Hard-hitting news

Because it must be said:

Sarah Palin's eyeglasses will not make you look as good as Sarah Palin.

Our analyst adds:

As long as people are going to call it a presidential beauty contest, why not get someone in there with some experience?

That concludes this special report.

And now, this, from Cincinnati WKRC. C, i said. C. Not P. C.

Does Editorial Talk to Marketing?

I'm thinking, "no". These are the front and back covers of the new issue of Nature magazine.

The journal swears it is horrified by the coincidence.
"We didn't know until the issue landed on our desks," Nature pleaded to the media.
"It just goes to show that editorial and advertising aren't working in cahoots."

A-yep. (From the Daily Mail.)

Transgender toilets?

This, as so many Fark entries say, can't end well. Transgendered students at Manchester University don't feel comfortable or safe in either of the rest rooms at the student union.

So the women's officer there has had this brainstorm: Change the signs. Instead of "women" and "men", they now read "toilets" and "toilets with urinals".

Well, that should solve the problem, don't you think? I mean, so long as nobody actually has to change their attitudes, proper signage fixes everything.

(Story from the Manchester Evening News.)

VOTE 4 NOBODY

VOTE 4 NOBODY
Originally uploaded by K's Photo's

Georgia just opened the voting offices. We don't have to wait until Nov 2: I could vote today.

I might as well. The election is, in fact, over. Those of you who say you're going to leave the country if McCain wins may as well start packing. McCain WILL win, and the reason why is simply explained.

As always, the election is in the hands of the so-called "undecided voters". If you'll forgive a baseball analogy: A season consists of 162 games. The losingest team of all time still won 60 of them. The winningest team of all time still lost 60 of them. It's what happens to the other 42 games that determines the season.

Similarly, it's the "swing votes" that will decide the election. That's why we hear so much about the "battleground states." The Republican and Democratic cores are owned votes. (Some might say "bought and paid for".)

That said, which seems more likely: "Republicans for Obama" or "Democrats for McCain"? Which candidate is more likely to convince voters from the other party that he's electable?

Oh, changing the subject: Am I allowed to be amused by NOW's endorsement? Woman on the ticket for the Republicans: You have got to be kidding. Women in both positions on the Green Party ticket: Yeah, there's an association we want the public to make, NOW and Cynthia McKinney. A black man and an old white guy, the demographics that have historically had the least respect for women: There's our men.

Dam this traffic jam

Traffic Jam in Atlanta, Georgia
Originally uploaded by mattlemmon

Here we find typical Atlantans in their accustomed habitat: Imprisoned in their cars on I-75/I-85 through the center of the city. Oh, isn't that cute: The lady in the back of the bus just mooned me for making fun of her. YOU TOO, LADY!

*ahem*

One lane this side of the bus, you might see the double white line that marks the HOV (high occupancy vehicle) lane. The idea was, of course, that by reserving one lane for buses and carpoolers, it would encourage more commuters to ride the bus or carpool. Whether this has worked depends on who you ask. As I look at this photograph, the HOV lane looks pretty much full to capacity. The DOT thinks it hasn't worked. Who are you going to believe, the DOT or your lying eyes?

"If we can't convince people to earn the privilege of using these lanes," they must have said to themselves, "maybe we can make them pay to use them." They want to convert the HOV lanes to TOLL lanes: I'm guessing they'll use the same CruiseCard technology that works so well at north Georgia's only (to date) toll booth, on Ga. 400 between Lenox Square and Northside Hospital.

Large car pools will be exempt from the toll, but small car pools will still have to pay. How big is a small car pool?

And why did I find this story on the web site of a Chattanooga radio station? I mean, sometimes I joke about Chattanooga being Atlanta's northernmost suburb, but I had no idea they believed it too.

City Pawn Shop

02-04-02 Gun Buyback at Precinct Station,
Detroit, Michigan
Originally uploaded by cm_e

Oh, yes, again. The city of Buffalo has decided that the most effective way to get weapons "off the streets" is to offer to buy them.

Well, no, that's not quite right.

Buffalo’s police commissioner wryly stated that he doesn’t expect many criminals to be lining up outside seven local churches Sept. 27 to turn in their weapons for prepaid cash cards.

“But it’s a beginning,” [Maura] Evans [mother of a teenager killed by a stray gunshot] said of the buyback. “We have to start somewhere, so why not start here. If even one gun is taken of the street, it’s worth it.”

Really? The city has budgeted $50,000 for this program. $50,000 for one gun is worth it? Must be a hell of a gun.

But it's all right, it's not costing the city $50,000. That money comes from assets forfeited through seizures from drug investigations and other crimes. And we all know that never goes wrong.

“If you see a weapon that a loved one has that you know is illegal, Sept. 27 is the day to bring these guns in,” [Mayor Byron W.] Brown said.

So, if your son killed his ho's pimp, turn in his gun. Get a little walking-around money for yourself and ensure the weapon will never show up as evidence in a trial. It's a win-win!

Am I exaggerating? Overreacting? This is a "no questions asked" buyback. None of the 878 weapons they got the last time they did this were ever checked. They might be stolen property. They might be murder weapons. Who knows? You couldn't ask for a better way to dispose of evidence: Sell it back to the police and let them destroy it.

