Unasked-for advice

And remember, it's worth every penny.

Senator Kerry:

Bush/AWOL: It just plain makes you look disconnected to reopen the discussion at this late date. It's been pretty well documented by now that nobody is hiding anything about this issue. Nobody wants a disconnected President. Heck, nobody wants a disconnected Senator.

Ribbons Over the Fence: You're slow to get this particular clue, so I'll spell it out. It's a three part clue, so get an intern to help you take notes. (1) The issue has been present, but dormant, for as long as you've been in the public eye, not just this particular campaign. The person who re-opened it is you. Nobody else. (2) I think I understand the distinction you're drawing between throwing your ribbons over the fence and throwing your medals over the fence. I think a lot of people don't: I think you're not presenting it well. It makes you look like you can't pick a story and stick to it, and your campaign doesn't need that. (3) I don't care. I don't think anybody cares. It doesn't matter to me if you threw your medals, ribbons, or uniform over the fence. I don't care if you threw your boat over the fence. What you say, here and now, matters to me much more than what you did thirty years ago. So say something good. Quit addressing old, tired pseudo-controversies and tell me what you intend to do.

If you dare.

If you know.

PS. Meet the Press. Video: You in 1971, saying how ashamed you were of what you did in Vietnam. Russert, now: "You committed atrocities." You, now: "Where did all that dark hair go, Tim? That’s a big question for me." What were you thinking? Who did you imagine would be amused by that? Is that how seriously you take this?

Just trying to help

IMAO | Frank Suggestions to Improve John Kerry's Campaignt
Yes, I want the Democrats to lose, and to lose so big it wipes out their "Bush was selected not elected" delirium. So big that they cry. So big that they actually follow through on their threats to move to France. Still, I just can't stand idly by and watch a train wreck, so here are my ideas to help the Kerry campaign:

* Get Rid of the French-Lookingness: This is a hard one, but essential. Instead of a suit, wear a leather jacket and sunglasses. Mess up that thousand dollar haircut of yours. Then, grow some stubble. If you can't grow stubble because of that Botox stuff, then have a Hollywood makeup artist give you some.

Maybe a mustache. A big, bushy Tom Selleck mustache.

* No More Mentioning That You Served Vietnam: Okay, dude, we all know you served in Vietnam and are getting tired of you bringing it up, but there's a better way to mention it. Instead of saying, "By the way, I served in Vietnam", phrase instead as "I've killed people before." Said in a low, menacing voice, it's also a good dodge to questions.

And maybe a scar across one cheek.

"You're assuming that you represent the public."

Ah. I should have been paying attention back in August.

...a reporter said to him: Mr. President, is it really true you don't read the press or watch us on television? And he said no. And the reporter then said: Well, how do you then know, Mr. President, what the public is thinking? And Bush, without missing a beat said: You're making a powerful assumption, young man. You're assuming that you represent the public. I don't accept that.

I followed the link back from Instapundit to PressThink to WNYC. You can too.

It occurs to me (and it seems not to occur to anyone else) that "I don't accept that" doesn't mean that the press never represents the public, words many pundits seem eager to put in the President's mouth. It means that it can't be assumed that they do. It means that each question they ask must be judged on its own merit.

It should be remembered that the White House press corps talks mostly to each other and the White House Press Secretary's office. They're no more experts on what The Public wants than the President is.

(Tangent: The side trip to PressThink also brought me to this tribute to Neil Postman, who died last year.)

Weekend Update

Whittier Daily News | PETA to unleash activists in protest
EL MONTE -- Will animal-rights activists bark up the wrong tree today?

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is planning a "snarl-in' protest today at noon in front of House of Pets, 3836 N. Peck Road.

The action is designed to convince consumers not to purchase Iams pet food. Iams mistreats dogs and cats in its laboratories, PETA activists say.

But House of Pets does not carry Iams products, said store owner Myra Larkin.

"We never have and never will,' Larkin said. "For the same reasons as (PETA) believes.'

Never let the truth get in the way of a good photo op.

WSOC-TV | Gang Concerns Prompt School T-Shirt Ban
A Charlotte-Mecklenburg middle school has banned students from wearing solid color T-shirts.

The principal at Northridge Middle School sent a letter to parents on Thursday saying that groups of students have begun wearing white and pink T-shirts that could be a system to identify different gangs.

