that goal, reaching 62.21 miles, according to radar data.

...Later, standing on the tarmac beside the ship, Melvill said seeing the Earth from outside the atmosphere was "almost a religious experience."

"You can see the curvature of the Earth," he said. "You got a hell of a view from 60, 62 miles."

He also found time for a demonstration of weightlessness by opening a bag of M&M's candies and watching them float through the cockpit. "It was so cool," he said.

It doesn't get much cooler than that.

You knew it would happen

NEWS.com.au (AFP) | First mobile phone virus discovered
THE first ever computer virus that can infect mobile phones has been discovered, anti-virus software developers said today, adding that up until now it has had no harmful effect.

The French unit of the Russian security software developer Kaspersky Labs said that that virus - called Cabir - appears to have been developed by an international group specialising in creating viruses which try to show "that no technology is reliable and safe from their attacks".

Cabir infects the Symbian operating system that is used in several makes of mobiles, notably the Nokia brand, and propagates through the new bluetooth wireless technology that is in several new mobile phones.

If the virus succeeds in penetrating the phone, it writes the inscription 'Caribe' on the screen and is then activated every time that the phone is turned on.

And just how am I supposed to run Norton on my phone?

I give up

Someone went to my post of October 1, 2002 and made the comment "here u am i ?". Does this have any meaning, or is it just an odd bug in YACCS (my comment engine)?

Not just a space on a game board

Courier Post | Purple properties have rich history
Low-rent district, indeed. Mediterranean Avenue carries a rent of $2 for anyone who lands on the property during Monopoly.

... But back in the day when Parker Brothers breathed life into Monopoly, Baltic and Mediterranean deserved the designation, said Sid Trusty, an Atlantic City historian.

The two were the only through streets on the north side of Atlantic Avenue, the primary demarcation point between the city's white and African-American communities.

Now if only I had the street address of "Go"...

Tricks of the trade

azcentral.com | Interview twists, turns
The craftiest of interviewers will do more than look for hidden clues; they will create situations where a candidate will reveal his or her personality.

...Some interviewers have been known to call job seekers at home and pose as telemarketers to gauge how those candidates react. Are they rude? Do they yell? Or are they polite but insistent that they don't want to purchase anything?

How a candidate deals with an annoying telemarketing call tells the company something about how you would deal with an annoying client.

No, it doesn't.

If I'm dealing with a client (or a potential client), it's incumbent upon me to demonstrate that it is to the client's advantage to maintain a relationship with me. I am under no obligation to be polite to a telemarketer. And whether I am or not is no indication of how I'll treat paying customers.

Lance said she has heard of hiring managers who spill something on a candidate to see how he or she reacts.

Sorry, I'm a job candidate, not a lab rat. Interviews work both ways, you know.

Thoughtful, intelligent lefties

Village Voice | Theater: Foreman's Wake-Up Call
[theater review by Michael Feingold]
Republicans don't believe in the imagination, partly because so few of them have one, but mostly because it gets in the way of their chosen work, which is to destroy the human race and the planet. Human beings, who have imaginations, can see a recipe for disaster in the making; Republicans, whose goal in life is to profit from disaster and who don't give a hoot about human beings, either can't or won't. Which is why I personally think they should be exterminated before they cause any more harm.

Now, I was going to ignore this. It's well-enough covered in the blogosphere, with even the Instapundit drawing attention to it. But then, on a whim, it occurred to me that maybe, as impossible as it seemed given the length of the quote, maybe it was being taken out of context. Here's the paragraph following:

This opinion is presumably not shared by Foreman; you can gauge the breadth of his imaginative compassion from his willingness to extend it even toward George W. Bush, idiot scion of a genetically criminal family that should have been sterilized three generations ago.

Boy, some people make it really hard to give 'em the benefit of the doubt.

Further reading: Christian Science Montitor, Newsroom conservatives are a rare breed.

Keep your computer clean

You can number me among those who have lost an appalling amount of time eradicating spyware / malware from systems in my house. As a result, and because I am the kind of person who is often approached by others for computer advice, I'm going to offer what I've learned so far and save you the hours I spent learning it.

Also, rather than try to remember everything I've done when I'm at a friend's house swatting spies, I can put it here and follow the links from my own blog.

Your enemy's name is CoolWebSearch. There are others, but that's the best known. A Google search for that phrase will turn up some useful information and plenty of ranting from angry users. Fortunately, some effective eradication tools are available for free.

Step 1: CWShredder. This tool specifically targets CoolWebSearch, the most likely offender.

Step 2: Ad-Aware. Note that once this runs, if you just click the "continue" buttons, you won't have deleted anything, but "quarantined" it. This is intended as a feature, to prevent you from deleting legitimate program components (like virus scanners). It isn't intuitive that you have to right-click on the list of found bugs and choose "select all", then hit the "delete" button to actually delete them.

Step 3: SpyBot.

Step 4: Spy Sweeper.

All of the above offer paid subscription updates with ongoing activity monitors, like your virus scanner (you are using an anti-virus scanner, right?), but all have a version you can simply download and use. I've found no single tool that can catch everything, but these three, between them, caught everything I had.

Sometimes these tools will find each other. They'll tell you what to do if that happens.

Step 2 1/2: After each step, clean out your browser (delete all temporary files, cookies, and your history). This is where these insidious vermin hide pointers to themselves that allow them to re-infect your computer after you'd thought you'd deleted them. Reboot your computer. Yes, this means you'll do this four times.