Gun buybacks fail logic in every way conceivable.

That was fast

And frankly, the new Sarah Palin action figures look like a rush job. But what the hell, it's not like they're licensed, after all.

This promises to be the most entertaining presidential election in, well, ever. It would be even more entertaining if there were an opportunity for Palin and Obama to debate, but I don't see it happening.

"She's not qualified."
"And he is?"
"Alaska's not a real state anyway."
"What state has he managed?"

TampaBay.com | Sarah Palin action figures now on sale (what, no Joe Biden with the kung fu grip?)
It seems that people can't get enough of Sarah Palin. Since the announcement that she was joining the Republican ticket as the vice presidential nominee, there have been magazine covers and appearances with running mate John McCain. Now Hero Builders toymakers are selling a Sarah Palin action figure.

The three dolls, which cost from $27.95-$29.95, feature Palin as an executive in a dark suit; as an action hero a la Lara Croft, in a trench coat, mini skirt and what looks like a gun strapped to her leg; and as a faux-Britney Spears school girl in a low-cut blouse, peekaboo red bra and a plaid mini skirt. Not sure what kind of action they are going for there.

Me neither. I think they had some leftover clothes from High School Slut Skipper to recycle.

Shoot! Shoot! That octopus is strangling that man

The further you read, the better this story gets.

Bagpipes provoked Olympic alarm
A bagpipe player sparked a security alert at the Olympics - after Chinese police mistook his musical instrument for "some kind of weapon".

The Borders piper was in China to carry out a sponsored walk along the Great Wall to raise funds for the National Deaf Children's Society.

Mr Aitken said: "I'm not all that good on the pipes [how can you tell?] so I thought I'd go off on my own and have a practice before I had to play in front of the people I was doing the walk with.

"I had a silly soldier's hat on and my kilt and a few locals gathered round and seemed to be enjoying me playing, but just as I finished a police car pulled up with four officers.

"They weren't happy and it emerged that it was heightened security all over China because of the opening ceremony."

It took the intervention of a passer-by to explain to police what the bagpipes were.

"It was pure luck that a tourist guide was passing and stopped them from arresting me by explaining what bagpipes were - they thought the pipes were some kind of weapon," said Mr Aitken. [BBC]

They sure aren't a stealth kind of weapon.

You know what "perfect pitch" is to a bagpipe player? Being able to hit the middle of the lake.

Makes = Rewrites

So, who is it that doesn't know the difference between "making history" and "rewriting history", the Democrats or NPR?

Obama Rewrites History, Clinches Nomination
History was made last night when the Democratic Party nominated Illinois Sen. Barack Obama as its candidate for president of the United States. He's the first African-American presidential nominee of a major party. [NPR]

Glad they put that second sentence in there. Might have missed that point. Wonder why the media have been so reticent about that?

So, what has Senator Obama rewritten, exactly?

Gitmo on the Platte

Denver is going to regret hosting the Democratic National Convention--if they don't already, then certainly by the time the convention actually starts.

The owners of Sly's Salon thought it was Just Wrong that local homeless were being given free passes to movies and the local zoo. "It was like, 'What are we going to do with them,' trying to sweep them under the rug." So they organized a cut-a-thon, donating more than a hundred 'cuts and 'dos to folks identified by local homeless-support agencies. Nor did it end there: State Beauty Supply donated bag lunches; other supply houses donated hair-care products.

"It's the heart-felt reward to give to the community and give back," said one recipient. You'll have to explain to me just what the hell that means.

Local hospitals are staffed at large-scale medical crisis levels, to cope with vast numbers of out-of-towners who will most likely be suffering from dehydration and altitude sickness. Most of these people have never been in Denver in August. It's a mile above sea level, and although most healthy people seem to survive it just fine, it does take some getting used to--and if you already suffer from asthma or similar health conditions, it could hit you pretty hard.

And then there's that "secret jail", actually a vacant warehouse temporarily converted to a holding / processing facility by the city department of corrections, in anticipation of the necessity of mass arrests during the convention. They estimate it should allow them to process arrests in one-third of the time it would otherwise require. This seems perfectly logical to me, and I'd be surprised if most cities hosting really large, really public events don't do something similar.

Are they really anticipating mass arrests at the Denver DNC? They'd better be. Recreate 68 is aiming for exactly that. "When things blow up because the police have to enforce a permit that the Democrats got, don’t blame us for that,” said Glenn Spagnuolo, an organizer for the Recreate 68 Alliance. "Blame the Democrats for trying to silence dissent in the city of Denver." Michelle Malkin quotes liberally (you should excuse the expression) from the Rocky Mountain News and the Denver Post.

But surely they deserve the benefit of the doubt. They may have some valid points to... Oh, look, they endorse Cynthia McKinney for President. Never mind. They don't know her like we know her.

All in all, it may be a good week to be on the other end of the continent.

Unconscious Mutterings Week 290

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Signature :: legal name
2. Olympics :: amateur
3. 100% :: complete
4. Damn! :: broke
5. Gold :: wealth
6. Fresh and natural :: feminine hygiene
7. Fraction :: partial
8. Hurry :: up
9. Summer :: Winter
10. 29th :: day of February

Whatever happened to...