"We're not saying there are gangs at the school, but we are saying there had been some rumors and there were some students who were concerned and some discussions about not coming to school because they didn't feel safe," said CMS spokeswoman Jerri Haigler.

CMS brought in extra police and extra campus security officers to ease concerns.

Students were checked for solid color T-shirts as they entered the building and officials say they found several students in violation of the policy.

The students were given a school T-shirt to wear in class.

They're banning any solid color shirts? And they're giving away school tees to offenders? Is this a security measure or a promotional gimmick?

The time has come to start a new movement: Naked School.

Missed opportunities

Careful what you ask for...

ScrappleFace | Bush Admits Mistakes, Apologizes
I have made mistakes during my time in the White House. I frittered away months trying to convince the United Nations that it should free the Iraqi people from a brutal dictator who never fulfilled the terms of surrender from the Gulf War and who continued to fire upon Coalition aircraft patrolling the no-fly zone.

... I'd also like to admit that it was a mistake to think that I could make friends with the Democrats by pouring funding into their top political agency, the National Education Association, or by creating a huge new medicare prescription drug entitlement. I can see now that no matter how often and how much you feed an alligator, he's always looking past the food in your hand and hankering for your arm, your heart, your head. My mistake...and I'm truly sorry.

Missed one. "And, of course, it was a mistake to expect straight questions and fairly reported answers from the White House press corps. I assumed they saw themselves as observers and ombudsmen rather than as an openly hostile fourth branch of government. This I regret deeply."

Radio Free America

Chicago Tribune (requires registration, sigh) | Liberal talk radio must find new Chicago station
It was on, then it was off, then it was on again, and now it will be off again.

Air America Radio, the recently launched liberal talk-radio network that became embroiled last week in a financial dispute with the owner of its Chicago and Los Angeles stations, will broadcast over WNTD-950 AM in Chicago for the last time on April 30, the network said today.

The network also said it will remain off the air for the time being in Los Angeles, where it was yanked off its station there, KBLA-1580, last week by owner Multicultural News Radio.

The announcement settles an acrimonious legal and public relations battle between Air America and Multicultural. It also means that Air America must seek new homes in the nation's second and third-largest markets less than three weeks into its short life.

"We are pleased that we reached a negotiated settlement," said David Goodfriend, executive vice president and general counsel of Air America, in a terse statement. No Air America executives would comment further.

I'll bet.

Well. That was fast. (See the Smoking Gun for details of the lawsuit they're no longer pursuing.)

There are three ways to get a radio show on the air. One is to convince your affiliates to pay you for it. That's extremely difficult to pull off, and generally requires a track record. Only the biggest names are in enough demand to get away with it.

The second is a barter system, where the syndicator provide the station with programming for a share of the advertising time: The station sells their minutes, the syndicator sells theirs, and each keeps their money. That's how ARTC did it, in the good old days of the "Atlanta Radio Theatre Hour" on WGST.

The third way is for the program provider to just flat-out buy the whole hour (or three) from the station. The syndicator gets to keep all the advertising revenue...if they manage to sell any. It's a great way to lose your shirt if your sponsors let you down (which, faced with the dearth of information coming from Air America, I can only assume is what happened).

SmartMoney | Liberal Radio Network Yanked
Arthur Liu, owner of Multicultural Radio Broadcasting Inc. (MCRBI.XX), which owns Air America affiliates WNTD-950 AM in Chicago and KBLA-1580 AM in Los Angeles, said Air America bounced a check and owes him more than $1 million, the paper reported.

According to the Tribune, Liu said his company had entered into an agreement with Air America in which the network essentially was renting Multicultural's airtime.

Liu declined to say how much Multicultural is owed but did say he is holding $1 million checks that Air America has asked him not to cash, according to the report.

Air America Chairman Evan Cohen was quoted as saying the allegations are an "outright lie."
... The network used its other radio stations as platforms to attack Liu, the paper said.

According to the Tribune, Air America Vice President and General Counsel David Goodfriend appeared on the network to accuse Liu of essentially stealing from Air America by reselling airtime on KBLA to third parties that the network had already purchased.