Step 5: I strongly recommend you abandon Microsoft Internet Explorer and use Mozilla or Firefox as your default browser. Mozilla is the open-source version of the browser that used to be known as Netscape Navigator before AOL bought the company. Firefox is the beta-version next-generation Mozilla.

I don't wish to get involved in any religious arguments between Netscape/Mozilla users and MSIE users (and you Word vs WordPerfect zealots can keep it to yourselves, too). The reason I'm recommending this, though, is that Mozilla and Firefox have options (under Edit > Preferences > Privacy & Security in Mozilla, Tools > Options > Web Features in Firefox) to disable popup windows. This makes it more difficult for CWS and malware like it to hijack your browser, and in general makes for a more pleasant browsing experience.

Step 6: If you're still having problems, you (or your favorite computer guru) are going to have to open the Windows registry and kill 'em with your bare hands. That tutorial is beyond the scope of this entry. Danger, Will Robinson! :) One of the best summaries I've found is at The Collar Purple (no relation), but that particular blog isn't exactly Fun For The Entire Family (unless your family is a lot wilder than mine). And the individual entries don't have target URLs (you have to go to the May archive, linked above, and scroll to "Slaying the (CoolWebSearch) Dragon").

The President's Face

A Dog's Life | A Movie Not Made
Let's imagine it's November, 1944. Allied troops are bogged down in Northern Europe and Italy. A film maker, disgusted by the progress of the war in Europe, American war strategy ("Europe first") and American culture in general decides to make a movie to "speak truth to power" and counteract the propaganda coming from Hollywood.

Let's call his movie Celsius 127, a scathing documentary suggesting that President Roosevelt lied about keeping America out of the European conflict and withheld vital intelligence from commanders in Hawaii in order that the Japanese attack would be all the more devastating. With that, he could do what he always wanted to do: commit American troops and America's fortune against Germany.

Celsius 127 would relentlessly focus on every shortcoming of the U.S. Army, Navy and Air Corps. It would show that American troops were ill-trained, ill-equipped and ill-supplied, slaughtered in pointless attacks, guilty of atrocities against unarmed enemy troops that surrendered.

(Via Ipse Dixit.)

"There is no form of evidence which can be fully trusted."

USS Clueless | Notes on Press Bias
We citizens have to start thinking of news reporting as being about as reliable as advertising.

(See also previous entry.)

With friends like these, the Kerry Campaign doesn't need money

Weekly Standard | Michael Moore and Me
A FEW YEARS AGO Michael Moore, who's now promoting an anti-President Bush movie entitled Fahrenheit 9/11, announced he'd gotten the goods on me, indeed hung me out to dry on my own words. It was in his first bestselling book, Stupid White Men. Moore wrote he'd once been "forced" to listen to my comments on a TV chat show, The McLaughlin Group. I had whined "on and on about the sorry state of American education," Moore said, and wound up by bellowing: "These kids don't even know what The Iliad and The Odyssey are!"

Moore's interest was piqued, so the next day he said he called me. "Fred," he quoted himself as saying, "tell me what The Iliad and The Odyssey are." I started "hemming and hawing," Moore wrote. And then I said, according to Moore: "Well, they're . . . uh . . . you know . . . uh . . . okay, fine, you got me--I don't know what they're about. Happy now?" He'd smoked me out as a fraud, or maybe worse.

The only problem is none of this is true. It never happened. Moore is a liar. He made it up. It's a fabrication on two levels. One, I've never met Moore or even talked to him on the phone. And, two, I read both The Iliad and The Odyssey in my first year at the University of Virginia.

I don't know why anyone would be surprised by this. The only way to make the world look that simple, black or white, left or right, is to lie about it.

Which is not to say that Moore doesn't deserve the Palme d'Or. It doesn't mean he's right... but the fact that he's wrong makes him no less a skilled filmmaker.

I have just the person to look into Moore's lies and distortions. Al Franken has taken special interest in public liars, writing a bestseller called Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them. Al, the Moore case is now in your court.

Yeah, that'll happen. Michael Moore is a Big Fat Idiot. I'll look for that on the bestseller lists by Christmas.

Game the system

Yahoo (Chicago Tribune) | Kerry may delay nomination
Sen. John Kerry's campaign disclosed Friday it was mulling the extraordinary step of delaying by at least a month the Massachusetts Democrat's acceptance of his party's presidential nomination, a move meant to keep President Bush from enjoying a fundraising advantage.

...His campaign is considering the delay because of a disadvantage having to do with the scheduling of the political conventions this year and federal campaign financing laws.

Those laws require candidates opting for public financing of their general election campaigns to receive their money from the U.S. Treasury after their party's nominating convention.

For Kerry, that means he would be eligible for $75 million in public financing following the Democratic Convention in Boston, scheduled July 26-29.

The Republican convention in New York is to take place five weeks later, from Aug. 30 to Sept. 2, after which Bush would get his $75 million in taxpayer money.

The Democrats are worried because the Kerry campaign would have to make its public dollars last five weeks longer than the president's campaign would.

In addition, the Bush campaign could keep spending the large sums it has raised from private contributors up through the GOP convention. As of the end of April, the Bush campaign had raised a record $201 million.

The Kerry campaign, for its part, has had unexpected success in raising campaign funds from private contributors. By April's end, it had raised $117 million. So it would prefer to raise and spend such contributions as long as it legally can.

That would be unique, for the presumptive nominee not to show up at his party's convention. I guess there's nothing in the rules that forbid that.