...that guy who was on Jeopardy! like 74 days in a row and won $2.52 million dollars? Huh?

Well, he wrote a book (duh), wrote another book (hm), co-invented a couple of trivia games and (like everyone else) has a blog. It was on that blog that he recently noted he'd stumbled upon the perfect summation of public radio in a single sentence. Go, read and be amazed.

Humor impaired

Okay, here's another thing I don't get.

Just yesterday, Mark Evanier linked to a YouTube video--well, seven linked videos, actually, comprising an entire episode of The David Letterman Show from 1980. This is the NBC daytime program that predated his tenure on NBC's Late Night and CBS' The Late Show.

This program usually described, by those few who have seen it, as (at best) the wrong show in the wrong time slot. Some commentaries make that sound like a compliment. Evanier says:

You get the feeling that he doesn't even take his own show seriously so why should you? Plus, he feels all alone out there...no sidekick, no bandleader with whom he has any rapport, etc. Doesn't it feel like half the staff didn't show up for work that day but they made Dave go out and do his show anyway? Add to this the largely non-responsive studio audience...

I admit it. I did not watch this video all the way through. I think Mark would agree that this version of the show really underscores just what Paul Schaffer brings to the show.

Other than Paul, though, this looks like the same show Letterman has been doing all along. It's really amazing how little his essential Dave-ness has changed. A lot of it wasn't all that funny then, and still isn't, really.

Yes, we promised to provide free access to the Internet - except...

The Beijing Olympic Games, I hear, were to be the occasion for China to stride boldly onto the global stage and proclaim themselves to be a major player.

There's a problem with being on the stage: The lights are pretty damn bright. Even an audience who wants to see you succeed can see the theatrical makeup.

China's communist government routinely filters its citizens' access to the Internet, but in the runup to the Olympics Chinese officials and officials with the International Olympic Committee vowed there would be no censorship of the Internet for accredited journalists covering the games.

Some sites were unblocked 10 days ago after reporters arriving to cover the games found them blocked and complained to the IOC, but others remain inaccessible, including sites related to the Tiananmen Square protests, Tibet, Taiwan and the Dalai Lama.

...A statement by Chinese officials indicated they had gone as far as they intend to go.

"As in any other country, there are some kinds of limitations," Wang [Wang Wei, executive vice president of BOCOG, the Olympic organizing committee] added. "However, I think we are going to provide sufficient access for the media to cover the games."

[From AP: Some Web sites remain blocked at Beijing Olympics]

"Wait, that doesn't come out"

Not new, but entertaining: "James Randi exposes Uri Geller and Peter Popoff".

They paid good money for this

I don't know what's worse: The sloppy photo edit or the fact that the art director let it go.

You're invited to check Photoshop Disasters, where a similarly wretched example of what untrained or sloppy people can do with state-of-the-art software is posted approximately daily.

As easy as talking!

Cool Myspace Generators

What is this "due process" thing all about

Originally uploaded by kdborden86

The Motion Picture Association of America said Friday intellectual-property holders should have the right to collect damages, perhaps as much as $150,000 per copyright violation, without having to prove infringement.

"It is often very difficult, and in some cases, impossible, to provide such direct proof when confronting modern forms of copyright infringement, whether over P2P networks or otherwise; understandably, copyright infringers typically do not keep records of infringement," MPAA attorney Marie L. van Uitert wrote Friday to the federal judge overseeing the Jammie Thomas trial. [Wired]

The theory almost makes sense.

The MPAA... told Judge Davis that peer-to-peer users automatically should be liable for infringement. "The only purpose for placing copyrighted works in the shared folder is, of course, to 'share,' by making those works available to countless other P2P networks," the MPAA wrote.

Saw it at the Consumerist.

I have a theory...

A story has been rolling around the media this week about a University of Colorado research study linking bumper stickers (and window signs and bobbleheads and other decorative gewgaws, collectively called "territory markers") to dangerous driving behavior.

Drivers who put stickers on their cars, the study says, are more likely to drive aggressively, lose their temper, and/or succumb to "road rage". The more stickers they put on their cars, the more likely they are to behave badly, and the worse they behave when they do lose it.

And it does not matter what the stickers actually say. Left or right, secular or religious, "honor student" or "I spayed my dog" all indicate that the drivers feel more possessive of the "personal space" surrounding their vehicles.

My own theory is that the more bumper stickers the driver puts on his car, the more likely the aggregate message will be politically liberal. Here in the city of Atlanta, of course, most voters are Democrats, therefore most bumper stickers are for liberal causes, so anecdotal evidence would seem to confirm the theory--

But it would be unwise to take that as anything resembling proof.

Still, when I see this car--

Well, I drive cautiously until he's out of sight.

I dreamt of something bigger

No, your eyes do not deceive you. That is a six-foot-tall, anatomically correct sock monkey.

No trick photography was involved, and no actual sock monkeys were harmed in the production of this masterpiece.

See Verkstad, via Erin O'Brien.