Goodfriend was quoted as saying that he learned last week that Liu and Multicultural had been "double-dipping," selling the same airtime to others. As a result, the Tribune reported, the network declined to make payments for KBLA unless Multicultural credited Air America for the extra money Multicultural made. Goodfriend was quoted as saying that Air America didn't bounce any checks.

The key to Air America's problems, I think, lie in Smartmoney's description of the organization as a "start-up network." The Demon Limbaugh, the Anti-Christ Hannity, and the rest of the hated conservative voices on national talk radio didn't just happen: They had plenty of experience running talk shows in local markets (Limbaugh makes no secret of his Sacramento roots and his Missouri home: Hannity, in fact, used to be here in Atlanta), getting a feel for what people like to listen to and how they like to be treated, before WABC offered them to a national audience. There's a lot more to it than being able to talk for three hours straight.

Please note that I'm not criticizing the content. I can't: I haven't heard it. They're not on the air here. Franken and Garafalo are not idiots. (Well, not usually. Taking this gig wasn't one of their smarter moves.) Had Air America gone about it a little differently--say, focused on a single three-hour show, co-hosted by Franken and Garafalo (the network's most recognizable names), with the other hosts as daily or occasional correspondents--they could have produced something unlike anything else on the dial. What I'm thinking of is sort-of a talk radio version of Comedy Central's "Daily Show". Heck, I might have listened to that. Get Paula Poundstone to do the occasional interview with a newsmaker or two and I definitely would have.

But somebody in this organization decided that being a modest success with room to grow wasn't enough.

And the key is under the mat

Security Pipeline | Will Trade Passwords For Chocolate
Almost three quarters of office workers in an impromptu man-on-the-street survey were willing to give up their passwords when offered the bribe of a chocolate bar.

... Some 37 percent of workers surveyed immediately gave their password. If they initially refused, researchers used social engineering tactics, such as suggesting that the password has to do with a pet or children's name. An additional 34 percent revealed their passwords at that point.

The company said: "Of the 172 office workers surveyed many explained the origin of their passwords, such as 'my team - Spurs,' 'my name - Charlie,' 'my car -minicooper,' 'my cat's name - Tinks.' The most common password categories were family names such as partners or children (15%), followed by football teams (11%), and pets (8%). The most common password was 'admin.' One interviewee said, 'I work in a financial call center, our password changes daily, but I do not have a problem remembering it as it is written on the board so that every one can see it.... I think they rub it off before the cleaners arrive."

You think?

And then there's the ever-popular "password".

Forget it, AJC

I'm probably the last to learn this: The Atlanta Journal-Constitution now requires registration to see anything older than today's paper online. When you try to go to yesterday's front page, it asks you for your first name and an e-mail address. Well, fine. How much harm can they do with that? Especially since I keep a junk e-mail address to give to people I really don't want to hear from. Fine. It's annoying, but fine. I give them that and move on.

The next screen is where my resentment boils over. It asks for the same information again... plus a last name, plus a password, year of birth, sex, household income, home address, home phone, "How you use the Journal-Constitution" (which is to say, which subscription option do you use), interests, and opt-ins for nine e-mail newsletters.

I have no idea what the next screen says.

I'm not opposed to registration per se, but I already get far too many subscription soliciations from the AJC. If I fill this thing out, it'll almost certainly count as permission to call me. (Why else would they ask for a phone number, unless they intended to use it?) They have been losing subscribers steadily for years, and rather than actually make the paper better, they're pushing their sales staff harder. This is not a business model I care to encourage.

LATER: I guess I should have poked around more. The AJC now stops you at the main page: Without registration you go no further. There are much better newspapers on the web that require much less information to let you in. Even the local alternative weekly, Creative Loafing (now 1/3 owned by Cox, the same monopoly that owns the AJC), doesn't say a word. But then, being free, they never pretended to be anything other than advertiser-supported. The AJC still allows its readers to cling to the illusion that they matter.

Headed for the mountains?

Montana Standard | A call in the wilderness: Cell phones are showing up in national parks, places people go to get away
When Sean Morrissey scaled California's 14,491-foot Mount Whitney for the first time a few years ago, he couldn't wait to take in the view. A woman who made the climb at the same time couldn't wait to dial her cell phone.

"This one woman was making call after call," said Morrissey, who is from Los Gatos, Calif. "It seemed very out of place. It seemed out of place to go through all that effort to make an outbound call."