The Democrats will just have to reschedule their convention to the same weekend as the Republicans. They might as well: Their guest of honor won't be there. I mean, really, does this inconvenience anybody? It's not like conflicting schedules or venues are a problem: They're in different cities, and none of the same people will be attending both, unless you count reporters.

On the other hand, the Democrats have now laid the groundwork to spend the next four years whining again about how President Bush wasn't elected. "He didn't win the presidency, he bought it."

LATER: It occurs to me that the Bush campaign can ignore the deadline, refuse the $75 million in federal campaign funds, and still be able to outspend the Kerry campaign. Perhaps the Democrats' best tactic is to find a way to shame the Bush campaign into doing just that, in the interest of "levelling the playing field".

The Democrats are going to severely tick off the press if their nominee doesn't intend to accept the nomination--unless that means the convention then gets to pick another nominee that will. Now that would be interesting.

LATER YET: I'm reminded that Dennis Kucinich is still running...

A prank? No! Do you think?

Yahoo (AP) | Porn Switched With School's Announcement
CHAMBLEE, Ga. - Some Chamblee High School students expecting to see the usual morning announcements instead glimpsed a hard-core prank Tuesday morning.

School administrators were trying to determine who swapped a pornographic videotape for the school announcements tape, sending the images out to several classrooms.

"Our children in our news class do a tape each morning of the Chamblee morning news, and they bring it to the media center, and our media center specialist puts it into the machine," said assistant principal Becky Chambers.

Before the program is broadcast, the media specialist leaves the media center and goes to the main office, to turn on an audio feed to two or three places in the high school that do not have closed-circuit televisions, Chambers said.

"In the seconds that it took her to walk out of her office and head up the hall, some student — we don't know who — took the tape out of the machine and inserted a very inappropriate tape," Chambers said.

"A couple of the classrooms — fortunately not all of them had it on — got a very inappropriate feed for a matter of some seconds before a teacher could fly up here and alert us and we could fly back down the hall and pull the tape out," she said.

One parent who complained characterized the tape as hard-core pornography, but Chambers said she didn't view the tape and couldn't confirm its contents. Administrators were watching security camera tapes to try to determine who made the switch.

Chambers said that with this being the last week of school, a senior prank "would be my best guess at this point."

Do you think they're trying too hard to convince the reporter that hardly anybody saw it anyway? I never saw people so determined to put distance between themselves and what happened.

Only a couple of the teachers bothered to have the morning announcement feed on?

The individual teachers have the capacity to turn off the morning announcements? No classroom I've ever been in had a switch on the speaker.

Where I've been

Those of you who know me in the Real World know (or can guess) some of it. Sick child, sick me, work deadlines, unpaid writing deadlines, the rush of school-related activities before the end of the semester, like that. I'm fine, though, and so is the family.

And this is news...how?

This is too easy.

The Independent | Moore accused of publicity stunt over Disney 'ban'
Less than 24 hours after accusing the Walt Disney Company of pulling the plug on his latest documentary in a blatant attempt at political censorship, the rabble-rousing film-maker Michael Moore has admitted he knew a year ago that Disney had no intention of distributing it.

The admission, during an interview with CNN, undermined Moore's claim that Disney was trying to sabotage the US release of Fahrenheit 911 just days before its world premiere at the Cannes film festival.

Instead, it lent credence to a growing suspicion that Moore was manufacturing a controversy to help publicise the film, a full-bore attack on the Bush administration and its handling of national security since the attacks of 11 September 2001.

Of all the people in this world who do not need to manufacture controversy...

Moore told CNN that Disney had "signed a contract to distribute this [film]" but got cold feet. But Disney executives insists there was never any contract. And a source close to Miramax said that the only deal there was for financing, not for distribution.

Read the fine print, Mike.

A front-page news piece in The New York Times was followed yesterday by an editorial denouncing Disney for censorship and denial of Moore's right to free expression.

Sigh. Memo to the New York Times: As much as the Disney company may wish it otherwise, Disney is not the government. Moore's failure to sell his product to Michael Eisner does not constitute "censorship". Even if Eisner did make his decision for political reasons.

Miramax paid to make the film: no "plug" has been pulled. I don't doubt someone will make an offer to distribute it.

Mark your calendars

Anime News Network | My Neighbor Totoro, Nausicaa, Porco Rosso Release Announcement
Walt Disney Home Entertainment and Studio Ghibli proudly present three animated masterpieces from Hayao Miyazaki, the genius filmmaker of “Spirited Away,” the Academy Award? winner for the Best Animated Feature Film of 2002. MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO, NAUSICAÄ OF THE VALLEY OF THE WIND and PORCO ROSSO will each be available for the first time on a 2-disc DVD on August 31. These remarkable films each include a brand-new, stellar English language voice cast and on DVD also feature the original Japanese language track; complete storyboards; featurettes that go behind the microphone and more, presented in a pristine digital picture for the best possible viewing experience. With a unique blend of entertaining storytelling, imagination, compelling characters and stunning artistry, each of these magical and mystical worlds will enchant and delight audiences of all ages.

Porco Rosso is the one that will blow you away.

The press release lists some of the cast, but not who's reading what. IMDB to the rescue. Michael Keaton is Porco Rosso, the Italian aviator who has "resigned from the human race" and become, literally, a pig. (Jean Reno did the French-language release: If only they'd got him for this one.) Susan Egan (Megara in Disney's "Hercules", Lin in "Spirited Away") is Gina, the woman who loves Porco, if he'd only let her. Cary Elwes ("The Princess Bride", "Robin Hood: Men in Tights", "Liar Liar") is Curtis, the rival American pilot who also has eyes for Gina. David Ogden Stiers is Grandpa Piccolo, who owns the shop where Porco's plane is repaired after his first run-in with Curtis.

But then, the disc will also include the original Japanese with English subtitles, so if you don't like this cast you don't have to listen to them. You'll want to see this either way.

Meirav was two

From Yourish.com (via Lileks).

Interesting use of the word "launch"

I had no idea it meant "buy."

CNN Money | Al Gore launches cable TV network
Former U.S. vice president Al Gore announced Tuesday that he and entrepreneur Joel Hyatt plan to launch their own cable television network by buying cable television channel NewsWorld International from Vivendi Universal for an undisclosed sum.

Gore is expected to be the chairman of the NWI board, while Hyatt will be running the company as the new cable network's chief executive officer, the company said.

... Newsworld International is a 24-hour channel broadcasting international news produced by the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. (CBC). It is distributed to about 17 million subscriber homes.

The programming on NWI will continue to be provided by CBC.

Al Gore and Joel Hyatt. There's a match made in heaven. Not a gnat's eyelash of charisma between them.

So, the programming won't change, only the ownership will. This reminds me of George Carlin's riff on an incurable disease with no known symptoms.

First Tab, then Diet Coke, now C2

RedNova | Coke and Pepsi to Face Off in Carb Battle
Coke and Pepsi, trying to put more fizz into their soda sales, are about to launch new brands that taste like their flagship drinks but contain half the sugar, carbs and calories.

... The new sodas are targeted at people who don't like the calories in regular colas but are dissatisfied with diet versions.

... The new drinks contain the standard high-fructose corn syrup that sweetens regular soda but in smaller amounts. The corn syrup is supplemented with Splenda, a no-calorie, no-carbohydrate sweetener made from sugar.

Yes, but will it come in de-caf?

LATER: Perhaps I should explain that Splenda is the Dreaded Purple iced tea and cereal sweetener of choice, and has been for almost two years now, and yes, a particular traumatic medical event had a lot to do with that. I can also recommend Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate, whose sugar-free product is sweetened with Splenda. (Sponsorship deals open to negotiation.)

Unasked-for advice

And remember, it's worth every penny.

Senator Kerry:

Bush/AWOL: It just plain makes you look disconnected to reopen the discussion at this late date. It's been pretty well documented by now that nobody is hiding anything about this issue. Nobody wants a disconnected President. Heck, nobody wants a disconnected Senator.

Ribbons Over the Fence: You're slow to get this particular clue, so I'll spell it out. It's a three part clue, so get an intern to help you take notes. (1) The issue has been present, but dormant, for as long as you've been in the public eye, not just this particular campaign. The person who re-opened it is you. Nobody else. (2) I think I understand the distinction you're drawing between throwing your ribbons over the fence and throwing your medals over the fence. I think a lot of people don't: I think you're not presenting it well. It makes you look like you can't pick a story and stick to it, and your campaign doesn't need that. (3) I don't care. I don't think anybody cares. It doesn't matter to me if you threw your medals, ribbons, or uniform over the fence. I don't care if you threw your boat over the fence. What you say, here and now, matters to me much more than what you did thirty years ago. So say something good. Quit addressing old, tired pseudo-controversies and tell me what you intend to do.

If you dare.

If you know.

PS. Meet the Press. Video: You in 1971, saying how ashamed you were of what you did in Vietnam. Russert, now: "You committed atrocities." You, now: "Where did all that dark hair go, Tim? That’s a big question for me." What were you thinking? Who did you imagine would be amused by that? Is that how seriously you take this?

Just trying to help

IMAO | Frank Suggestions to Improve John Kerry's Campaignt
Yes, I want the Democrats to lose, and to lose so big it wipes out their "Bush was selected not elected" delirium. So big that they cry. So big that they actually follow through on their threats to move to France. Still, I just can't stand idly by and watch a train wreck, so here are my ideas to help the Kerry campaign:

* Get Rid of the French-Lookingness: This is a hard one, but essential. Instead of a suit, wear a leather jacket and sunglasses. Mess up that thousand dollar haircut of yours. Then, grow some stubble. If you can't grow stubble because of that Botox stuff, then have a Hollywood makeup artist give you some.

Maybe a mustache. A big, bushy Tom Selleck mustache.

* No More Mentioning That You Served Vietnam: Okay, dude, we all know you served in Vietnam and are getting tired of you bringing it up, but there's a better way to mention it. Instead of saying, "By the way, I served in Vietnam", phrase instead as "I've killed people before." Said in a low, menacing voice, it's also a good dodge to questions.

And maybe a scar across one cheek.

"You're assuming that you represent the public."

Ah. I should have been paying attention back in August.

...a reporter said to him: Mr. President, is it really true you don't read the press or watch us on television? And he said no. And the reporter then said: Well, how do you then know, Mr. President, what the public is thinking? And Bush, without missing a beat said: You're making a powerful assumption, young man. You're assuming that you represent the public. I don't accept that.

I followed the link back from Instapundit to PressThink to WNYC. You can too.

It occurs to me (and it seems not to occur to anyone else) that "I don't accept that" doesn't mean that the press never represents the public, words many pundits seem eager to put in the President's mouth. It means that it can't be assumed that they do. It means that each question they ask must be judged on its own merit.

It should be remembered that the White House press corps talks mostly to each other and the White House Press Secretary's office. They're no more experts on what The Public wants than the President is.

(Tangent: The side trip to PressThink also brought me to this tribute to Neil Postman, who died last year.)