Cell phones have long been virtually unavoidable on city streets and in shopping malls. But they now are showing up in some of the very places people go to get away from it all: national parks.

For park managers, this is a challenge. Officials with the National Park Service say they want to meet the needs of visitors and provide for their safety. But they also must protect the park and the visitor experience. And there is no set policy on how to strike this balance.

As luck would have it, I am headed for the mountains this weekend. As further luck would have it, I already know my cell phone doesn't work where I'm going. Isn't that just too bad?

LATER: Shows what I know. Apparently T-Mobile built a tower since I was there last.

War crime

Yahoo (AP) | Kilt-Wearing Marine Plays Bagpipes in Iraq
FALLUJAH, Iraq - Amid the clatter of gunfire and explosions that regularly rock this city, an unexpected sound rises over the front line — bagpipes.

Dressed in Marine fatigues with his gun at his side, 1st Sgt. Dwayne Farr, 36, blows into his set of pipes. The plaintive wail is carried by the wind that whips across this dust-blown, war-torn town.

"Playing on the battlefield — I never thought that would happen," Farr said.

Haven't the people of Iraq suffered enough?

Getting too serious around here

Wall Street Journal | Only in the Star! Demi Moore's Brown Dress Turns White!
There's actress Demi Moore with her young beau, Ashton Kutcher. He's in a white suit. She's wearing a sexy fitted dress -- also white. They appear on the cover of this week's recently renovated Star magazine, which declares: "$1 Million Wedding of the Year!"

At first glance, it's just another day in celebrity journalism, an area that has heated up recently as more magazines go head to head with glossy photos, breathless captions and enticing covers about the stars.

But here's the shocking, scandalous truth: The dress Ms. Moore is wearing on Star's cover isn't really white. It's a deep chocolate brown. ...Mr. Kutcher, by the way, wasn't wearing white that day, either. His suit was pink, thank you very much.

Star's competitors were quick to distance themselves from the color switch. "Fabricating images is one way to lose all readers' trust very quickly," said US Weekly Editor in Chief Janice Min. "I feel very strongly about it."

...The faux-nuptial makeover illustrates how easily editors can use Photoshop and other digital programs to tweak celebrity images in the most competitive sector of the magazine business.

Water, wet and otherwise

WPVI | When "Water" Isn't Wet
During Tuesday's Good Morning America, a representative of Tyco Fire and Security displayed the amazing properties of the chemical that's called "Sapphire."

The chemical has all the firefighting properties of water, yet it will not cause the damage to items that is usually associated with water.

There are still pictures from GMA, where a working, powered-up laptop and flat-screen television were submerged in this stuff--and continued to work. So, apparently, in addition to not being "wet", it isn't an electrical hazard either.


I know from experience that Atlanta firefighters already treat their water with a chemical that makes it less "wet". After our 1999 house fire, relatively few of our belongings actually suffered fire damage. It was all water damage from this treated water, which corrodes metal within minutes. "Sapphire", if it works as shown and is economical enough to actually use, is a miracle.

LATER: As John pointed out, I am wrong. The Atlanta Fire Department's chemicals make water "wetter". Hm. One of these days, when I need to be distracted from a root canal or something, I need to look into this. I mean, I understand that "wetter" water puts out fires better, and "less wet" water does less property damage, but I see a conflict coming. Plain old water begins to look like a decent compromise. Perhaps, as Jake said, it has something to do with how it's applied, and to what kind of property.

Crisis over, everyone back to work

Tennesseean | Senate to allow unrestrained dogs in truck beds

Equal opportunity ridicule

How... educational

Houston Chronicle | Fair, balanced conservative manifesto
Some conservatives will argue that the preceding does not represent true conservatism, but that is an argument they will have to take up with their fellow conservatives.

You mean you're not really listening anyway? Well, we knew that, but it's novel and courageous of you to admit it for a change.

And they call Rush Limbaugh arrogant.

TEN ARTICLES OF LIBERAL/PROGRESSIVE FAITH

Republicans lie.
They lie about everything. They lie about anything. They lie because... well, because they can. No explanation is really necessary, it's just who they are. I mean, they have so much reason to. If they said what they really thought, then everyone (not just the Democrats) would know them for the hatemongering, bigoted liars they are. Which everyone--well, everyone who matters--knows anyway, so there's really no point.