Weekend Update

Whittier Daily News | PETA to unleash activists in protest
EL MONTE -- Will animal-rights activists bark up the wrong tree today?

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is planning a "snarl-in' protest today at noon in front of House of Pets, 3836 N. Peck Road.

The action is designed to convince consumers not to purchase Iams pet food. Iams mistreats dogs and cats in its laboratories, PETA activists say.

But House of Pets does not carry Iams products, said store owner Myra Larkin.

"We never have and never will,' Larkin said. "For the same reasons as (PETA) believes.'

Never let the truth get in the way of a good photo op.

WSOC-TV | Gang Concerns Prompt School T-Shirt Ban
A Charlotte-Mecklenburg middle school has banned students from wearing solid color T-shirts.

The principal at Northridge Middle School sent a letter to parents on Thursday saying that groups of students have begun wearing white and pink T-shirts that could be a system to identify different gangs.

"We're not saying there are gangs at the school, but we are saying there had been some rumors and there were some students who were concerned and some discussions about not coming to school because they didn't feel safe," said CMS spokeswoman Jerri Haigler.

CMS brought in extra police and extra campus security officers to ease concerns.

Students were checked for solid color T-shirts as they entered the building and officials say they found several students in violation of the policy.

The students were given a school T-shirt to wear in class.

They're banning any solid color shirts? And they're giving away school tees to offenders? Is this a security measure or a promotional gimmick?

The time has come to start a new movement: Naked School.

Missed opportunities

Careful what you ask for...

ScrappleFace | Bush Admits Mistakes, Apologizes
I have made mistakes during my time in the White House. I frittered away months trying to convince the United Nations that it should free the Iraqi people from a brutal dictator who never fulfilled the terms of surrender from the Gulf War and who continued to fire upon Coalition aircraft patrolling the no-fly zone.

... I'd also like to admit that it was a mistake to think that I could make friends with the Democrats by pouring funding into their top political agency, the National Education Association, or by creating a huge new medicare prescription drug entitlement. I can see now that no matter how often and how much you feed an alligator, he's always looking past the food in your hand and hankering for your arm, your heart, your head. My mistake...and I'm truly sorry.

Missed one. "And, of course, it was a mistake to expect straight questions and fairly reported answers from the White House press corps. I assumed they saw themselves as observers and ombudsmen rather than as an openly hostile fourth branch of government. This I regret deeply."

Radio Free America

Chicago Tribune (requires registration, sigh) | Liberal talk radio must find new Chicago station
It was on, then it was off, then it was on again, and now it will be off again.

Air America Radio, the recently launched liberal talk-radio network that became embroiled last week in a financial dispute with the owner of its Chicago and Los Angeles stations, will broadcast over WNTD-950 AM in Chicago for the last time on April 30, the network said today.

The network also said it will remain off the air for the time being in Los Angeles, where it was yanked off its station there, KBLA-1580, last week by owner Multicultural News Radio.

The announcement settles an acrimonious legal and public relations battle between Air America and Multicultural. It also means that Air America must seek new homes in the nation's second and third-largest markets less than three weeks into its short life.

"We are pleased that we reached a negotiated settlement," said David Goodfriend, executive vice president and general counsel of Air America, in a terse statement. No Air America executives would comment further.

I'll bet.

Well. That was fast. (See the Smoking Gun for details of the lawsuit they're no longer pursuing.)

There are three ways to get a radio show on the air. One is to convince your affiliates to pay you for it. That's extremely difficult to pull off, and generally requires a track record. Only the biggest names are in enough demand to get away with it.

The second is a barter system, where the syndicator provide the station with programming for a share of the advertising time: The station sells their minutes, the syndicator sells theirs, and each keeps their money. That's how ARTC did it, in the good old days of the "Atlanta Radio Theatre Hour" on WGST.

The third way is for the program provider to just flat-out buy the whole hour (or three) from the station. The syndicator gets to keep all the advertising revenue...if they manage to sell any. It's a great way to lose your shirt if your sponsors let you down (which, faced with the dearth of information coming from Air America, I can only assume is what happened).

SmartMoney | Liberal Radio Network Yanked
Arthur Liu, owner of Multicultural Radio Broadcasting Inc. (MCRBI.XX), which owns Air America affiliates WNTD-950 AM in Chicago and KBLA-1580 AM in Los Angeles, said Air America bounced a check and owes him more than $1 million, the paper reported.

According to the Tribune, Liu said his company had entered into an agreement with Air America in which the network essentially was renting Multicultural's airtime.

Liu declined to say how much Multicultural is owed but did say he is holding $1 million checks that Air America has asked him not to cash, according to the report.

Air America Chairman Evan Cohen was quoted as saying the allegations are an "outright lie."
... The network used its other radio stations as platforms to attack Liu, the paper said.

According to the Tribune, Air America Vice President and General Counsel David Goodfriend appeared on the network to accuse Liu of essentially stealing from Air America by reselling airtime on KBLA to third parties that the network had already purchased.

Goodfriend was quoted as saying that he learned last week that Liu and Multicultural had been "double-dipping," selling the same airtime to others. As a result, the Tribune reported, the network declined to make payments for KBLA unless Multicultural credited Air America for the extra money Multicultural made. Goodfriend was quoted as saying that Air America didn't bounce any checks.

The key to Air America's problems, I think, lie in Smartmoney's description of the organization as a "start-up network." The Demon Limbaugh, the Anti-Christ Hannity, and the rest of the hated conservative voices on national talk radio didn't just happen: They had plenty of experience running talk shows in local markets (Limbaugh makes no secret of his Sacramento roots and his Missouri home: Hannity, in fact, used to be here in Atlanta), getting a feel for what people like to listen to and how they like to be treated, before WABC offered them to a national audience. There's a lot more to it than being able to talk for three hours straight.

Please note that I'm not criticizing the content. I can't: I haven't heard it. They're not on the air here. Franken and Garafalo are not idiots. (Well, not usually. Taking this gig wasn't one of their smarter moves.) Had Air America gone about it a little differently--say, focused on a single three-hour show, co-hosted by Franken and Garafalo (the network's most recognizable names), with the other hosts as daily or occasional correspondents--they could have produced something unlike anything else on the dial. What I'm thinking of is sort-of a talk radio version of Comedy Central's "Daily Show". Heck, I might have listened to that. Get Paula Poundstone to do the occasional interview with a newsmaker or two and I definitely would have.

But somebody in this organization decided that being a modest success with room to grow wasn't enough.

And the key is under the mat

Security Pipeline | Will Trade Passwords For Chocolate
Almost three quarters of office workers in an impromptu man-on-the-street survey were willing to give up their passwords when offered the bribe of a chocolate bar.

... Some 37 percent of workers surveyed immediately gave their password. If they initially refused, researchers used social engineering tactics, such as suggesting that the password has to do with a pet or children's name. An additional 34 percent revealed their passwords at that point.

The company said: "Of the 172 office workers surveyed many explained the origin of their passwords, such as 'my team - Spurs,' 'my name - Charlie,' 'my car -minicooper,' 'my cat's name - Tinks.' The most common password categories were family names such as partners or children (15%), followed by football teams (11%), and pets (8%). The most common password was 'admin.' One interviewee said, 'I work in a financial call center, our password changes daily, but I do not have a problem remembering it as it is written on the board so that every one can see it.... I think they rub it off before the cleaners arrive."

You think?

And then there's the ever-popular "password".

Forget it, AJC

I'm probably the last to learn this: The Atlanta Journal-Constitution now requires registration to see anything older than today's paper online. When you try to go to yesterday's front page, it asks you for your first name and an e-mail address. Well, fine. How much harm can they do with that? Especially since I keep a junk e-mail address to give to people I really don't want to hear from. Fine. It's annoying, but fine. I give them that and move on.

The next screen is where my resentment boils over. It asks for the same information again... plus a last name, plus a password, year of birth, sex, household income, home address, home phone, "How you use the Journal-Constitution" (which is to say, which subscription option do you use), interests, and opt-ins for nine e-mail newsletters.

I have no idea what the next screen says.

I'm not opposed to registration per se, but I already get far too many subscription soliciations from the AJC. If I fill this thing out, it'll almost certainly count as permission to call me. (Why else would they ask for a phone number, unless they intended to use it?) They have been losing subscribers steadily for years, and rather than actually make the paper better, they're pushing their sales staff harder. This is not a business model I care to encourage.

LATER: I guess I should have poked around more. The AJC now stops you at the main page: Without registration you go no further. There are much better newspapers on the web that require much less information to let you in. Even the local alternative weekly, Creative Loafing (now 1/3 owned by Cox, the same monopoly that owns the AJC), doesn't say a word. But then, being free, they never pretended to be anything other than advertiser-supported. The AJC still allows its readers to cling to the illusion that they matter.

Headed for the mountains?

Montana Standard | A call in the wilderness: Cell phones are showing up in national parks, places people go to get away
When Sean Morrissey scaled California's 14,491-foot Mount Whitney for the first time a few years ago, he couldn't wait to take in the view. A woman who made the climb at the same time couldn't wait to dial her cell phone.

"This one woman was making call after call," said Morrissey, who is from Los Gatos, Calif. "It seemed very out of place. It seemed out of place to go through all that effort to make an outbound call."

Cell phones have long been virtually unavoidable on city streets and in shopping malls. But they now are showing up in some of the very places people go to get away from it all: national parks.

For park managers, this is a challenge. Officials with the National Park Service say they want to meet the needs of visitors and provide for their safety. But they also must protect the park and the visitor experience. And there is no set policy on how to strike this balance.

As luck would have it, I am headed for the mountains this weekend. As further luck would have it, I already know my cell phone doesn't work where I'm going. Isn't that just too bad?

LATER: Shows what I know. Apparently T-Mobile built a tower since I was there last.

War crime

Yahoo (AP) | Kilt-Wearing Marine Plays Bagpipes in Iraq
FALLUJAH, Iraq - Amid the clatter of gunfire and explosions that regularly rock this city, an unexpected sound rises over the front line — bagpipes.

Dressed in Marine fatigues with his gun at his side, 1st Sgt. Dwayne Farr, 36, blows into his set of pipes. The plaintive wail is carried by the wind that whips across this dust-blown, war-torn town.

"Playing on the battlefield — I never thought that would happen," Farr said.

Haven't the people of Iraq suffered enough?

Getting too serious around here

Wall Street Journal | Only in the Star! Demi Moore's Brown Dress Turns White!
There's actress Demi Moore with her young beau, Ashton Kutcher. He's in a white suit. She's wearing a sexy fitted dress -- also white. They appear on the cover of this week's recently renovated Star magazine, which declares: "$1 Million Wedding of the Year!"

At first glance, it's just another day in celebrity journalism, an area that has heated up recently as more magazines go head to head with glossy photos, breathless captions and enticing covers about the stars.