Democrats don't lie.
Ever. Why should we? The truth is on our side. In fact, everything we say is, by definition, the truth. We contradict ourselves only in trivial ways that should be beneath anyone's notice.

Republicans all think the same way.
They march in lockstep behind Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson. They are white, racist (although those two labels are actually redundant), rich, and fundamentalist Christian. And, if truth be told, not very bright.

Democrats are a loose association of individual free thinkers.
Of course, this handicaps us in the political arena, since our message is of necessity diluted by our diversity. It does make it easier to attract large numbers of people to protest rallies, though (the better to generate press coverage), since the attendees may be there for a hundred or more different causes.

Any attempt by a Republican to refute a statement made by a Democrat is motivated by hatred.
It must be very frustrating to be so wrong all the time. The stress would get to anybody after a while. We wouldn't know, of course, because we're never wrong, but we're very compassionate toward our deluded, brain-damaged, idiot, hateful colleagues. Someday we'll put a halt to their intolerance--for their own good, of course.

Democrats don't hate anybody.
Not even the drunken neo-Nazi Genghis Bushitler. Not even that pot smoking, draft-dodging adulterer Newt Gingrich. (We would make a cute derogatory joke of Newt's name, but it looks like his mom beat us to it.) Therefore, since we are motivated not by hatred but by public service, and only speak the truth (see point two), nothing we ever say is hate speech, and we can say anything we want.

Anyone to the right of Al Franken is an arch-conservative.
There is no such thing as an arch-liberal. In fact, there's no such thing as a liberal at all. That's just a name Republicans call us to be hateful, like "politically correct". We are moderate. We are progressive. We are, in short, Just People. Normal. Average.

In your heart, you know we're right.
By which we mean we're smarter than you. And you know it. When you disagree with us, it's because you don't have all the facts: If you had, you'd know we were right. Or maybe you do have all the facts, and you're faking it in order to make conversations more interesting. In which case you really don't have to bother. You don't have to pretend to disagree with us. We love being told what we already know, that we're right. Who could get tired of the truth? Did we mention we're smarter than you?

We deserve to be in charge.
After all, clearly the most intelligent person should be in charge, and, well, just look at the Republicans. Isn't it obvious? All teachers and college professors are Democrats. These are people who make their living (meager though it is) being smart. Obviously they know something you don't. If the wrong people were in charge, they might break something. Worse yet, they might cut taxes.

Al Gore won the 2000 election fair and square.
However, the election was stolen from him by the Supreme Court. Therefore, anything we do to reverse that situation is lawful, moral, and our "sacred" duty. (We don't really believe in the word "sacred": We just use it so you'll know what we mean. Being less intelligent and all.) There is no such thing as an inappropriate or excessive criticism of B*sh.

Comedy is too delicate to leave to amateurs.

Gosh, Hermione...

Emma Watson and the entire Scooby... er, Hogwarty gang.

A little more vaseline on the lens, please

TIME | For TV Stars, High Def Is Dicey
As the number of shows filmed in HDTV grows, actors and actresses are facing the ugly truth: HDTV gives new meaning to the word close-up. In high definition, no wart, wrinkle or blemish is safe from the camera's eye, forcing makeup artists to scramble for cover-ups. "Everything shows," says veteran sitcom makeup man Tommy Cole. "Everything is clearer, and the contrast is sharper. Some people are very worried."

Nowhere was the downside of high definition more apparent than at the Academy Awards in February, when the few viewers with HDTV caught Hollywood's biggest stars working the red carpet. By some accounts, actor-producer Michael Douglas, 59, ruggedly handsome on film, became downright old, especially next to his high-def-defying spouse Catherine Zeta-Jones, 34.

But surely there are people who look good in HD...

TV Predictions | HDTV Goes to See Britney Spears
At the tender age of 22, Spears doesn't have to worry about crow's feet yet. However, during tonight's concert in Miami, she looked like she hadn't slept in days. Her face was bumpy and puffy, making her appear five to ten years older than her years.

The pop princess, who reportedly has been partying hard at night spots across the globe, simply didn't look very healthy tonight under the naked lens of high-def.