But here's the shocking, scandalous truth: The dress Ms. Moore is wearing on Star's cover isn't really white. It's a deep chocolate brown. ...Mr. Kutcher, by the way, wasn't wearing white that day, either. His suit was pink, thank you very much.

Star's competitors were quick to distance themselves from the color switch. "Fabricating images is one way to lose all readers' trust very quickly," said US Weekly Editor in Chief Janice Min. "I feel very strongly about it."

...The faux-nuptial makeover illustrates how easily editors can use Photoshop and other digital programs to tweak celebrity images in the most competitive sector of the magazine business.

Water, wet and otherwise

WPVI | When "Water" Isn't Wet
During Tuesday's Good Morning America, a representative of Tyco Fire and Security displayed the amazing properties of the chemical that's called "Sapphire."

The chemical has all the firefighting properties of water, yet it will not cause the damage to items that is usually associated with water.

There are still pictures from GMA, where a working, powered-up laptop and flat-screen television were submerged in this stuff--and continued to work. So, apparently, in addition to not being "wet", it isn't an electrical hazard either.


I know from experience that Atlanta firefighters already treat their water with a chemical that makes it less "wet". After our 1999 house fire, relatively few of our belongings actually suffered fire damage. It was all water damage from this treated water, which corrodes metal within minutes. "Sapphire", if it works as shown and is economical enough to actually use, is a miracle.

LATER: As John pointed out, I am wrong. The Atlanta Fire Department's chemicals make water "wetter". Hm. One of these days, when I need to be distracted from a root canal or something, I need to look into this. I mean, I understand that "wetter" water puts out fires better, and "less wet" water does less property damage, but I see a conflict coming. Plain old water begins to look like a decent compromise. Perhaps, as Jake said, it has something to do with how it's applied, and to what kind of property.

Crisis over, everyone back to work

Tennesseean | Senate to allow unrestrained dogs in truck beds

Equal opportunity ridicule

How... educational

Houston Chronicle | Fair, balanced conservative manifesto
Some conservatives will argue that the preceding does not represent true conservatism, but that is an argument they will have to take up with their fellow conservatives.

You mean you're not really listening anyway? Well, we knew that, but it's novel and courageous of you to admit it for a change.

And they call Rush Limbaugh arrogant.

TEN ARTICLES OF LIBERAL/PROGRESSIVE FAITH

Republicans lie.
They lie about everything. They lie about anything. They lie because... well, because they can. No explanation is really necessary, it's just who they are. I mean, they have so much reason to. If they said what they really thought, then everyone (not just the Democrats) would know them for the hatemongering, bigoted liars they are. Which everyone--well, everyone who matters--knows anyway, so there's really no point.

Democrats don't lie.
Ever. Why should we? The truth is on our side. In fact, everything we say is, by definition, the truth. We contradict ourselves only in trivial ways that should be beneath anyone's notice.

Republicans all think the same way.
They march in lockstep behind Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson. They are white, racist (although those two labels are actually redundant), rich, and fundamentalist Christian. And, if truth be told, not very bright.

Democrats are a loose association of individual free thinkers.
Of course, this handicaps us in the political arena, since our message is of necessity diluted by our diversity. It does make it easier to attract large numbers of people to protest rallies, though (the better to generate press coverage), since the attendees may be there for a hundred or more different causes.

Any attempt by a Republican to refute a statement made by a Democrat is motivated by hatred.
It must be very frustrating to be so wrong all the time. The stress would get to anybody after a while. We wouldn't know, of course, because we're never wrong, but we're very compassionate toward our deluded, brain-damaged, idiot, hateful colleagues. Someday we'll put a halt to their intolerance--for their own good, of course.

Democrats don't hate anybody.
Not even the drunken neo-Nazi Genghis Bushitler. Not even that pot smoking, draft-dodging adulterer Newt Gingrich. (We would make a cute derogatory joke of Newt's name, but it looks like his mom beat us to it.) Therefore, since we are motivated not by hatred but by public service, and only speak the truth (see point two), nothing we ever say is hate speech, and we can say anything we want.

Anyone to the right of Al Franken is an arch-conservative.
There is no such thing as an arch-liberal. In fact, there's no such thing as a liberal at all. That's just a name Republicans call us to be hateful, like "politically correct". We are moderate. We are progressive. We are, in short, Just People. Normal. Average.

In your heart, you know we're right.
By which we mean we're smarter than you. And you know it. When you disagree with us, it's because you don't have all the facts: If you had, you'd know we were right. Or maybe you do have all the facts, and you're faking it in order to make conversations more interesting. In which case you really don't have to bother. You don't have to pretend to disagree with us. We love being told what we already know, that we're right. Who could get tired of the truth? Did we mention we're smarter than you?

We deserve to be in charge.
After all, clearly the most intelligent person should be in charge, and, well, just look at the Republicans. Isn't it obvious? All teachers and college professors are Democrats. These are people who make their living (meager though it is) being smart. Obviously they know something you don't. If the wrong people were in charge, they might break something. Worse yet, they might cut taxes.

Al Gore won the 2000 election fair and square.
However, the election was stolen from him by the Supreme Court. Therefore, anything we do to reverse that situation is lawful, moral, and our "sacred" duty. (We don't really believe in the word "sacred": We just use it so you'll know what we mean. Being less intelligent and all.) There is no such thing as an inappropriate or excessive criticism of B*sh.

Comedy is too delicate to leave to amateurs.

Gosh, Hermione...

Emma Watson and the entire Scooby... er, Hogwarty gang.