... Interestingly, Showtime featured very few close-ups of Spears' face, opting mostly to display long shots of the singer shaking her booty during long dance numbers. ... However, to make matters worse, it appears that Spears has put on a few pounds, particularly in her legs. Although still charming and appealing, she doesn't possess the physical sizzle in HDTV that she exhibits in her music videos such as "Toxic."

And speaking of music, judging from the audio of my Surround Sound system, many of her live renditions tonight appeared to be lip-synched.

Who looks better / Who looks worse?

"I love my cigar, too, but..."

Yahoo (AP) | Mom With 14 Kids, One on the Way, Honored
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - With her 14 children in tow and pregnant with her 15th, Michelle Duggar waddled into Arkansas' Capitol on Wednesday to accept the state's Young Mother award.

"We're going from diapers right up to driver's ed," she said with a smile.

Duggar, 37, who home schools her children and is helping to build a new home from the ground up, started having her babies when she was 21, four years after she married former state Rep. Jim Bob Duggar.

"We're letting the Lord give us the gifts that he wants to give us and I'm open to more gifts," she said. "I'll take them one at a time or two at a time."

The offspring include two sets of twins, and the parents have stuck to the letter "J" when it comes picking names. There is Joshua, 16; Jana and John-David, 14; Jill, 12; Jessa, 11; Jinger, 10; Joseph, 9; Josiah, 7; Joy-Anna, 6; Jeremiah and Jedidiah, 5; Jason, 3; James, 2 and Justin, 1.

The new baby is due in two months and is most likely a boy. They plan to name him Jackson.

No word on the whereabouts of neighbor Ferd Berfle. (Never mind, the joke, such as it is, is 35 years old. And the one in the title is even older.)

Not just no...

Yahoo (Reuters) | Eeeyew!!!!
Body piercing and tattoos make way. The latest fashion trend to hit the Netherlands is eyeball jewelry.

Dutch eye surgeons have implanted tiny pieces of jewelry called "JewelEye" in the mucous membrane of the eyes of six women and one man in cosmetic surgery pioneered by an ophthalmic surgery research and development institute in Rotterdam.

The procedure involves inserting a 3.5 mm (0.13 inch) wide 1 piece of specially developed jewelry -- the range includes a glittering half-moon or heart -- into the eye's mucous membrane under local anaesthetic at a cost of 500 to 1,000 euros ($1,232).

There's a picture...

PETA seasonal prank

Really, I'd intended to retire PETA from the rotation, but you just can't ignore The Cow Pope. "What hope do animals have in the Catholic Church to save them?" (Thanks, Ron. I think.)

I guess after seeing how the "Holocaust on Your Plate" thing ticked off Jews, they thought Christians might feel left out.

Why not go for a clean sweep and make an ad portraying Mohammed as a pig? (Ah. I see why, now. There are some lines even PETA knows better than to cross.)

On the other hand, just to be as fair-minded as I can possibly be, here's PETA's Bunny Fever. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

What's the date again?

New Scientist | Smell cannon targets virtual reality users
A new device can track an individual, shoot an aroma directly at their nose, and leave the person next to them completely unaffected.

The air cannon was developed by Yasuyuki Yanagi and his colleagues at the Advanced Telecommunications Research Institute in Kyoto, Japan, as a technique for directing evocative smells to people exploring virtual-reality environments. The driver of a car simulator, for example, might sniff petrol as they drive into a filling station or freshly cut grass as they pass a sports field.

Saw it at Dottocomu.

Google | Google Gets the Message, Launches Gmail
Amidst rampant media speculation, Google Inc. today announced it is testing a preview release of Gmail – a free search-based webmail service with a storage capacity of up to eight billion bits of information, the equivalent of 500,000 pages of email. Per user.

The inspiration for Gmail came from a Google user complaining about the poor quality of existing email services, recalled Larry Page, Google co-founder and president, Products. "She kvetched about spending all her time filing messages or trying to find them," Page said. "And when she's not doing that, she has to delete email like crazy to stay under the obligatory four megabyte limit. So she asked, 'Can't you people fix this?'"

The idea that there could be a better way to handle email caught the attention of a Google engineer who thought it might be a good "20 percent time" project. (Google requires engineers to spend a day a week on projects that interest them, unrelated to their day jobs). Millions of M&Ms later, Gmail was born.

LATER: You mean Gmail is real? C'mon. I mean... C'mon.