A little more vaseline on the lens, please

TIME | For TV Stars, High Def Is Dicey
As the number of shows filmed in HDTV grows, actors and actresses are facing the ugly truth: HDTV gives new meaning to the word close-up. In high definition, no wart, wrinkle or blemish is safe from the camera's eye, forcing makeup artists to scramble for cover-ups. "Everything shows," says veteran sitcom makeup man Tommy Cole. "Everything is clearer, and the contrast is sharper. Some people are very worried."

Nowhere was the downside of high definition more apparent than at the Academy Awards in February, when the few viewers with HDTV caught Hollywood's biggest stars working the red carpet. By some accounts, actor-producer Michael Douglas, 59, ruggedly handsome on film, became downright old, especially next to his high-def-defying spouse Catherine Zeta-Jones, 34.

But surely there are people who look good in HD...

TV Predictions | HDTV Goes to See Britney Spears
At the tender age of 22, Spears doesn't have to worry about crow's feet yet. However, during tonight's concert in Miami, she looked like she hadn't slept in days. Her face was bumpy and puffy, making her appear five to ten years older than her years.

The pop princess, who reportedly has been partying hard at night spots across the globe, simply didn't look very healthy tonight under the naked lens of high-def.

... Interestingly, Showtime featured very few close-ups of Spears' face, opting mostly to display long shots of the singer shaking her booty during long dance numbers. ... However, to make matters worse, it appears that Spears has put on a few pounds, particularly in her legs. Although still charming and appealing, she doesn't possess the physical sizzle in HDTV that she exhibits in her music videos such as "Toxic."

And speaking of music, judging from the audio of my Surround Sound system, many of her live renditions tonight appeared to be lip-synched.

Who looks better / Who looks worse?

"I love my cigar, too, but..."

Yahoo (AP) | Mom With 14 Kids, One on the Way, Honored
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - With her 14 children in tow and pregnant with her 15th, Michelle Duggar waddled into Arkansas' Capitol on Wednesday to accept the state's Young Mother award.

"We're going from diapers right up to driver's ed," she said with a smile.

Duggar, 37, who home schools her children and is helping to build a new home from the ground up, started having her babies when she was 21, four years after she married former state Rep. Jim Bob Duggar.

"We're letting the Lord give us the gifts that he wants to give us and I'm open to more gifts," she said. "I'll take them one at a time or two at a time."

The offspring include two sets of twins, and the parents have stuck to the letter "J" when it comes picking names. There is Joshua, 16; Jana and John-David, 14; Jill, 12; Jessa, 11; Jinger, 10; Joseph, 9; Josiah, 7; Joy-Anna, 6; Jeremiah and Jedidiah, 5; Jason, 3; James, 2 and Justin, 1.

The new baby is due in two months and is most likely a boy. They plan to name him Jackson.

No word on the whereabouts of neighbor Ferd Berfle. (Never mind, the joke, such as it is, is 35 years old. And the one in the title is even older.)

Not just no...

Yahoo (Reuters) | Eeeyew!!!!
Body piercing and tattoos make way. The latest fashion trend to hit the Netherlands is eyeball jewelry.

Dutch eye surgeons have implanted tiny pieces of jewelry called "JewelEye" in the mucous membrane of the eyes of six women and one man in cosmetic surgery pioneered by an ophthalmic surgery research and development institute in Rotterdam.

The procedure involves inserting a 3.5 mm (0.13 inch) wide 1 piece of specially developed jewelry -- the range includes a glittering half-moon or heart -- into the eye's mucous membrane under local anaesthetic at a cost of 500 to 1,000 euros ($1,232).

There's a picture...

PETA seasonal prank

Really, I'd intended to retire PETA from the rotation, but you just can't ignore The Cow Pope. "What hope do animals have in the Catholic Church to save them?" (Thanks, Ron. I think.)

I guess after seeing how the "Holocaust on Your Plate" thing ticked off Jews, they thought Christians might feel left out.

Why not go for a clean sweep and make an ad portraying Mohammed as a pig? (Ah. I see why, now. There are some lines even PETA knows better than to cross.)

On the other hand, just to be as fair-minded as I can possibly be, here's PETA's Bunny Fever. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

What's the date again?

New Scientist | Smell cannon targets virtual reality users
A new device can track an individual, shoot an aroma directly at their nose, and leave the person next to them completely unaffected.

The air cannon was developed by Yasuyuki Yanagi and his colleagues at the Advanced Telecommunications Research Institute in Kyoto, Japan, as a technique for directing evocative smells to people exploring virtual-reality environments. The driver of a car simulator, for example, might sniff petrol as they drive into a filling station or freshly cut grass as they pass a sports field.

Saw it at Dottocomu.

Google | Google Gets the Message, Launches Gmail
Amidst rampant media speculation, Google Inc. today announced it is testing a preview release of Gmail – a free search-based webmail service with a storage capacity of up to eight billion bits of information, the equivalent of 500,000 pages of email. Per user.

The inspiration for Gmail came from a Google user complaining about the poor quality of existing email services, recalled Larry Page, Google co-founder and president, Products. "She kvetched about spending all her time filing messages or trying to find them," Page said. "And when she's not doing that, she has to delete email like crazy to stay under the obligatory four megabyte limit. So she asked, 'Can't you people fix this?'"

The idea that there could be a better way to handle email caught the attention of a Google engineer who thought it might be a good "20 percent time" project. (Google requires engineers to spend a day a week on projects that interest them, unrelated to their day jobs). Millions of M&Ms later, Gmail was born.

LATER: You mean Gmail is real? C'mon. I mean... C'mon.